AboutDuncan Expertise Crushes can be confusing. When you have one, it can be hard to decide what to do about it, right? I can help you figure out how to deal with a crush, whether it includes figuring out if he/she likes you, getting to talk to him/her, getting the confidence to ask him/her out, etc. Trust me, I have had so many crushes that it's hard to count all of them. Ask me a question and I'd be glad to help.
Experience Since I am still 16 years old, I experience life through teen eyes everyday. I have first-hand experience in this category, and can relate to most of the issues that people post questions about. People feel comfortable talking to me about these types of issues in everyday life, so I hope you will too.
Education/Credentials I am a high school student that has been studying Psychology for the last year. I have been studying it on my free time as well.
Awards and Honors I am a 3.9 GPA student and have received numerous awards in middle school and high school.
Past/Present Clients All of my friends have confided in me about these issues numerous times, as I do with them.
Expert: Duncan Date: 7/5/2008 Subject: Crush at School
Question QUESTION: Hey there Duncan, you seem like the PERFECT guy to ask going by your description.
Okay get ready-I'm gonna start with the most wild details, and it's only going to get wilder. I'm a (single) senior in high school, and I'm 18 years old. Seems I've developed a crush on this sophomore (who's most likely 16..but don't worry-not like sex with her is my goal) who I'm going to call NBE-01 for cover purposes (and to make myself less nervous :-). She's really attractive, and single...or at least she was at the time I developed a crush on her, and since then it's been a long tough road of-wild dreams at night (and day), many missed chances and/or failed attempts, regret, and "would've, could've, should've" type stress that's been running through my mind like CRAZY!
It's bad man-so bad my mind is acting like I'm with her already sometimes. I haven't looked at any other girls at school (and if I do it's only a matter of seconds before NBE-01 pops up in my head again). My heart pounds at the thought of meeting her, or having that 'dream' encounter, or even for the more obscure: Putting her in the costumes of one of my favorite comic book, video game, or movie characters (from what I've seen she'd make a nice Twi'lek).
Digging as deep as I can here :-) Nonetheless, I guess it's high time I just get to the story huh? In my four years here I've built up somewhat of a reputation for being the 'best beatboxer on campus'. Ever since 9th grade I've always gotten at least some form of a request..sometimes even daily-"Hey, can you beatbox?" "Hey bust a beat!" Whatever-it's constant and at times annoying but I'm used to it.
It gets annoying when you think a girl is actually wanting to talk to you but just says, "Can you beatbox for me?" instead. She was one of them. As I walked about the cafeteria as usual-this lovely long lady called me out, "Hey can you beatbox?" Of course..as I do now-I put on my 'movie announcer guy' facade and turned it into a huge conversation, blurting, "I need compensation!" ..but don't worry for the most part it's the real me-just with a cool ass voice. "Compensation?" "Something in return!" and eventually it turned into an interview. This reports my first encounter with NBE-01 for she jokingly said, "She'll give you a big wet kiss." Hell I've never kissed a girl before-why not but I know you guys are joking and then..this line was spoken-"We all have boyfriends-except for her!" NBE-01....body report-slim, round behind, my type. Ethnicity-Latin descent, beautiful looking, I find I tend to have this preference for Spanish women sometimes, interests?
I think this really pressed the CONFLICT button. Her (not single) friend was asking me everything-"What do you do when you go home?" Me, and this was true at the time-"Well I go home, watch Transformers (Generation 1), draw.." Of course they thought I meant the new TF movie-which I didn't, but I love it too and went right into an impression of my fave line, "Where is the cube?! The humans have taken it! You fail me yet again Starscream!" Phew-realest I've ever been in front of a group of hot girls...nonetheless, after the usual praise "Sounded just like the dude...blah blah blah.." NBE-01 said, "I love that movie!" Awesome-a hot girl that would actually love to hear me go on about how much I love Blitzwing...more than I can say for some of my male friends even! I then went into some Don stuff-"In a world....full of action..." her jaw quite literally dropped. I looked at her said, "You look surprised" and she was quite speechless. Woah could she be interested in me? How'd she like me to beatbox, or do those impressions for her everyday?
