Dealing with Depression/Post Christmas Depression
For me, this had to be the worst Christmas I've experienced. When I went home for the holidays, at a family get-together dinner, all my siblings were there. Two of my sisters are married with children, my other sister is dating a divorced father, and I also got to meet my younger brother's new girlfriend. It was after this when my Christmas cheer began to dwindle.
Not helping at all was the family Christmas party. I only stayed for half an hour before I went back to dad's. My aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins were there. Everyone was so happy. Everyone except me. I got a chance to see just how much better everyone in my family has got it and how miserable my situation is compared to theirs. Everyone else has a good full-time job, a nice house to live in, and someone special of the opposite sex. On the other hand, I'm thirty one years old and I only work part-time, I live in a basement suite that often has problems the caretaker has to fix (come to think of it, it's the only apartment in that building that gets visits from him), and I haven't even been out on a date. I'm also the only person in the family who is on social assistance.
Dad was the only person in the family who didn't go to the party. Ever since he and mom split up several years ago, he doesn't want to be anywhere his ex-wife goes. In fact, he's still bitter about the split, so much that he even banned her from coming into the store he owns and manages. Yet even spending the rest of Christmas Eve with him didn't improve my mood.
Whenever I come home from the holidays, I don't visit with the family, I just go somewhere where I can be alone. I hardly spoke to anyone today on Christmas. I didn't even open my presents until long after everyone else had.
I'm even beginning to think I shouldn't even bother coming home at all during any holiday to visit. How can I stand being around people who have things that I want but will probably never have? A full-time job. A house. Someone to share my life with. I'm the only one in the family who has none of those things. But I am the only one who lives on social assistance and who has been labelled "mentally disabled" all because I have Asperger Syndrome.
Frankly it just isn't fair that I've been denied the same things in life that everyone else has. It's not just what I want, it's also what's fair. But more than anything, it's what I feel I deserve. Why me? Why does everyone else have it so good while I have it so rough? Is the world against me or what?
The comparisons you make between yourself and your family initiate your sadness. These comparisons cause you to question the unfairness in life. They instigate your search for understanding reasons why you are not like those to whom you compare yourself, your situation, and your life. These comparisons help you to establish the basis for your sad feelings. They spark the continual internal negative reinforcement that your thoughts generate about the conclusions you reach concerning your situation as compared to that of others. These comparisons help you to accept the erroneous belief that this unfairness in life is personally directed at you.
"Why me", for instance, is a question that posits some harmful agenda. Agenda? By Whom? For what purpose? God? To make you personally suffer? If that were the case no one else in the world would suffer or be sad but you. However, that is not the case. Everyone suffers, feels sad, gets hurt, experiences pain, lives hard lives, some more harder than yours, and some less harder, but everyone suffers. In this respect there is an equality. A shared fairness. Even those to whom you compare yourself suffer. Perhaps they suffer over your situation as much as you? Quite possibly they subscribe to the same erroneous question, "why you", but just don't express it openly. The external things you compare, hides from you the underlying possibilities that exist for these others within their world of sadness. You cannot see their sadness because you are focused on your desire to have what they have while forsaking the insight to see what they really have or have not. You are too focused on dwelling in your own sadness to see the sadness of others that exist around you or close to you. The notions you focus on justifies your sadness but blinds you to the truth that sadness is a choice and not a mandatory requirement within your present scope of things.
"Is the "world against me or what" subscribes further to this erroneous notion which pulls you deeper into the sadness you foster for yourself. This notion negatively affects your ability to experience joy in the midst of family. It pulls you from experiencing other possibilities. Your open sadness, your self-prescribed solitude-seeking separateness, not only may spark your families hidden sadness, but it solidifies the decisions you make about your own inability to experience joy. Your unwillingness to let go of the choice to be sad fixes you in the rigours of those thoughts which you permit to maintain focus in your stream of consciousness. Those thoughts are the root of your sadness. Your sadness is not rooted in your less than perfect situation. Nor is your sadness rooted in the comparisons you make between yourself and others. It is not rooted in what you have or don't have. It is rooted in the thoughts you fixate on! One can live in sad conditions and not be sad! This is where your thoughts blind you.
Fixating on sad thoughts does not make you a bad person. Nor does comparing your life to that of others make you any less able to experience joy than what they appear to based on what they have. It makes you normal! It makes you human. It makes you unaware of the pitfalls of the power of thought. Everyone falls prey to the effects of their own thoughts. Everyone suffers from the fate their own thoughts generate for them. Everyone manifests for themselves thoughts which negatively affects their feelings, beliefs, and actions. Everyone builds sadness for themselves from the thoughts they entertain. It is not a matter of living in sad conditions that cause sadness. It is a matter of skill sets we lack to counteract the tendency to succumb to thoughts that control us, that affect our behaviours and feelings.
Wipe the sad thought. Wipe the comparisons. If those sad thoughts and the comparisons that initiate the sad thoughts do not exist within the mind how is sadness going to develop and grow? When with family, wipe, and experience joy. Make joy the choice rather than sadness. This wiping is the control you have over thought rather than thought having control over you. This wiping is the secret. It is the secret to power in your life. It is the secret to seeing the truth about others, despite what they have or don't have in respect to yourself. Though you live in less than perfect conditions, this does not mean it is a justification for sadness. Don't let sad choices destroy the joy you can make happen.
Forget Asperger's! Forget the diagnosis! Forget the label that attaches itself to you which stigmatizes you as "mentally disabled". We are all children of the universe! We are all susceptible to the rules which govern all things. We are all different! No more! No less! We all have trials and tribulations that we must deal with that are different in many respects to what others deal with. But we all have them. You have a life that is capable of joy in all conditions. You have the power to make choices in what thoughts will dominate your life. Make them wisely and wipe any that deter you from happiness. You have abilities that, though different, they can be utilized to enhance the life you lead no matter the adversity surrounding you. Make a difference with each step you take, so that others who see your strength in the happiness you choose, may find strength and encouragement to make the right choices in their lives as well. Be the light rather than feed the darkness!
Here on my Blog
you can read more on the technique of wiping. There are also visual aids on the thought process to help you understand thought and how the power you give to thought affects the present moment. There are other techniques that I describe to strengthen your center within the scope of reality. What is center? How to center? There is much information that will help you to build a better presence for yourself within the world in which you exist.