Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers/Job Delimma


I am currently working in a company from past 5 months and recently due to bad market conditions , the company has asked me to resign .
due to this i am in a bad state of mind as i cannot find a good job and my previous company where i worked for 2.5 yrs wont hire me back due to salary hike.
please help me decide as to whether i should approach my previous company for job wherein d chances are low salarywise and simply compromise on ethics & dignity by working again at same package.
Also whether this will severely affect my career due to professional gap untill i find a good job.

Hello Tiara;

I will try to help you but what you are asking is of such a personal nature that I am going to reserve any opinion and all bias and attempt to answer objectively.

I cannot answer what you should do as an action. I can offer a suggestion as to how to go about making your decision. It begins with a simple set of priorities, and please remember that preventing yourself from becoming homeless and hungry can alter perspective and values to a great degree. For the moment, let us assume your dilemma is one of career objectives and not financial difficulty. Your ethics are important and your personal values may not need to be sacrificed by taking a step backward to obtain work. I can note here in the United States being unemployed for any length of time longer than six months has a detrimental effect on being hired and resume gaps without a good and justifiable reason are injurious to future employment.

Examine a few facts as you presented them to me. Your departure from your latest company is not of your fault and because of financial stress on the employer. Your previous employer may have a number of reasons for not rehiring you as your departure may have not been appreciated because of a multitude of reasons, many of which could be used against you - unless you could convince them of your genuine desire for employment. A desperate appearance as you look for employment would not be the best basis for a return as it limits your negotiating salary.
Begin by listing your skills on paper and how they can be used best by your previous employer if you wish to return (or another employer). What makes you employable? What skill sets are desirable to an employer? What makes you special? Take this idea far past what you would place on a resume. The items can be your ambition, loyalty to an employer or a project (caution - as you left a previous employer and I know nothing of the reason so I cannot comment), your particular ability to work as an effective team member, or as an individual without needed constant oversight. Are you willing to take on a special project or assignment that others would not want to demonstrate your particular talents?

Here is where I can help. Never appear desperate, even if you are. You can if you wish and under certain conditions tell an employer you are willing to do what you need to be employable – within the restrictions coinciding with your values so you need not sacrifice them recklessly.

Now you have to make some careful decisions but during and after approach a prospective employer with some level of confidence, and remember that confidence (even the outward appearance of it) has power. It demonstrates to others you are able to handle responsibility. It creates credibility and then you must live up to it. This can rely much upon not only what you say but how you say it.

Your facial features can betray emotions and so affect your tone of voice.  You can practice tone in a recording device and playback for how you sound, and we often find we are not as we believe we sound.

Use an acronym created by the founder of Verbal Judo, George Thompson for engaging in a conversation: L.E.A.P.S. (Listen – Empathize – Ask – Paraphrase – Summarize)
In any conversation you will gain more by listening than by talking. Not only will you need to listen but you must project to the other you are listening and following the train of their thought by being open-minded, hearing what is being said, then interpreting what is meant from the words, and being able to act appropriately.

Empathize with a prospective employer by thinking from their perspective. Why should they hire you? Here is where it gets considerably more difficult because you must not discount your abilities. It is easy to talk ourselves out of anything but now you must talk yourself into being desirable as an employee to the company person who is in the position to hire you.
Ask the right questions and ask them at the right time during the meeting or interview. Wait for the right moment of opportunity and sound confident because by asking you are better able to understand how their answers will enable you to become a better employee.  Paraphrase any comments for correctness and at any meeting end be sure to summarize the highlights of the conversation.  With a quick and concise summary you can demonstrate you have grasped the main points of the conversation or interview, understand them, and set the scale for future action for both timeline and expectations.

This sound so very simple but you might be amazed at how few can do this competently. We often leave a meeting or interview (admit it or not but interviewing and meetings that are important leave us stressed) without getting enough information or without fully understanding all of what is expected. A good summary of topic points, tasks to be done and when they are due is a crucial element of demonstrating competence to others. It is a sign of leadership and accountability. It demonstrates a level of commitment that speaks to self-confidence and a path to power.

