AboutJoan Schramm Expertise I can answer questions about handling difficult bosses or co-workers, motivation, team-building, and just getting along in an organization. I am also an expert on conflict resolution and communication as well as other issues dealing with business relationships.
Experience Joan is a professional Coach and the founder of Momentum Coaching, www.achieve-momentum.com. Her experience is from over twenty-five years of business leadership, training and coaching.
Organizations Coach Training Alliance, Coachville, Attractionville, 247 Coaching, Solo-E
Publications Many of my articles have appeared in local newspapers and online at sites like www.ezines.com, www.marketingseek.com, www.articlecity.com, www.exactseek.com and others.
Education/Credentials BS in English
MS in Human Resource Management
Certified Coach through the Coach Training Alliance
Expert: Joan Schramm Date: 10/22/2007 Subject: Manager is one-sided
Question I have a problem with a co-worker and my manager that is beginning to affect my health, my entire well-being.
In my job function, everyone agrees that it is the hardest position in our office. I have been in this position for the last ten years, having worked at this company for fifteen years. I am the 'head' of the financial department, usually working with one other person very closely. It is very difficult, tedious work - involving moving money, recovering money, finding money. There are certain 'paths' and 'trains of thoughts' that are required to do the job successfully. Many families are affected, so it is imperative to do the job well.
My manager has always, ALWAYS, highly respected and trusted my work and judgment. Never has she questioned or interrupted my work needlessly.
The problem began when my co-worker quit. She was harassed by our manager (obviously my manager didn't trust her), and she couldn't handle the pressure. We worked together very well, but I could not do anything about her leaving.
When my manager promoted a girl (Amy) from our office to be my financial helper, I was thrilled. I use to exercise with her, and knew that she was sweet and would be easy to work with. I never thought she would be 'up to par' on the work however, since she does not have the experience. Yet, I didn't care. I would take up her slack and help her to learn to do her job well, even if it took years.
As I trained her, I realized this was going to be too hard on me. Even though she took good notes, she could not process the information like a normal person. She trusted nothing. If I told her it is okay to do something, she would not do it... and get someone else's opinion in a sister-office. It was a blow to me to realize I would have to work with her, knowing she would be telling our sister-offices everything we do (some of this is very confidential), risking our office for higher scrutiny from the main office.
Then, as we trained, I listened as she ran people in our office down. No matter who they were, she would tell me their faults. I remembered a letter that was sent to our "main" office, sent anonymously years before. That letter contained everything she was had been saying back then, and had gotten our previous manager demoted.
I then became paranoid, telling her that I was becoming sick and could not train her right now. I went to my manager and told her that I could not train Amy, I was crying - because I was serious and I was afraid she would not listen.
My crying didn't help anything, and my manager said I would have to train her. She said she would 'get me some relief' though, signing her up for training in the "main" office.
That training didn't take place until a month later. In the meantime, I'm having to repeat everything I tell Amy... and listen as she argued with me and the techniques used. She did not respect my leadership or opinions. All of this was making me fall behind in my work, causing havoc in the financial department.
One day, I had enough. I asked for a meeting with our manager and Amy. In the meeting I told her that I wanted us to work well together, but the way she treated me, arguing techniques, it was making my work too difficult. Our manager then told me that Amy had deserved the promotion because she has "filled in" to work for three people that had quit in our office - working 10 to 12 hours per day. Keep in mind, our "main" office does not allow overtime unless it is pre-approved. I do not believe this overtime was pre-approved... and I fear it is why my manager is allowing her to be abusive to me.
I could see I was not making headway in the meeting and in front of our manager I asked Amy what she thought of me (because it is obvious to me she does not respect me), and she stood up, started screaming at me. I looked at my manager and she said to "let her get it out". Amy screamed at me like a crazy person, saying she "did not send that letter". She screamed and gritted her teeth so hard I though her teeth would break. I thought, "If she had a gun, I would be dead." She ran out of the office.
My manager then sat there. She knew this girl was irrational - saying, "Laura, you have always been rational." She did not berate me or say anything negative to me... I think it was sinking in what we have working in our midst. We were both in shock. We sat there an hour after she had left.
