Dealing with Crushes/Friendship/Crush
Hi I am a bit older than most that would write to you. I am a 24 year old guy. I donít have many friends and find it hard at times to talk to people due to being incredibly shy. I have never had a girlfriend but have experienced crushes before. Over the past few years my confidence has improved mainly due to my work and having to interact with people. This year a new girl started. I hit it off with her straight away and have fell for her. We are pretty flirty with one another. The problem is she has two kids and a boyfriend and she very much sees this as her family. I obviously know that Iím not going to have a chance with her nor would I want to be the cause of a family breaking up. I donít really know what to do. I donít feel as if I can tell her my feeling for her. Most advice columns say to occupy yourself with other things but as I donít really have friends and find that incredibly difficult. Even then she still texts me. Sheís actually doing that as I write this. As I said before Iíve had crushes before and dealt with them but never quite one this bad. Iíve actually been physically sick when I see pictures of her own social media with her boyfriend. There are also the sleepless nights but I donít sleep well anyway but again have experienced that through other crushes. Normally when I want something I get tunnel vision and focus solely on that and I think thatís what am doing here but again how do I break that. I donít want to avoid her as I donít really have friends and donít want to lose one but then again I donít feel telling her is the right thing either. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
I am assuming that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings ( or you believe that there is little chance of that) since you haven't mentioned it explicitly. This is likely to be the case since you have told me that she has 2 kids and a boyfriend.
While I understand that you really have strong feelings for her, it is important that this kind of feeling is mutual. Let's out at the various possible scenarios.
You convey your feelings to her - It is likely that she won't accept it the way it is. It is also likely that you might lose a friend. If she accepts it, do you think she will be able to reciprocate your feelings the way you do it? While this might not be important to you right now but this becomes quite necessary in the long run.
You don't convey your feelings to her - You might continue to feel bad. But how long will you do this? Do you see both of you being together or in contact forever. Lot of things in life keep changing. So she might not be a part of your life forever. Although you might find it difficult right now, you will surely feel ok after a point of time.
It is important at times that you behave like a mirror and give the other person what you get from them. It isn't worthwhile to get obsessed about her when she doesn't really have the same feelings. You might feel sad now but this is something that will appear very silly for you 5 years down the lane.
I appreciate that you have a tunnel vision. But when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, would you still stay there? You can do that now saying that your feelings are quite strong for her but it won't be worthwhile. You will realize it a few years from now.
Cheer up! You will surely find a person who loves you the way you want to be loved. That will happen at some point of time. Unnecessarily forcing yourself upon someone might not be the right solution. You can now decide how you want to take this ahead.
Hope this helps.