Dealing with Depression/Mom of two kids, depressed
I am a 22 yr old mother of two kids (3 and 1) and have been a stay at home mom for 3 years. I lived in Ottawa where I went back to school and hung out with friends. We then moved to the country, there was a park and stores like a little village. Not bad, but my husband was working two jobs and barely home so I started babysitting a 3 yr old. It was great, I was making money, but was always alone so far from family and friends. Then we decided to move in with my husbands mom in another city in the middle of the woods. It was supposed to be temporary, a couple months and then wed all buy a house together closer to Ottawa. We had it all figured out. Until both my husband and his mom lost their jobs due to closure of the company. That put a big wall on our plans. Now my husband might be working in Mirabel, Qc and his mom hasnt even looked for a job yet. We cant buy a house until they worked at the same company for a year, which will start Jan 20 2013. We have been at his moms for 3 months now. And I already feel depressed! We have no space or privacy (our 1 yr old sleeps in our room) and when theyre both at work, im home alone with no place to go and nothing to do. 24 yrs old, with two kids living in his moms house. This is not the life I had planned. I keep feeling like I should be living another life. I keep thinking about if I never wouldve gotten pregnant with my first, I wouldve been living in my own apt (which I never experienced) and working, I couldve done anything. And now Im just sitting at home doing nothing. I was thinking of talking to my husband about getting my own little apt in Ottawa and working while the kids r in daycare, which would mean Id have to change my address and stuff but I dont want to break up with him, just get to experience having my own place for a while. I feel crazy for thinking like this..I mean what husband would agree to that?
I dont know what to do...I cant live like this for another year.
The mind builds a future reality of the life desired based on values, principles, reason, and secret wishes projected through mental imagery. Often, in attempts to manifest that future reality, crossroads appear when realizations pinpoint the failed state of present reality as contrasted with the shortcomings of projected imagery of how life should be.
The young mind builds a framework for itself to achieve that projected life, but often, it does not take into account the big world of life and all that it has to offer. In an urgency to achieve, the young mind makes decisions that do not consider important factors that will affect that projected imagery, many times in ways that surprise and alter the present state of affairs which can cause deep, troubling, questioning and dissatisfaction somewhere down the road. With what little life experiences the young mind possesses, far-reaching decisions are made that one day lead to the realization that some of life’s experiences may have been missed in the rush to get on with life and achieve the projected reality of the way it should be. Unmet needs soon become predominant features in the maturing mind as the realization sets in that present reality does not reflect the way life was imagined. Dissatisfaction becomes the norm rather than the exception and it feeds the need to find fulfilment of the dream. Usually, a spark generates a desire to try a different route when confronting the crossroads of choice.
You witnessed something different in your school experiences while in Ottawa, which may have acted as the catalyst for the processing of current thoughts about branching out on your own. Coupled with the dissatisfaction of present circumstances it may be the sparks that ignite this change of perspectives within. This branching out may very well be one of the missed experiences the young mind overlooked and failed to experience in its proper time frame due to the urgency to make life decisions. Realization, mixed with dissatisfaction about current reality and states of affairs, cause the crossroads to bring the young mind to a more mature state of understanding the same set of variables in a new way. Still, parts of the young mind persist, and these parts hinder the ease of transition into the more mature state. The tangibles of this new realization poses difficulty for the acceptance and continuance of the present state of affairs.
The young mind still wants safety while testing for capability and independence! Independence, once experienced, as such as happened in Ottawa, opens the young mind to other possibilities from those which presently cause dissatisfaction and pinpoint missed experiences, opportunities, and detract from the promise of newly-experienced freedoms. However, the transitional mind wants to maintain safety while branching out in other areas of experience. This need for safety, while still pursuing the life as it was envisioned in the young mind, empathizes the need to make choices at this crossroad of life about future opportunity. This testing and need for safety can also hide deeper aspects of the psyche such as the need to end a restrictive relationship of which the transitional mind finds too painful to confess, so it hides the fact in denial of the obvious. "I don't want to break up with him... I mean, what husband would put up with that?" Yet the obvious discontent and thought patterns point to just that resolute termination. If, at all possible to test while maintaining safety, in case it doesn't work out, you can always return to the way things are now. Safe, and it buys time for the transitional mind to discover viability and confirm theories about life independent of current relationships.
While the transitional mind strives for safety and independence others are put at risk as a by-product of that testing and fulfilling of needs. Your husband would place himself in very high risk if he were to permit that branching out while he also places trust in the denial of that which appears as obvious. You would be leaving him! He could lose his love, his family, his future of the way it should be, if he hasn't already lost some of that in smaller ways. The children would go through an adjustment that may be unwanted by them. There would be repercussions for all involved. Changes would be affected in ways both good and bad. Denial is not an option!
The dissatisfied mind strives for changes that will better circumstances. Often denying the truth of how one feels makes those changes easier to pursue. Dissatisfaction with the inadequacies of a spouse to fulfil the imagined life of a young mind, spawns secret wishes to make changes that may place that envisioned life within grasp again. However, ignoring denial, masks true intentions in a cloak of facts that will eventually prove itself over time. The truth of what you deny today will become the reality of tomorrow. Those feelings of unfulfilled needs, wishes for a better life, one that is more in tune with envisioned imagery, should not be held in denial, but should be faced openly, honestly, within first, before any movement is made. If love has dwindled, or is overshadowed by the unresolved need for fulfilment of an envisioned life, that probability should be brought out of denial and looked at to ensure the transition from young mind to mature mind is made with conviction and certainty.
I suggest, looking at the world from a perspective of not knowing, rather than from a pre-set condition of knowledge. Rather than succumb to present knowledge, which will only limit you further, since what we know is far inferior to what we do not know; look at this from a series of questions, wherein you discover new knowledge without knowing anything certain as a starting point for discovery. This questioning, opens doorways to a greater understanding of self and others, of life, purpose, and pursuit of happiness than any formal knowledge currently held. You may find, by viewing the world as a set of questions rather than from any ascribed subset of current knowledge, the life you envisioned comes within reach. The understanding obtained from carefully elaborated questions broadens the horizon of the way things should be and unites that with the way things are. This constant questioning will open the pathways of a new knowledge that will liberate the soul from the despair of uncertainty about choices that need to be made. Answers to these questions, surprisingly enough, need not necessarily be sought out as the questions themselves carry their own brand of knowing. Write out these questions, ensuring privacy of course so that others do not discover them, and so that you do not travel in circular patterns, asking the same question more than once. Let the questions take you deeper and deeper into the problem and the psyche and pay attention to the knowledge as it unravels itself into a surprising truth. There should exist, only the questioning, which leads to another question, until such a point is reached that the knowledge you seek becomes transparent as glass. In that moment of clarity, ask even more questions, and the knowledge approaches divine inspiration.
If you need further assistance please do not hesitate to contact me at your leisure.
I will provide
for inclusion in your chat program if you need to contact me further and you would prefer chat help rather than endure the slow drawn-out process of e-mail help through
. Just send me an invite through your Messenger Live Chat Client, or whatever chat program you use, and we will be able to work more efficiently at addressing the issues bothering you.
on my blog you can find some information on depression. After you read that we can discuss depression on a deeper level through chat if you would like more help or you can continue to use
. The choice is yours.