About mm Expertise I can answer situations, problems and how to deal with your crushes. I can also help how this girl/boy will notice you. In fact I can answer differnet types of questions about crushes I will try my best to help you.
Experience my experience from myself, i also give advice to my friends, i had many crushes and some of the well... like me back.
Dealing with Crushes - Think I'm in love with one of my best friends, don't know what to do!
Expert: mm - 12/27/2005
Question All right, this is gonna be kinda long(really long, actually), but I hope you can bear through it all and help me out.
I'm a senior in high school, and have known this girl for all 4 years. I met her in band, and we started hanging out in the same group of friends (all band people) our freshman year. By the end of that year, I'd already developed a really strong crush on her, and this carried over to my sophmore year.
Even though we had most of the same friends, I didn't ever spend any time alone with her, and yet I still had very strong feelings of attraction for her. (never just asked her out because I'm actually sort of an introvert, and was/am sort of scared). Got freaked out by being so... affected by someone I never got to know *that* well, so I tried to start a relationship with another girl who flirted with me to get my crush out of my head. This was a complete failure, and I only got more attracted/intoxicated/(obsessed? I hope not, but I dunno)... So, the end of the year drew near, and I was still only casual friends with her, only I *liked* her more than ever. I was also about to quit band around this time, because it took up waaaay too much time (texas requires marching band, and that means a TON of practice), but since she was made drum major, and one of our mutual best friends was staying in as well, I signed up for another year.
My junior year passed in about the same fasion as the previous year; got to be a little bit closer with her, but not much, but fell quite a long ways for her. By the end of the junior year (last year) I was quite... enchanted by the very thought of her. I'd find myself thinking about her often, even when I didn't want to. I hated band, and studying (even if I'm in all AP), but because she was staying in, I signed up for another year of band and even signed up for Academic Decathalon, where you study 10 extra subjects and compete in them, simply because she was in it as well.
So, finally, we come to my senior year. It really kicked in hard during the summer; while I was gone on a 70 mile backpacking trek in the mountains, all I could think about was her beautiful smile, and hear that dancing laugh of her's. I made up my mind that this year, at least, I'd get to be much closer with her.
Summer band started up, and I started talking to her before and after each practice, getting to know her better (we always hung out in school and on band trips, but I had never gotten to know her closely). Finally, school started, and I discovered that I'd be spending more than half my day with her, through calculus class, Academic Decathalon, and marching band. All of a sudden I found myself staying after school "studying" math problems with until practice started almost every day, even if I never "studied" for any class before. Every day, almost inevitably, we'd end up pushing two desks together and working out of the same book, almost touching for a while, until we'd start talking and telling more about each other. It really started here that I got to know her less as an idol, and more as a person; but with each flaw and quirk that I discovered, I only loved her more, because that's what made her uniquely *her*.
Then, the football games started, which we're required to attend and perform at. In the past, I used to zoom out after each game as fast as possible; however this year, after I found out that she stays to put up all the uniforms and unload the trailers up until late at night, I started staying too. I'd end up helping put up all the drumline junk up too, but actually started looking forward to doing so, because usually after each game, we'd just end up sitting around outside and talking. Usually, it'd be for about an hour or so, sometimes we'd go out to eat with some other friends for a fun late dinner at Chile's. Towards the end of the season, though, we both got swamped with English V work and books to read, and so we'd spend a couple hours just sitting under the stars, helping each other through the mess of schoolwork and then just talking some more.
A lot of what we talked about was each other's pasts, and a lot of her worries and fears about her conducting and leading the band, but more importantly, her future and college plans. Soon, almost too soon, band ended, but that's when Ac Dec kicked into high gear. When I realized that I was about to be cut from the team, I studied sometimes up until 2-3 AM until I clawed my way to a secure spot on the team. After all, the whole reason I joined was so I could spend more time with her, and I couldn't do that if I was cut. After I made the team, I started spending more time than ever with her. Every week, we'd have speech practice, and everyone would go home for about 5 hours and come back; we would just end up studying and talking next to each other for those hours, and oftentimes stay after for another hour or so after speech practice was done. She's really focused on whatever she does, and almost hinted that she thought we spent too much time just messing around instead of actually "studying". I straightened up some, and she seems happier about it now - we spend a lot more time actually getting more work done, but still find quite a bit of time to just... be.
So, I'll usually spend at least a couple hours with her a day, about once a week it'll be up to four, and once or twice I stayed up with her for 6 hours (she zero hours economics, which is where you read the text on your own time in order to fit all your classes in; even though I had already done the same thing the trimester before, I stayed by telling her I could use the extra practice for the economics Ac Dec portion). So, those have been my weeks, basically. A lot of these nights end up with me being alone with her, just joking around, and then I'll walk her to her car; I'm half dying to tell her how I feel, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way, so I never tell her flat out what I'm thinking.
I've realized that I've changed a LOT recently to hopefully catch her eye... Personality-wise, I'm still me, but I've heard repeatedly that girls want someone who can make them laugh. Unfortunately, I'm not naturally a funny guy. So, I've tried to make it up in every other area instead. I quit my long-time obsession with games (they seem so stupid now) and started working out, dropping 10 pounds of fat and then regaining 20 in muscle. From all the studying that we've been doing, all of my practice AP test scores have skyrocketed. I also started learning how to cook, from creme brule to sushi to steaks and pastas, just to see if I can hopefully impress her a little. She loves music (she plays the flute), so I started playing the piano again, and started blazing through pieces, trying to find one that she likes. For a while, I had lost faith (I'm catholic) due to some bad... experiences and occurences (illnesses and such), but since I wanted to spend more time with her, I started coming again. At first, it was just to endure the mass and talk with her after, but now I've... made my peace, and have actually found that I believe and can pray again.
