AboutReed (John Rieger) Expertise I do not follow traditional methods of therapy that treat the outer symptoms or give the illusion of a cure with a bandage approach in order to make one "feel good" by denying the real issues, the inner causes. I have eleven intensive years of personal experience in many "NEW AGE" areas that have lead me to discover new ways and methods of REAL emotional healing and in turn also healing our mental and physical bodies. I work with healing ALL emotions, the mental blocks holding them in place and the physical manifestations they represent. I use the knowledge and insights I have gained through either personal experience or my experience in working with others on their healing journey. I also use my intuition and other abilities to assist others to touch and begin to heal their real issues. If you have intent to HEAL your emotions and to take responsibility for your personal well being then I may be able to assist you. If you are looking for a quick fix, don`t ask me. Reed
Question I am a 31 year old woman. Married for 6 years next month. This is my second marriage and I love my husband dearly. We had our first baby (I have 2 girls with another marrage) together and My first son. He is so cute. I have bi-polar disorder but I refuse to take medication because I hate the "zombie" feeling it makes me. I just came out of a manic stage right after the baby was born now I am in my depression stage, but this one seems worse than normal. I don't want to go see a DR because the last couple of times I have "given in" and went to go see one, the would talk to me for 5 mins then try to put me on mood stabilizers, this is even AFTER I tell them I don't want to be on medication.
I don't feel interested in my 3 month old. I bearly talk to my husband. I am doing poorly at work, and just don't care. I hate my "just don't care" attitudes and i try to get over it but I just can't care. i can't stop crying and I have to excuse myself from the office to go and cry. I am thinking that I might have PPD on top of my Bi-polar which from what I have been reading is not a good thing. I feel like I should die but I am NOT suicidal. I just don't want to be be around anymore. I think that the world would be better off without me and I say very mean things to myself in the mirror. I then have a big mood swing (more like a roller coaster) and I am fine for an hour or 2. I am not cutting/hitting myself during this bout but at times I really, really want to because I KNOW it makes me feel better. I don't do it because I know how much it bothers my husband.
I am scared that I am not going to get out of this on my own, and I am scared that if I go to a DR they will not listen to me an put me on meds, I don't think drugs is the solution, I just don't know what is. Or worse i am scared of being thrown in a hospital because of the thoughts I am having.
I find myself getting really mad at my son when I can't figure out what is wrong with him. He is a good baby, but when I work he gets clingy and crys for me to hold him. I am breastfeeding but I really don't want to but my husband wants me to do it until he is 6 months old. this is not helping the situation but I WANT to be a good mom and wife, I just don't know how to get over myself. I feel guilty because I feel selfish, that it is all about me, which makes my circle start all over again.
I need help getting off this roller coaster. I am rambling on. I know that. I am sorry. I know what I need to do but I am not comfortable talking face to face with someone. any suggestions on getting out of this on my own?
Answer Hi Connie,
As I finished reading your post I got the feeling that the reason you hate your son is that you’re still breast feeding him AGAINST your wishes... Now the breast feeding isn’t the real problem, the problem is that you are doing things to please other people, (your husband) and not what pleases you.. If you think back. you’ll probably see that pleasing others is a repetitive pattern and has been all your life..
On top of that, there is the added RESPONSIBILITY and the GUILT and SHAME of having to be a GOOD person.. a GOOD mother and GOOD wife, etc, etc, and that again means doing what others tell you is “good” and "loving" and not what you feel is good and loving to yourself and to others.
The “I don’t care” syndrome is also a reflection of your lack of self-love, and trying to meet other peoples expectations on you as well as trying to meet your expectations you have on yourself...... that of having to be... PERFECT.... in their and your eyes... And as you well know... that is not only undesirable, but also impossible...
You are already perfect... by perfect..I mean being in the perfect moment.. You have had the perfect experiences to show you what love is not... and now you can choose to have another experience... to show you what love is....
I’m smiling here as what I’m about to say will shock you... and that is.. Seeing that you can’t please everyone... and you can never be perfect in their eyes.. why not accept the fact that others will always see fault in you and that no matter what you do...you will never be perfect according to their judgments..... That's a given..
OK... So now that it doesn’t matter WHAT YOU DO....... DO what pleases you... Do what makes you happy... I mean what makes your Heart sing.... What excites you... Take a deep breath and feel life filling your lungs! It’s time to let go of what you thought love was and to really feel what love is...
There’s an old Dr Suess quote that I like and I think is appropriate here...
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“Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.”
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