That's the only meal ticket I've been repeating to myself to make myself feel better, because with everything I've said it should seem easy right? That I had gone out with her right then right there! Hell one day pretend to be Optimus Prime for her, Megatron the next-but no. After a goodbye, (and a bit of overheard gossip about how smart I sounded) that was it. Most of the beatbox requests are one and done-which is what annoys me about them the most. So I said it as such, and went off. Not to my knowledge yet it had begun-NBE-01 was going to be on my head for a long, long time. I went back into math class and begun trying to sketch her head saying, "Man what a beautiful girl-and she's single!" then stopped before it became too obsessive..but hey I'm an artist-I like to draw whatever I find beautiful, and she is!
Maybe that stuck her in my mind because lunch the next day came-this is the day I regret the most byfar. I wished for my 'friends' not to be there. I would ditch the bozos I hang out with in two seconds for NBE-01 no doubt (because all they do is smoke, drink and make fun of me anyways) which'll come into play later.
My (bad?) wish came true! I was alone. But NBE-01 wasn't there neither. I stood outside my lonely perch, pretending to be Darth Vader like usual. I opened my eyes-like a dream come true she was standing right in front of me-imitating my pose. "What are you doing?" "Oh! My friends aren't hear today, so I'm sitting alone." "Well you can come hang out with us!" "Ah let me get down there!" Word for word that's about it-I tried to not look TOO excited as I raced down the stairs but hell I was, the girl of my dreams turned out not be a one time thing anyways.
And we talked to eachother, and I was a complete failure...my movie facade was gone, I wasn't the "WHERE IS THE CUBE?!" guy I was two days ago (block scheduling, math every other day) and quite frankly, I was nervous as hell! She told me her name, I told her mines-this was awesome. She asked me to beatbox (of course) I did something simple but it was enough to garner a "you're amazing!" And that was it. I froze. I sat there, in silence. As she....likely felt awkward because she moved along...nearby, but not right next to me like before. The bell rung and she asked me, "So do you get alot of girls doing that?" Now that I think about it, this was probably a test question to see if there were any other girls around me. I told her the truth best I could-"Well not really..well I-I DO! But then they leave when I try to talk to them! I......guess I'm too unique.." again presented in an extremely nervous, nervous way. Then as we were walking back to class (we don't share classes obviously, but our buildings are in the same vicinity) I was quiet again. If I got this chance again I'd treat her like I should-one of my guy friends, just talk to her about anything! But no-I was too shy. "So..How are you.." and man I hate remembering this-I really do, "I'm doing......good." "Okay, bye friend." .....bye.....that was it-the day I regret the most. I was happy that she actually talked to me a 2nd time-but still, I got nowhere.
Oh well another day would come, but by now she was full blown crush status-and the desire to be with her had just begun to rush through my mind. I've never had a girlfriend (that I didn't type to some million miles away) before-and me-being a massive SW fan told myself, "The Force would let me know when the time was." Could she be it? A sign from the Force? Of course being more sane though-I know I just told myself that to ease the regret of waiting so long to try to tell her how I feel. "Patience young Jedi..patience."
Sigh...so much patience. Another day came, I was stuck with my friends. She walked outside. I waved to her, smiling. She didn't smile but she waved back (probably to be nice) I felt embarrassed but hey..w/e. I ran right up next to her trying my best to make up for the day before. "Hey!" "I got my voice back, I can do my voices again!" I was excited as hell, but her mood really contrasted that all. ".....mmm.." "...so are you gonna do them..or..." "Ah yes! But you see, my voice having healed I kind of want-compensation again!" of course the dream answer would've been-"Oh I'm sure I could think of something!" involving a phone number or kiss of sorts but haha..she just said, "...oh.." and walked on, "Well-bye!" The perfect answer for my delusional self. But this foreshadowed my present confusion-mixed signals. My friends made a complete ass out of me as I walked back to class-but I moved on, happy I spoke to her-yet extremely stressful and conflicted. Another day another missed chance.
Things withered down-I began accepting the fact that wheter the girls were single or not, they were just going to ask me to beatbox for one reason. Entertainment. Just to entertain them, never because they wanted to be with me-not like any other guy, no. I guess it's just one of the tolls you have to take when you have a talent. I saw her sit down, surrouned by several guys, talking to one in particular as she smiled. Sigh..."Yep, just let her go Anthony-you're an entertainer, you were born to entertain..that's it.." Never had I felt bad about being good at something but, whatever.
I got lunch and sat with my friends. It didn't feel like a day was missed anymore because I didn't even talk to her actually. "It's over Johnny, it's over.." in reference to First Blood-what I usually tell myself when I should just-put a lid on it.
Well I felt a little less stressed, knowing full well that what I said was probably right. Until she got caught cutting in line and got sent right to me (the back). I begun conversation, "Caught you huh!" I was much better this time. I remember a few tips..talk about school and what not. This is when I actually first learned she was in 10th grade (younger than I was hoping for but still good nonetheless)-I instantly went into the F-cat..I hated that fucker back then, and so did she. She went on for awhile about how hard it was, which I agreed to. I told her what she would be doing in 11th grade come F-cat time (it's a state issued test for Florida schools) and well-it was nice to see her up close and personal again. I talked about (actually reprised) my favorite scene in Transformers, and learned we share the same fave character. For the first time we looked in each other's eyes so closely-you can only notice her cute freckles and smile when you're that close. And I still somehow managed to blow it. My last words were, "That's fantastic! That's amazing!" before we parted ways. She looked back at me as I quickly went to sit with my friends. Should've slapped myself in the forehead-because I think I killed it. I didn't cite this as a missed chance though, but I would....
By now I was certain I liked her. Still not sure why-but it had to be that six letter word-SINGLE and the fact that she does indeed share my Transformers interest, while also being very attractive at the same time. Heck it even felt a little better knowing she was a bit younger than me, instead of feeling intimidated by age. So shouldn't I not be so nervous?
Days came-she stood by in lunch, but wouldn't acknowledge, she'd quickly cut-and successfully. I devised my plan would be to extract an AIM screen name out of her. It it was painful, I would be stuck with my friends as I saw her from afar sitting with hers-but I was far too nervous to intrude, and far too loyal to just leave mines (there was nothing I hated more than a male friend who would leave me behind for some girl). Days came when she would be right in front of me, her back turned. One of those days came, so I tried in my first 'cellophane' encounter to speak to her again. "Natalie!" Kids started, but I kept trying. .....she cut ahead. "Was I not loud enough?" My mind's always my best friend. I was about to ask for it too-then I would've told her. Another day, yet another missed chance-bye NBE-01.
Days came and they were the same, no more talking, no more hi, no more bye. I tried to no avail to sit and stand by areas she would-but my 'friends' were always on the move. And on the surface I was the usual happy beatboxing guy-but on the inside I couldn't stop thinking about the girl I could be with right here right now. The bell rung and it was the same old tune, another day another chance missed. One day they weren't here again-but she would be with her friends. I was too nervous to be the type that just swoops in and goes, "HEY THERE HONEY!" They were all probably a grade level below me too-but still, I just was! I literally would walk right by her as she stared at me, me staring too.
Another day, another chance missed. I discovered one day, my friends- nor NBE-01 were here. Being a huge fan of broadway musicals-I improvised a song, "My conflict isn't here!" There was nothing to fret over, no more stress. And then there she was-in pink pants. "No..no..NO!" I wondered where she came from. Quickly I learned she wasn't at lunch anymore period-if only for a few seconds to visit her friends (or I would wish me). Seems her classes had been switched around. Call it the worst lunch ever eh-"It really, truly is...over Johnny..." But I breathed, calmed myself down-she still showed up at the end of the day! I discovered she said hi to me, smiling as we all left to our respective dismissal areas. I swore to stop trying but I had a feeling this girl still liked me (if she ever did like me in the first place) Everyday at least it made me happy to say hi to her-sometimes I'd turn around and spur into some nervous quick conversation-"Oh I haven't talked to you in so long!" She would just walk on smiling.