She believes in respecting everything, and I've found that I don't cuss anymore, and that I rarely do anything that she'd disapprove of. I know that you shouldn't really change much for the person you like, but she makes me into what I feel is a better person, and makes me feel good about myself.
Maybe it'd help if I tell you what she's like, and what sort of draws me to her:
I'm about 5'9, Vietnamese.
She's Filipino, quite short (5'1-2), and on her worse days is still unbearably cute.
She usually has short (less than shoulder length) bushy hair that I find quite endearing, on special occasions she'll straighten it out and it looks stunning. Her brow and nose are sooo incredibly delicate-looking, and look perfect to me; her eyes seem to lock onto mine whenever we talk, and almost grow - I could drown in those eyes happily and not even know it. Her smile... seems to brighten up the whole room. In fact, I can have a completely bad day and just one of her smiles can make everything else seem trivial. She's quite athletic, and takes good care of her body to keep it tone. Her personality is what really got me, however. Whatever she does, she does with complete focus and determination. She won multiple awards at band competitions for best drum major for her passion; in Ac Dec, she can study through just about anything; for all her AP classes, she'll stay up until 2-3 in the morning (so do I, but she does it and still manages to be completely positive and optimistic), and in music, she'll practice a piece until she masters it. She's almost always in a high spirits, and it takes something really bad to bring her down. Oftentimes, she has a strict and almost unbreakable self-dicipline, but other times, she just acts completely spontaneously, just loving to have a good time.
I've found that she's the last thing that I see before I fall asleep; if I dream, then she's in it, and she's the first thing that pops into my head when I wake up (no exaggeration). No matter what I'm doing, I think of her, from studying, to working out, to cooking, to playing games or doing chores. Heck, I just got off of my favorite sports this break, skiing and snowboarding, and the entire time I was in the mountains, I was just thinking of her smile and how fun it'd be to share the view with her. Looking back on a bunch of the big things in my life, she's always there. My Catholic Confimation, she was in the same class. My best friend's Eagle Scout Court of Honor, she was there, and she'll be at mine when it happens in a couple months. Looking at all the pictures of my friends over the past years, she's in every group shot, and really in more than half of them. Even all my classes and activities this year, I joined in order to be with her. She's really always been there, and I don't know what to do. Over the past year especially, we've become a cross between best friends, mutual confidentes, but she's also the motivation for everything that I do.
Recently, since we have the same friends, we've started to hang out and just go have fun much more. We went with others to go have fun at the movies, the mall, bowling, or just goofing around at people's houses. Right after Christmas break started, I went with her and a group of friends to go out for some Asian food, and we just wandered around for a bit messing around in the Asian stores; then we went out to a friend's rock concert, right before swinging by a Christmas party, where we spent pretty much the whole night sitting next to each other. I had also gotten her a gift, just a book that I knew would make her laugh; I havent' told her how I feel yet, so I wanted to keep it light.
However, I don't think I did it too well, since the next day we both went to another friend's house with others. I had gotten there first, and everyone started asking why I didn't come with her, since we're always with each other.
Apparently, everyone has known for a while now that I've fallen for her. They all say that I'm always spending time with her, opening doors, carrying her stuff, and walking her out to her car, getting her a box of chocolate, a card, and a hug when she seemed really upset, or doing favors for her. But, isn't that just the right thing to do, to be there for your friend? I didnt' even realize that I was doing all this, it just seemed... natural. However, all my friends say that I was being "obvious"! My problems now are this:
If everyone could see that I was this deep in it for her, she probably could as well. Since she hasn't said anything about it yet, does she even like me that way? Does she only want to remain friends?
Also, looking back at all the time I've spent with her and the stuff I do for her, have I come off as overeager and made her not like me *that* way? Should I tell her as soon as I see her again after the break?
With her dominating all my thoughts now, for years, is this love, or infatuation, or what?
I had also promised myself that by Valentine's Day, no matter what, I'd tell her how I felt, and now with February getting closer, I don't know how to even if I wanted to; and I've never gone out with anyone, so I don't know what to do as far as dating. I'm also not that funny, so I don't know what happens if we go out and I run out of things to talk about.
Finally, as this is our senior year, should I even ask her out, since we might have to end it come next year? We're both going to schools in Texas, but it looks like we might go to different colleges. There is a chance that we might go to universities that are still in the area, so we'd stay at home near each other, but what if we don't? Should I tell her anyway and risk a long-distance or even a lost relationship in the future?
Anyway, I'm sorry for the book I posted up here, if you manage to get through this and help me, you deserve a medal of honor. You'd get one in my book, anyhow. Thank you for all your help!!!
Sincerly grateful,
Linus
Answer yeah, it's a novel =D... did you ever try to ask her what her ideal man is? just try to be yourself.. it doesn't require you to be funny for her to like you... The only ones that could answer what she feels about you is her... so try to tell her how you feel but do it slowly... I can't answer if you are infatuated or what you are feeling for her is love... you are the only one who can answer that.. love is tested through time... all I can say is don't worry to much for the future and enjoy what is present.. I hope this helps... mm=)
