AboutJurriaan Plesman Expertise I have a degree in Psychology from the Sydney University and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Nutrition.
I am also the author of “GETTING OFF THE HOOK” which deals with the nutritional and psychological treatment of personality disorders. It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search.
I am interested in the relationship between nutrition and behaviour, and as a Probation ans Parole Officer facilitated groups for offenders, many of whom were alcoholics and drug addicts, sex offenders or compulsive gamblers, as well as the whole gamut of “personality disorders”.
I am also the editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia Newsletter, a quarterly publication dealing with hypoglycemia and related health problems.
Its web site, together with a shortened course of PSYCHOTHERAPY can be visited at:
Degrees & Certifications:
BA (Psychology) Sydney University and Post Grad Dipl Clin Nutr
Web page:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Experience Psychotherapist
Organizations The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia
Publications Book: GETTING OFF THE HOOK
Various articles in the Hypoglycemic Healh Association of Australia Newsletters
Education/Credentials BA (Psych), Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Expert: Jurriaan Plesman Date: 5/9/2008 Subject: My Fiancee doesn't know if she loves me... all of the sudden.
Question I have been dating my fiancee for the past year and we have been engaged for a little over a month. I love this girl to death. She is more than just my fiancee, she is my best friend, she is a part of me and I am very much in love with her. She has been in and out of depression for the past year or two, struggling with an eating disorder and dealing with issues at home. There have been landmark issues in our relationship that follow a distinct pattern of her questioning our relationship (and not knowing why) then pushing me away. We broke up last August due to it and I found out afterwards that she had quit taking her medication. We got back together after a week and had such an amazing next few months. Leading into December she started to struggle with her eating disorder and stopped taking her medication. She went into a deep depression which lead her to distance herself from me. She didn't want to call me, she didn't want to see me, she didn't even want to text me. She started going to a counselor/dr/psychiatrist and began to pull out of it three weeks later. Our relationship was amazing going into the spring of this last year. We started talking about marriage and the things we could do together. She got soo excited about it and wouldn't stop asking me when I would propose to her. After battling it out and scratching together the money to buy her a ring, I proposed to her (it was so good, she cried sooo much) on March 22. A week later she quit taking her medication because she didn't want to put it in her body. I was extremely frustrated with her because I knew the pattern she had followed previously and was scared it would happen again. We went through two or three weeks of bliss only to come crashing down. She had admitted her doubt but I took it as stress and the nerves that come with planning a wedding. (She works at a summer camp all summer and we had been trying to get as ready for the wedding in Nov as we could... pretty stressful)It turned into a rollercoaster, she loved me and wanted to be with me... that was sure but wether or not she wanted to get married in November became the question. She then started worrying about losing her friends when we got married and the degree to which her life would change. All of this culminated into what she called a "gut feeling" that we wouldn't wind up together. I assured her of my love, and that I wasn't going anywhere. Not too long after, one of her friends was broken up with by her long term boyfriend and it sent my fiance into a fury. She was mad at him for what he had done and she saw the pain in her friend... which made her fear the same for herself. Once again I assured her. Later on down the road she began to doubt more and more. I began to ask her about her medicine but any time I brought it up she became furious so I left it alone. She quit taking her med because she felt good, better without it in fact. The difference in her behavior was immediately noticeable. She paid less attention to me and more to her friends, less time with me and more with them. She started acting out by doing things outside of her character. Finally, two days ago she came into the office where I work. I had noticed her hesitation saying I love you a couple of days prior. I kissed her on her forehead and asked her what was wrong, she said she didn't know... that she was questioning us. I told her I loved her and she just kind of laughed. Then she told me she didn't know whether she loved me or not. Later that day we had a huge miscommunication and wound up breaking up for an hour, then I called her back only to find out she had intended to ask for a break. We are still engaged, still together, but I have agreed to give her space while she tries to figure out what is going on. She knows that she has loved me and doesn't know what happened, why she can't feel it right now. She has had several big fights with friends in the last week and that is very unlike her. I am waiting in limbo right now, waiting to see what she "finds out." I mentioned it may be her depression, some of her friends told me they thought something was wrong... she had been acting different recently. Last night we spoke on the phone for a little bit, she cried a lot and I tried to console her. I love her. I told her about her depression, that I thought it was causing a lot of this and I think for the first time she considered that I may be right in that. She doesn't want to go back on her medication and thinks that there is an alternative. I told her that it may be true but, what is needed is her happiness and to have the depression under control. I am waiting here to see if the love of my life is going to turn me away. I believe it is because of her depression but I don't know. I can't talk to her, I can't see her, I can't do anything but wait and pray. I love her so much and out lives are very much intertwined, I don't plan on leaving her but I don't want this pain. She is worth it and I will be here until we get an answer. Only thing is I believe we both know the answer and it lies in her medication. Tell me, what do you think about this? How can I love her in this? I want to serve her as best as I can... I don't want to be pushed away. I want to marry her without a doubt. I know she loves me. I do.I can't stop crying, i can't focus, I can't eat or sleep. My heart hurts with a pain I did'nt know existed. I'm hurt, angry, frustrated, yet patient and madly in love. I want her to pull out of this but its only getting deeper. She just moved home from school and is having a really hard time today. She leaves for summer camp in six days and I fear no resolution will be reached before then.
Answer Dear jason,
I fully understand what is going on, and his must be very hard on you.
You have to understand that a person who is depressed, does not know why she is depressed. This is because depression has not so much to do with her mind or things going on her environment, but has more to do with her body. Depression is mainly a physiological disorder, where the body has problems producing the feel good neurotransmitters such as serotonin. The result is an inability to feel happy and content, and she does not know why. This is why depressed people tend to withdraw, because there is nothing to talk about. They cannot give a "rational" explanation. It is natural for such a person to question her love relationship, because she has a desperate need to understand why she feels unhappy.
I can also understand why her medication is not helping her, because AD medication only mask the symptoms without "curing" the underlying causes of depression. And if she has a metabolic disorder, of course, talk therapy is not going to help either.
and ask to be referred to a nutritional doctor or a clinical nutritionist for help.
Please let me know how you are getting on.
_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman
