	AllExperts > Dealing with Depression
	Search

About Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychologist
Expertise
I have a degree in Psychology from the Sydney University and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Nutrition. I am also the author of “GETTING OFF THE HOOK” which deals with the nutritional and psychological treatment of personality disorders. It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. I am interested in the relationship between nutrition and behaviour, and as a Probation ans Parole Officer facilitated groups for offenders, many of whom were alcoholics and drug addicts, sex offenders or compulsive gamblers, as well as the whole gamut of “personality disorders”. I am also the ex-editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia Newsletter, a quarterly publication dealing with hypoglycemia and related health problems. Its web site, together with a shortened course of PSYCHOTHERAPY can be visited at: http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au

Experience
Nutritional Psychotherapist

Organizations
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia

Publications
Book: GETTING OFF THE HOOK
Various articles in the Hypoglycemic Healh Association of Australia Newsletters

Education/Credentials
BA (Psych) Sydney University, Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr (International Academy of Nutrition)

Past/Present Clients
See My Career as a Nutritional Psychologist at: http://psychonutrionaltherapy.blogspot.com/2009/07/my-career-as-nutritional-psychologist.html

You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Dealing with Depression > Confused bout boyfriends depression!!!!

Dealing with Depression - Confused bout boyfriends depression!!!!

Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychologist - 10/29/2009

Question
Hi Jurriaan

I dont even know where to start!!! Im a gay man, my boyfriend of a year and a half decided that he wanted to take a break from our relationship, as he was dignosed with major depression. Since then thing have just gone downhill. At the moment I am hurt and reali confused!!!! He started his therapy and meds a week before we broke up, which was 4 weeks ago. He says he is feeling great, but still doesnt want to see me or comunicate with me. Whn he does, its just a short text. 2 weeks ago i sent him a message saying that i love him and will wait fro him to get better, his exact response was " JUST STOP IT! I KNOW U ARE HURTING AND LOVE ME,BUT STOP IT! STOP SMSING ME THAT! STOP TELLING ME THAT U ARE WAITING FOR ME,I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT,STOP THINKING ABOUT THINGS!" I feel like i dont even know him. When I asked if we are finished, he just replied that WHEN OUR PATHS CROSS AGAIN, WE CAN SEE WHAT HAPPENS. The other day when I told him i had enough of this, and I need to try and forget bout him and move on, he called me and just about cried. Its like this continuos contridiction. He told me last week that maybe we are not ment to be together,and blamed me for alot of the problems in the relationship, I wasnt affectionat enough, im too immature ( after a year and a half)!!! Its like I speak to a complete stranger!
This all started 3 months ago when he was in tears and told me that God had come to him in a dream and told him he is living his live 'wrong'. He was upset, I left, and the next day he told me that he wants me in his life sharing all ihis days, but his head is messing with him! We got back together, things just took a turn for the worste, I could see th depression set in. He felt guilty whenever we had sex, he dstanced himself from. We argued alot, I thought there was somthing wrong with me. he was worried because he said he didn't feel sexualy attracted to me, and had never felt like that, and maybe our realationship was 'dying out'. He still called me 3 times a day as he always has, cuddled me in bed. Thats how I figured it wasnt our relationship. We broke up a month later, but 2 weeks later asked me to go out for dinner. We sorted things out, and he said that he DID love me. But he got more irritated with me and started comparing me to his ex's, saying Im not this or that, things that he was happy i wasnt before. 2 days before we broke up, we saw an older gay couple, and he said that would be us in 20 years. He also said sorry for being a bad boyfriend and he is sorry for what i am going thru. I still need to mention that his dad died 2 years ago ( the day his dad died, he pretended nothing had happened and carried on working), he was in an abusive relationship before me, and he lost his business a few months ago. I think this all became a bit much for him.
Like I said I thought things with th relationship would improve after taking his meds, but the relationship seems like more of a burden to him than anything, and now Im just being swept out the door. How can he not see that its the depression that has affected our relationship,instead of blamming me. I love him more than anything, and we planned on moving in together a few months ago. he told me that this is the best relationship he has had, and he can be himself. I reali dont know him anymore, and feel like he ( the guy I met ) is gone forever...

I would appreciat any info, or advice you can give me

Thanks Ryan

Answer
Hi Ryan,

You have to realize that when we are depressed, we tend to externalise (blame) our unhappiness on to the environment and in this case you. In other words it is natural that when we feel pathologically sad, we tend to look for environmental causes - for instance significant relationships as the cause of this sadness. But this is an illusion only! Depression is a biological illness and not one that is caused by outside events. It could be that the death of his father has triggered a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But even this is the case the problem is still the same, namely an internal biochemical abnormality that interferes with the production of feel good neurotransmitters such as serotonin. In other words it is physical,illness, not a mental illness, but the mind is the victim of the physical illness.

This biochemical abnormality needs to be treated first before we can deal with the psychological aspects of depression. Fortunately, most depressions or mood disorders can be treated by nutritional means once we know why the body ids not producing feel good neurotransmitters. A most common factor is hypoglycemia, but of course there can be other factors, that can be diagnosed by a Clinical Nutritionist or Nutritional Doctor. The best is to read articles at our self-help web site that explains why some people get depressed and other are not. Please read:

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/depression_disorder.html

Depression: a Disease of Energy Production at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/depression_energy3.pdf

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Hypoglycemia at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/PTStress.html

Self-help Personal Growth Psychotherapy at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.html

and ask for a referral to a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist, if self-help therapy fails.

I suppose, your relationship should be left in abeyance until your partner has fully recovered. While being depressed he would be unable to love or accept love from anybody, and he will remain depressed with whoever or wherever the partner.

I hope I have been of some help.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychologist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman

Add to this Answer Ask a Question