AboutDoug Staneart Expertise Doug Staneart can answer questions about gaining cooperation from, motivating, and influencing coworkers and employers. He is also an expert on how to avoid and resolve conflicts as well as other issues dealing with long term business relationships.
Experience
Doug Staneart has been a speaker and trainer for over ten years specializing in public speaking, leadership training, and team building. Doug is CEO of The Leader?s Institute® (Leadership Training) based in Dallas and author of the books 40 Ways to Influence People and Fearless Presentations. He has accumulated over 2700 hours of classroom coaching and training and began his career with Dale Carnegie Training® where he was recognized on numerous occasions for superior instruction.
Expert: Doug Staneart Date: 11/27/2007 Subject: dealing with bully coworker
Question My coworker is a lazy bully. She is always handing work of to the rest of us in our department (all women). She is rude, unprofessional, and bossy. The problem is no one in management sees it (all men). She has her Jeckle and Hyde act perfected. Some in our department (myself included) have gone to management to ask for help in dealing with her and our request was ignored and nothing has changed. I know one way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them, but that is SOOO hard for me to do!!!! It's also hard to stand up to her because she tends to dump then disapear. She never asks if you can help it's always a "i need you to take care of this for me" then by the time you look up she's gone! This is the only person in my life that makes me angry. I'm am generally not easily provoked, but she infuriates me and keeps me tense all day. We all go out of our way to avoid her. I'm at my wits end. I've considered trasfering to another department, but at this time there is nothing available. I would love to quit and try to find work elsewhere, but other than her I love my job.
Answer Keri,
She's not bullying you, and if you stand up to her, you will have a fight on your hand. It will make things worse.
I'd suggest you read a book called Personality Plus by Florence Littaur (I probably misspelled her name.) What the book will tell you is that different people communicate in different ways. What is polite to one person is a waste of time to others.
The thing that you'll want to realize is that neither way of viewing others is "correct," it is just the way that it is. About 25% of the population will have a similar view as this person you work with, so anywhere you go, you are likely to find someone else that treats people the way she does.
The good news is that in order to progress up the food chain of most organizations, we all have to develop better people skills and communication skills. As she becomes more successful, she will become easier to work with.
Your supervisors understand this. They like her, not because she is a great people person, but because she has a bottom line results oriented attitude.
If she is lazy, she will get her due sooner or later. Don't let her attitude bring you down, though. She is blunt, forceful, and unapologetic. You won't change her. All you can do is understand why she does the things she does. If you understand her more, when she seems bossy, you can pick up on her "real" intent.
Try the book. I think it will make your job much easier.
