AboutPatricia A. Schafer, PCC-S, NCC, LICDC Expertise I am a Licensed Professional Clinical
Counselor in Cleveland, Ohio and a National Certified Counselor. I am presently working on my PhD at Kent State. I specialize in Seasonal Affective Disorder, and other depression problems. Also, I counsel families of alcoholics/drug addictions; social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues and a variety of other issues. If I can help, let me know. Thank you.
Question Hi there. I am a young woman in her twenties who has suffered from severe, debilitating depression since as far back as I can remember. I remember having my first suicidal thought when I was still in elementary school. I think of killing myself often, but I have never been able to find the courage to go through with it.
About a year ago I got pregnant, and decided to have an abortion. I believed it was the right thing to do. I know that with my illness, I am NOT capable of caring for a child, and I just couldn't bring myself to give my child up. MY depression is so severe that I am unable to work, and am on a disability pension(not welfare). I see a psychiatrist and a counselor(have been for years) and take several different medications. But it doesn't help much. I spend most of my days locked in the house. I sleep a lot.
Anyway, a family member made a comment the other day that really hurt me. She said that all women who have abortions are "selfish whores" and "murderers", and said the only time it is acceptable is if her life or health is in danger.
I said that health is a very broad term, and can also include emotional and mental health. I brought up the fact that women like myself who suffer from depression are more prone to developing severe post-partum depression and could be a threat to ourselves or our babies.
Well, she jsut went on and on about how mental illness can be overcome, that there is medication a woman can take, that it just takes discipline and a desire to get better and blah blah. She also said that it was better the woman suffer from depression for several months or even a few years than someone lose their life.
Since then I have been feeling really down on myself. Like maybe I am a bad person for having an abortion. And maybe I am just weak and haven't tried hard enough to get better.
I have no one to talk to. I don't want to tell my therapist about this, because I am ashamed. And my family is very conservative and wouldn't understand. I have no friends. Can you help? Thank you for listening. I hope you will not judge me.
Leigh
Answer Hi Leigh:
As a mental health therapist and one who specializes in depression, I still find it hard to believe that so many people still believe that depression is something you can just "get over" - they do not understand that it is a true physical illness of the brain - the brain chemistry has gone awry. People do not get upset if you say your kidneys are not functioning and you need dialysis - they seem to understand that. But help for brain chemistry, they do not understand and how difficult it is to find the right antidepressants to help the patient. Only those who have suffered with depression truly understand. So, I do sympathize with you greatly. If a person looses one leg, they cannot "think" it back on, just like one cannot "think" depression to go away. Discipline and desire does not cure depression.
Having an abortion is a very heavy duty emotional decision and suffering with depression adds to that emotion, guilt, depression, sadness, etc. etc. especially when others do not understand your physical/mental health issues.
I think you might benefit talking to a therapist that you are comfortable with and trust to discuss abortion. Your therapist may be more "open" than you think. You are feeling ashamed and feel ashamed is something you really need to talk to a professional about. There are some options: you can bring the matter up with your present therapist, and if you feel she is not understanding, then I would get a new therapist or see a therapist who specializes in women who have had abortions and also keep your present therapist.
You may even find a therapist on line just by typing in something like: "therapists for women who have had abortions" and see what comes up. You do need to talk this out with a professional and I think it will help you a lot and lighten your load because feeling ashamed could be adding to your depression.