People like choices so be ready with a few on your position and what you can do for others. Be willing to compromise and never look at it as weaknesses.  Compromise is a valid and integral part of how we all do business.  Compromise does not mean sacrificing your values or your integrity but as a valuable tool for negotiating differences and finding common platforms for moving forward.

I have presented these tips not because you asked for them but because your confidence has been shaken and your indecision can be viewed as weakness by others and the unscrupulous will prey upon it.  Remember that if you go back to your old employer you are not planning to stay ( your words…until I find a good job) so you need to be able to present yourself if the topic arises that you will be an outstanding employee while you are working for them. Whether you tell them you plan to stay or not are your concern, but ensure you do not lie if at all possible. All lies are eventually found and hurt credibility.  A selective honesty and a lie by omission are only a slight distance apart, but the space between them is a critical one and one that you may well need to be accountable for in the future.

The last item I will to address is that no one likes to feel like they are taking steps backward.  A bruise to dignity is not fatal if you take the hit with a sense of purpose and not only pride, and a step backward to be employed until you can make a good plan for moving forward again can offer time to reflect. But I do not believe you will sacrifice your ethical position by taking a job with a previous employer or even a job you have perhaps always considered beneath you if it serves a purpose. You ethics are what make you well, you as a person. They are your priority and they are your line of defense for being able to handle controversy and conflict.  Be confident in yourself and your skills. Determine what skills you need to get the employment you want, and create a plan.

For your plan please feel free to examine other responses I have made here on the All Experts Forum and look for two acronyms called P.A.V.P.O. and P.A.C.E.  They are the planning strategies that will help you begin your new start. In the meantime, I wish you the best of fortune and the peace of mind you seek.

Lee Fjelstad, Vice President of the Verbal Judo Institute, Inc.
In Memory of Dr. George J. Thompson III, Founder of Verbal Judo – Pam Thompson, CEO  

Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers

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Lee Fjelstad


I can answer questions on resolving professional and personal conflicts or communication issues in the workplace, with clients, in the home, or any encounter that needs or requires people conform to authority or common goal. My responses will be centered on tactics for getting more from the people around you, and toward gaining their voluntary compliance, cooperation, or collaboration. Please note that the answers will not be in the form of a “Dear Abbey” response and my personal opinions will rarely be offered, but rather a soft or hard argument toward resolving the issue or demonstrating that words alone will not solve your dilemma or predicament.


I am the Vice President of the Verbal Judo Institute, Inc., and for the last twenty years I have traveled between 240 -300 days annually conducting training seminars on Verbal Judo in the United States, Canada, the Caribbean, Scandinavia, the Netherlands, and in England. I specialize in resolving conflicts that rise from workplace differences, emotional issues that impact cooperation and compliance, and communication issues within relationships.

I have been interviewed regarding Verbal Judo as the subject in magazine articles ranging in interest from Conde Nast Traveler, Broker Magazine, and sports publications like Referee Magazine; to newsprint articles in the USA Today, the Wall Street Journal, and several small town newspapers. I have been broadcast internationally on CNN, nationally on NBC, ABC, and Fox, in Canada on CBC, and on local television; and interviewed on radio across North America and in Europe. In addition to the video clips I am currently producing, the President of the Institute, Dr. George J. Thompson has four published books on the market (with more in current development), and several audio and video programs.

My educational background includes degrees in English, Business, and Organizational Communication with additional work in Psychology and Behavioral Science.

Past/Present Clients
My client list ranges from corporate and customer service industries, and city and county government facilities; to airlines, banking, and real estate operations, universities, and referees in professional sports. My audiences number several hundred thousand people attending Verbal Judo lectures world-wide and as a company our associates have collectively trained over one million people. A web site with references and a partial client list is available upon request.

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