AboutDuncan Expertise Crushes can be confusing. When you have one, it can be hard to decide what to do about it, right? I can help you figure out how to deal with a crush, whether it includes figuring out if he/she likes you, getting to talk to him/her, getting the confidence to ask him/her out, etc. Trust me, I have had so many crushes that it's hard to count all of them. Ask me a question and I'd be glad to help.
Experience Since I am still 16 years old, I experience life through teen eyes everyday. I have first-hand experience in this category, and can relate to most of the issues that people post questions about. People feel comfortable talking to me about these types of issues in everyday life, so I hope you will too.
Education/Credentials I am a high school student that has been studying Psychology for the last year. I have been studying it on my free time as well.
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Past/Present Clients All of my friends have confided in me about these issues numerous times, as I do with them.
Question Hi. I'm a 16 year old, female New Zealander, and I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands.
I recently realized my feelings for this guy I play underwater hockey with (it was totally one of those blindsided-by-a-20-ton-anvil kind of moments).
Part 1 out of 3 of the problem is that he's 14, and two grades behind me. He's kind, and so mature and thoughtful compared to so many other guys around our age, and, in my opinion he's really cute. The other day, I realized just how many times I'd thought completely unintentionally 'I wish I could find someone my age like that'. Frankly, I'm sick of waiting for that 'someone my age' to come along.
Part 2 of 3 of the problem is that he's my friend's younger brother. To make it more awkward, she's about 7 months younger than me, and a grade behind me. So it'd probably freak her out to learn that someone older than she is likes her younger brother. Obviously, I don't want her finding out through the grapevine, and my friend group is so tight that I can't really tell anyone about my crush without running the risk of her finding out.
Part 3 out of 3 of the problem is that the object of my affections is shy. I've no idea if he has any kind of feelings for me, and, being shy myself, I've NO idea how to strike up a friendly conversation with him. The only time I see him is in a group setting, with his sister present. He doesn't usually talk to anyone at UWH practices, and I usually hang with his sister, as she's on my team. I don't want to arouse any suspicions, and I don't want to make him nervous or embarrass him by suddenly coming over to him instead of her one day, but how else do I speak with him?
So, the questions:
1. Should I just ignore this and hope for it to go away? Is the age difference too weird?
2. How the heck do I talk to him? What do I say, and how do you keep up a conversation with someone shy? Is there a way for me to show I'm interested without scaring him or being too forward?
3. How do I know if he's got any kind of feelings for me?
4. If it gets that far, how do I let his sister know I like him?
5. How should I deal with what my friends will think if they find out I like a younger guy? (I don't really care what anyone but him thinks, but I figure if I can avoid freaking out my friends, I should)
Sorry this is so epic, but I need some serious help on this one!!! I just need some advice on how to deal with this whole... mess. Thanks!
Answer Hi Lancia,
I think that you should try to talk with him about something that you have in common. UWH is perfect. As for his feelings, there really isn't any way to know unless he tells you. If he does want to go out with you or something, his sister's going to find out anyway and it might not be as awkward as it seems. As for you friends, they should be able to understand if they are good friends. Good luck!
