Dealing with Depression/depression
QUESTION: I am 16 years old and in the tenth standard . I have been suffering from depression since class eight. I am outgoing but I used to hide my feelings. I mean I become so talkative when I am really very upset. Therefore, the people around think that I am so happy still I'm not. I feel myself very lonely. I was a very good student still class seven without studying a lot. But now my position has doubled. The relation between my parents is not so good. I have a very close friend but, still I'm unsure about that whether she is my true friend or not. Sometimes, I wake up at 3:00 at night and start crying. But no one knows that. I can't help myself doing that. After that, I feel a strong pain in the left side of my head. I become so absent minded in times. Even, I am used to imagine impossible and past things. I have also a growth problem. But, I was almost a perfect girl earlier and used to perform in programmes in school and debating. I had a good habit of reading story book. But, the loneliness and the demotions of my life is harming my studies and everything else. I had also tried to share these with my mother. But she didn't pay any heed to my words.
ANSWER: Hello Anastella. I am sorry for your troubles. You are saying that it's being two years since you first felt depressed. Is there anything that you can identify which kick started your depression? Quite often we have very good reasons to be depressed and it is only after a critical period once we are able to see more clearly and to find solutions that we start to feel better. In other words do you know why you are depressed? You say that quite often you wake up at night and cry. What makes you cry? Why you are thinking that your friend might not be your friend? What are those impossible things you are thinking about? What you think should make you feel better?
You say that your parents do not get on well and i can understand that this could be a major reason of upset for you but how are you getting on with them?
Please let me know and i will try my best to help you.
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QUESTION: Maybe the demotions in my study , getting detatched from extra-curricular activities( which my parents pressured me to do), my height ( i'm 4 feet 11 inch),familial condition made me depressed. Even a very close friend of mine betrayed me then. I really have depended with my best friend. She is good and also anyone else in my life understands me so good like her. So I've giving her too much importance. Sometimes it seems like she is so caring to me but sometimes her carelessness about me makes me confused and hurts me. Even, the damn caring attitude of my parents about my feelings hurts me. Everything, above makes me upset. When I try to forget it all, I find that I just concentrate and unknowingly I begin to cry. When my mother saw that she told that I am doing that to bunk my study. So my result is becoming worse which is just unacceptable to me.
Hello Anastella. Thank you for writing back to me. It seems that quite a few things contributed in making you feeling depressed.
Extracurricular activities at your age can be a very good way of socializing and having fun. It can be as important as school but your parents don't seem to understand that. How are you getting on with your teachers? Do you think you could ask them to talk to your parents? What about trying to make a deal with your mother that if you are allowed to take part to extracurricular activities you will try your best to improve your grades? Sometimes parents can make concessions if they think they don't have any other option.
You say that another thing that worries you is your height.But many people that are short are in the lists of famous for their beauty or their intelligence. Just Google it and you will be surprised. It seems to me though that the real problem is not so much your height (you are not abnormally short you are just in the short side, and lots of girls can grow even after they pass their 16th year of age) but your lack of confidence. I suppose being betrayed by a friend in such a young age does not help.
You say also that your best friend sometimes seems to care a lot and sometimes seems careless. You do not say if you care about her. What I mean is that sometimes we feel so unhappy that we are enable to see that other people around us have their problems as well. Then, on the other hand nobody is perfect, nobody can be with us a hundred per sent we have to learn to appreciate what we get and be ready to give back.
Finally, you say that your mother accuses you of wanting to leave your studies. Instead of proving her right by getting worse try your best to do better in your studies. Don't forget that whatever you learn you learn it FOR YOU and not for anybody else.
I hope these few thoughts and suggestions are helpful