This is where it sits at to this day. I suppose this story stretches over about a month or two-from when I first got the beatbox request. And like I said, it's been strange dreams, and wishes, and desires. "Maybe she'll stop being hot to me." I got her to go beyond "hi!" one day when I called, "NATALIE!" and she turned around. ...phew..definitely not, this girl is absolutely gorgeous-still. This is when she told me why she wasn't at lunch anymore, "I got switched." we said bye, as I went to the bathroom. Another day another missed chance? Perhaps. Everyday the conflict would just be there, the obsession, the fact that I dream about her, the fact that she's single, the fact that she's so attractive, just every day, at home, at the store, in bed, in the morning, obviously at school-just THERE! I would talk about to her (and still do) to my best friend-Jose. He's a really good friend-a guy who if were a girl I would hope match the personality of NBE-01 (hey not weird right?) He knows me better than anyone on campus we can and do talk about anything. With no more people on AIM or anything like that, he became my outlet on my failures with NBE-01. Him, and his brother, and his friend all heard me speak her name multiple times, say how hot she is-and still do on occasion. And the same answer would come up, "Just go talk to her." "Just ask what are you doing after school today?" I used Yahooanswers like crazy, everyday that I meditated NBE-01 would be one of the main conflicts to etch out of my mind. Everyday was a missed chance as she walked on by. Spring break came-a week full of animation and of course-thinking about NBE-01. I came to a solution the day before it ended. "I'm just going to go up and tell her that I like her, the worst that could happen is that I get more confidence just from trying!"
If only that were as easy as I thought. She wouldn't even visit to lunch anymore-that was my planned spot to catch her (a spot I still look for her at) so ah the end of the day! My finalized plan was devised. With less than a month left before I graduate I was going to approach NBE-01, given that she was alone and not with any friends, and say, "I have come to the conclusion that I like you." That's all I had to say, not like it was-"Will you go out with me?" or, "Will you marry me?" or anything like that just-"I like you." If I told her I know I would feel so relieved, knowing that the missed chances were over, that I finally got to tell my crush how crazy I've been over her.
A close call came on my way to Drama she was just walking into the cafeteria-on her own, but it was way too late to catch her. "Damn, almost had her!"
The best call came at the end of the day one day-a day I have felt so bad and my most recent experience. Two days prior to this, she smiled, said hi and waved her hand again. I was almost going to touch her hand but decided not to. There was she was, I was just thinking about her too (trust me when I say she's on my mind like crazy) The conditions were met-she was alone, and not around any friends. It was time! The good ol Stan Bush tune kicked in, "You can win if you dare!" I ran up the stairs. "NATALIE!" ....she didn't turn her head. She walked on. I followed her, "...Natalie, what's wrong angry or...something......" She moved to the opposite side of me-"Natalie!" ...."It's over Johnny..." shaken like I don't know what, I just went to go sit back down. I was humiliated, embarrassed,etc. I just felt bad-and couldn't stop shaking. I just pretty much chased this girl down, and what the hell happened. I dwelved into my imagination picturing a rendition of, "Mr. Cellophane," from Chicago-whom I felt exactly like. Although deeply hurting I just smiled.....at least I tried-but I still didn't say it yet, "I like you." I was going to-that was going to be the moment! But no, that was it. Either she didn't like me anymore, or she just went through the same thing every teenage girl goes through every month. I told myself the latter to make myself feel better.
Eventually I got over it-but literally didn't do anything at home all day but lie down thinking, "..what happened.." By now more like another MONTH another missed chance. I told my friend about it-he said the same thing, "time of the month..know what I mean?" I said.."...yea.!" Just kind of laughing it off. It was kind of funny in retrospect after all-"a girl will ask me to beatbox anytime, but I try to have a normal conversation with her and she starts running away!" Of course even I laughed at that one.
Two days after that embarrassing encounter I noticed she still stares at me. I had also missed another chance. She was walking to one of her classes as I was talking to Jose. Funny, because I was talking to him about her ignorning me, and there she was! She glanced at me for no more than a second-and moved on. Funny how all my conflict tends to do that. Jose was dieing to see who NBE-01 is, but I still didn't point her out. Just watched her walk away before realizing it was yet another missed chance. I love NBE-01 but I would ditch my best friend since 11th grade for my crush? But I was happier than usual-because two days after blatantly ignoring me-at least she looked at me, at least she probably didn't hate me.
