AboutDr. Mac Expertise I can answer any question that has to do with working relationships, management skills or lack there of, conflict, and leadership. I primarily work with troubled teams, groups with poor management, or general dysfunction for over twenty-five years. I am also a professor at the University of Denver in the Alternative Dispute Resolution department. Go to www.greggiesenassociates.com to see my client list.
I'm using the alias "Dr. Mac" because he is the main character in my latest management book, Ask Dr. Mac. He plays a newspaper advice columnist on business issues.
Experience Again, twenty-five years of experience here. Email me at ggiesen@greggiesenassociates.com with any specific questions not related to this site.
Published articles written by Greg Giesen:
• Conflict Between Two Employees May Reflect on Organization, in the March, 2003 issue of the Denver Business Journal.
• Meeting Management: Let’s Cut to the Chase, in the March, 2003 edition of CHRA’s The Advisor magazine.
• From Conflict to Collaboration, appearing in the March, 2003 edition of Executive Excellence Magazine.
• Leading From Within, appearing in the April, 2003 edition of Personal Excellence Magazine.
• Only an Integrated Approach Will Increase Employee Motivation, May, 2004, OD Network magazine, Practicing.
• Motivational Mastery, appearing in the March, 2005 edition of Sales & Service Excellence Magazine.
• Creating Collaboration: A Process that Works, appearing in the July, 2007 edition of Projects & Profits magazine, India.
• The Value of Vision, Submitted to Chicken Soup for the Soul’s Lessons in Leadership, due out in January, 2009.
Books written by Greg Giesen:
• Creating Authenticity: Meaningful Questions for Meaningful Moments, 2001, ISBN: 0-9721114-0-9
• Creating Authenticity: Meaningful Questions for the Minds and Souls of Today’s Leaders, 2002, ISBN: 0-9721114-1-7
• Ask Dr. Mac: Take the Journey to Authentic Leadership, 2007, ISBN:
0-9788555-0-7.
PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT
• Your Best Year Yet Certification, Best Year Yet, LLC.
• DiSC Certification, Resources Unlimited.
• Social Styles Pro II Certification, Cahners TRACOM Group.
• Consultant’s Training, Corporate Transformation Tools, Richard Barrett & Associates.
• Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Qualification Training, NTL.
• Adventure Systems & Design, Challenge Course Certification.
• The Coaches Training Institute, The Professional Coaching Course.
• Group Process Consultation, NTL.
• Mediating EEO, Personnel & Employee Relations Disputes, CDR.
• Conflict Resolution Workshop, Aiki Works, Inc.
• Facilitator Training, (270-hours), Good Works Unlimited.
• Wilderness Therapy Practicum, Colorado Outward Bound School.
• The Human Element, Will Schutz & Associates.
EDUCATION
Masters of Science, 1982, Miami University, Oxford, Ohio. Major: Personnel Services & Counseling.
Bachelor of Arts, 1979, Western State College, Gunnison, Colorado. Majors: Psychology & Sociology.
Expert: Dr. Mac Date: 2/18/2008 Subject: dealing with coworker
Question My previous coworker died suddenly and a new girl was hired in which I am responsible to train her. We work in the same room (only two of us). The first week there we got into a shouting match when I tried to tell her how to do something. (I did apologize) Whenever I try to point out that she did something wrong or how it should be done, she just flys off the handle and starts screaming accusing me of talking to her a certain way or that I'm not perfect either. Just last Friday, I asked her to make sure the dates were correct and she flew off the handle again, when I try telling her, I just told her so she can be more aware of what she did. She continued yelling, that I walked out of the office. I have trained many of girls and never had this type of reaction, that I can't ever try and tell her what she does wrong. I went to my boss the first week and several other times, but she just smiles at me and say it will get better. I cannot handle the yelling and it has bothered me all weekend on how I handle this. Do I just ignore her unless she ask me a question and what do I do if I need to address a mistake she's made. Because it seems she cannot handle being told when she does something wrong. Help!
Answer Hi Kathy.
It certainly is tough when you are trying to help a coworker and they are not receptive to your help. In this case, maybe even a little defensive.
Suggestions:
First, you need to assess if her behavior is negatively impacting your ability to get your job done. I mention this because if her behavior is just annoying but doesn’t really impact your work, then you will want to think carefully about how much time and energy you want to spend on something that ultimately doesn't impact your productivity. Typically, difficult people are usually "difficult" with many different people and their behavioral problems usually catch up with them from a multiple of sources, including both the external and internal customers, not to mention even your supervisor.
If, on the other hand, her behavior does indeed impede your ability to get your work done, then by all means, keep reading.
It is critical for you to talk with her directly about your concerns. I'm guessing that she probably has some concerns about you as well, and having the opportunity to share them with you might also help here.
The time and place is important for this conversation. You also want to go into it with a willingness to talk, to listen, and to work through whatever needs to be addressed, even if some of it is about you.
I might also suggest asking her to go for a cup of coffee outside your office space instead of talking in your office. Sometimes a fresh location on neutral turf sets a more collaborative stage. If you can't do that, then at least make sure to visit her in her part of the office instead of talk behind your desk, in your space. We don't want any powerplays here.
Confronting your coworker doesn’t have to be a difficult experience. Sit down with her, one-to-one, and tell her what’s going on with you, making sure you cover the following points:
1) Begin by acknowledge the importance of having an effective working relationship with her.
2) Tell her that the purpose of your conversation is to share a concern that she may not be aware of.
3) Describe the particular behavior that is causing a problem for you.
4) Explain how the behavior is impacting your ability to get your work done.
5) Ask her if there is something you are doing that is triggering such a response.
6) Let her share her perspective.
7) Paraphrase what she said so she knows you care and that you are listening.
8) Share with her what you prefer she do differently in responding to you and tell her how that would help you in working with her.
9) Ask what you could do differently in working with her so that she could also work better with you.
10) Agree to work on the suggestions you were each given and thank her for her willingness to collaborate with you.
It’s important to remember when confronting a coworker that the key is not to make them wrong. The key is to ask for what you need and to give them the same opportunity with you. Always remember to keep the focus on the working relationship. Personal attacks don’t belong here. Finally, be respectful and polite and treat coworkers the same way you’d like to be treated.
If this doesn't work, then tell your co-worker that you'd like a mediated session together with your supervisor (or outside facilitator). Hopefully it will not get to this.
