Expert: Joan Schramm - 2/4/2006

Question
I was recenltly promoted to a supervisor position at my job. Many of my employees have become close friends. We hang out after work ect.
How do i draw the line between friends and employee. Ive heard that you cant be close friends with the ppl you supervise or they will run all over you. How do I make sure that doesnt happen???

thank you

Answer
Congratulations on your promotion!

Now comes the hard part. The awful truth is that "they" are correct. It is very difficult to be friends with people you supervise, especially if you were promoted over them.

A lot depends on the actual people involved. Real friends won't take advantage of you, will be supportive, will treat you with the respect your position deserves, and will recognize that your relationship has changed. Unfortunately, most people you work with don't fall into the category of "real friends".

Here's some suggestions to make the transition easier.

1.  Hold a group meeting for the people you now supervise. Explain your new responsibilities and your new duties. You're now the boss, and they now work for you. Ask for their input on any changes they might like to see happen and lay down your rules for interaction. Encourage them to participate in setting some new goals for the department.
2.  Act like a supervisor. No more hanging out together after work. Not because you're so much more important than they are, but because fraternization between bosses and workers isn't the way it's done. In order to appear fair with everyone, you can't give the slightest perception that you might be playing favorites. All of your work decisions now need to be based on work performance and the good of the organization, not on the personal relationship you have with certain people.
3.  Make sure that your staff knows that you take your management role seriously. If you have problems with an individual, call that person in for a talk. Be frank and open about how you perceive the change in your work relationship and how you feel that person is not adapting to the change, but make it clear that the old rules no longer apply. It may sound silly, but upgrade your work attire. People react to appearances, and if you dress at a higher level than your staff you'll project more confidence and they'll respond instinctively.

It isn't easy, but your boss must think you're able to handle it, or you wouldn't have been promoted. Be ready for a difficult few months until everyone settles down and learns their new roles. Some of your old "friends" will think you're "too good" for them now, but if they were all that special they'd have been promoted instead of you. Keep your cool, maintain a friendly but distant rapport, and concentrate on proving to upper management that they made the right choice.

You can do this.

Write and let me know how it goes. And if you need some more help settling into your new position, that's one of the things I coach people on. I can help you work through some of the challenges and get you on your way. Visit my website at http://www.achieve-momentum.com and e-mail me at coach@achieve-momentum.com to set up a free session.

Best wishes,

Joan