And it's been the same ever since, no more hi-just staring. I've noticed some of the more unique kinds too-like I'll see her staring out of the corner of my eye for a long time-and I'll look over and she'll look away. Usually I'd say hi-but the old Sith in me kicked in again and I treated her like she treated me.
And that's where I last left off from-and here I am, asking you Duncan. It's still the same outside of school-the dreams, my heart racing-I've even begun monitoring when my heart beats for her. I've never kissed a girl, never held one, never snuggled with one, never had a tangible real life girlfriend period. The desire to be with her kind of crept up on me. I picture us just sitting on each other, the Transformers DVD in..enjoying it more than any of us ever had before-together. I picture her just walking into my room and saying "Wow!" at the all the Decepticons I have on my shelf before I just embrace her saying, "You really are the girl of my dreams." I can jump to conclusions quite a bit-it's likely I am and ever will be is that entertainer for girls instead of a partner for them-but how am I supposed to know if I don't try? And I just don't know how to try!
And as I sit here now that old Stan Bush classic still flares up in my head..."you can fly if you try leaving the past behind/heaven only knows what you can find...DARE!" If by some miracle I could go out with Natalie I would absolutely love it-but is it even possible Duncan? Even after all those missed chances? I guess I'd be happy enough learning how to tell her I like her, but when? Is it even possible I win this girl over? I graduate in 20 something days-I suppose there's lotsof women out there, but something is still tieing me to NBE-01...what do I do Duncan? What do I DO?!
I do kindly thank you for reading my epic long question, honestly-if you really had the patience to read all of this it shows you really are the best person for the job. I'm sorry it's so long, it's just how much I care about her.
Thank you so much Duncan!
ANSWER: Hey Anthony,
Just to let you know, I did read the whole thing. You remind me of myself a whole lot, since I've been in similar situations. Listen, you've got to stop thinking SO MUCH about this girl. You are about to graduate and start in a land of dating that will blow you away. The thing with this girl is that she is beautiful and nice to you. Since you haven't had a girlfriend before, you start to think that she might be the one for you, the way that it was meant to be, right? You've got to stop obsessing over her and wait till you graduate. Especially if you're going to college, which it sounds like you are with that novel of a question that you just wrote (which is cool), you are going to get help from your friends (ones that won't make fun of you) to find a girl that is not only similar in age, but one that you will actually have time to hang out with on campus and stuff. Trust me, I was in a really similar situation, and I ended up deciding to move on and have fun with my life. If you enjoy your last 20 days of high school, you'll realize that this won't even matter that much. You haven't been throwing away opportunities to hang out with her either. It just wasn't the right time for you to have a girlfriend. Just know that you'll find the right person soon enough. Feel free to write back. Good luck and have fun, man!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hey again Duncan, since you did what no other human being could do for me back in high school (which has still only been a month since it's end) I can't think of any better guy to ask on the followup.
"You are about to graduate and start in a land of dating that will blow you away."
That quote ran in my head my last few days there (and was something I'd tell friends in similar situations), and now that I've been out-I'm REALLY curious on how to get into that land, and how to possibly have my first girlfriend while I'm in it. Opposite sex wise my mindset is still pretty similar to what the question was-and I actually haven't talked to any girls (who weren't typing in my order at a register) since high school.
I've seen attractive (possibly single) women in the malls and what not, but those high school nerves are still there-me staring at them-us making quick eye contact, and then both quickly looking the other way.....same deal. I enjoy the older age range available, and the freedom of it all-but I just don't know when I'll be able to dive right into this all. I guess it helps to mention that I still don't have my license (nor permit, nor a car) yet..and I feel restrained by my mom. Is a car to dating what a lightsaber is to the Jedi? (plus if I had one I'd live my dream of driving to TRU every morning!)
Well before I make this another novel-I'm just curious on how I can transition into meeting my Harley Quinn someday...thanks again!
Answer Hi Anthony,
First off, a car doesn't matter in dating if you are planning to go to college, because hardly anybody has a car anyway. Also, don't worry too much about those high school nerves. I feel the same way as you, and girls notice that too. You're going to meet a girl that isn't afraid to keep looking when you make eye contact and will make all of the moves for you, I guarantee it. Good luck!