All of my co-workers love me and worry about me. They all know this girl is not going to be able to do this job successfully, and worry about me because the manager is not taking care of me like she should.
Then last week, the straw that broke the camels back happened. My manager failed me tremendously.
I sent an e-mail to my manager, supervisor and my manager's boss - asking that the job responsibilities be 'split' as it had been before with my other co-worker. Amy's training at the main office has been completed, she even went to a sister-office for more training. All of this training has been going on for months. I explained my health is bad, that I'm having anxiety attacks and my work is falling behind because Amy's current work projects are not helping financial at all. That these projects are actually 'hindrances' because I have to double-check them.
I got a message from our manager, "Sure, it is fine. The split on work will be effective tomorrow."
So, I sent an e-mail to the office, showing that the duties would be separated out, giving the outline for each of us.
THEN, my manager sent the most ugly e-mail to me and Amy, stating "I am so angry with myself for allowing this to happen. From now on, anything to do with financial will be discussed with both of you together." It was a complete slap in the face to me. As if I had done something I should not have done. As a team-lead, I am SUPPOSE to e-mail the office with miscellaneous info about financial. My manager was mad because I had sent the message before she had a chance to tell Amy about the work split. That e-mail was sent to put me down and make Amy feel better that I was 'put in my place'.
My manager then came to my office and was very humble, apologetic... and it is now so obvious to me that she is playing both of us.
My manager is being sweet to Amy, scared that she will 'rock the boat' and tell our main office that she worked all of that overtime...
Then, my manager is "undermining" my authority in front of this girl, to show the girl that SHE is somehow more important than me...
Then, my manager is coming to me to "smooth things over"... to keep me in line and not bucking the system. If I were to leave, she would be in a real bind.
So... there it is. I have never faced anything like this before. I do not know what to do. Our office ombudsman is my immediate supervisor. She just returned from having a baby... and she is very close to our manager. I do not think she will be much help.
I do not know what to do.
To top it all off, I think Amy is STILL WORKING the long hours. I just discovered her husband works at a job that the only time they can meet is a couple of hours AFTER our office closes. She has been working the late hours due to her husband and it being convenient to her.
So there it is. Please tell me what to do. I am so close to calling in sick tomorrow. I am not a pouter, but I cannot handle this kind of abuse. My back is hurting (anxiety), my chest hurts, my blood pressure fluctuating.
Please let me know what you think... what is the best course of action?
Answer Laura --
I hope things have calmed down with you a little, and you're not feeling so stressed.
I can understand your hurt and frustration. It must seem to you like your boss is playing both sides. But I'm wondering if you might be a little over-wrought and reacting to things that aren't there.
You have a lot of very, very positive history with your boss, and the problems are very recent. It could be that your boss is having to deal with issues you're not aware of, or she's recognizing that moving Amy to this position wasn't the best idea and she doesn't know how to reverse herself.
I think you need to set up a meeting with your boss (maybe away from the office) and have a heart-to-heart talk about your work, what her expectations of you are now, how your job might be changing, and really clear the air of all these issues. You can certainly ask her about the overtime Amy is getting, and why there seems to be an exception.
I don't want to upset you further, but I understand your boss' reaction to you sending out the e-mail about splitting duties. It might have been your role in the past, but things have obviously changed. Of course your boss wanted to tell Amy personally about the change in duties -- just consider how you would feel if you learned about a change in your job from a general e-mail and not from your boss. Your boss needed to be able to present this to Amy in a way that would mitigate some of the issues, and you shooting off that e-mail effectively stopped that from happening.
Give yourself a little time. Talk to your boss. Do your job in the same professional way you have been doing it and don't let Amy get under your skin. You can't change her; you can't change your boss; you can't change the rules about who gets to work what hours. What you can do is change your reaction to all of this so that you aren't making yourself ill. No job is worth that, and if you can't come to some sense of peace and acceptance you're going to need to get out of there, for both your mental and physical well-being.
