Dealing with Depression/Is it Depression or Something Else?
I've been feeling weird these past couple of months. I first began to notice it last semester (I'm a college freshman) when I lost a trivial debate that was only worth 5 points out of 150 on a project. After I lost that, I just sort of zoned out for a while and went to what my college calls "study rooms", a semi-private little room with thin walls and a glass door, and laid my head on the table and cried. Not sobbing, just letting my eyes drip onto the table, I remember wondering how many tears I could collect in a single spot, this went on for about 30 minutes. When I got up, it was sunset and the light from the window tinted everything a light orange, it all came back to me again and I couldn't really hold back and started sobbing. I really shouldn't say this because it's so embarrassing, but at that point, I hid under the table and cried for two hours. I remember I took out my contacts and threw them away at one point because I didn't want to see anyone's faces as I walked down the hall and my face was so red.
A couple weeks went by and I thought nothing more of the incident besides me having a really weird episode.
But recently, there have been these thoughts that keep plaguing me at night and in the morning, I'm having trouble sleeping because I can't make my head shut up. I keep thinking about how, ultimately, life after collage is boring and monotonous, that there was no point to living it because there was nothing there for me. How because life after collage is meaningless, why should I keep going to collage in the first place? It keeps nagging at me, and sometimes I believe it, and just don't get up some days at all. I've spent 20+ hours in bed, not even sleeping, just staring at the ceiling while wondering what I should be doing and why.
I've always been a pretty withdrawn person, I tend to prefer to be by myself because crowds annoy me, they tend to be very noisy.
I've thought that this was simply just laziness form my part, but I really don't know anymore. I've started thinking up entertaining ways to kill myself at night and see very little merit to doing anything at school anymore.
This must have been a dreadful experience for you. Yet, the problem can be solved when we realize that the losing of a debate has really affected you low self-esteem that was there in the first place. If you had a better self-image losing a debate is not a disaster, but just an unpleasant experience from which you might have been able to learn and perform better better next time in a debate.
A low self-esteem is not always what it seems to be: a "psychological'" matter, but could simple be because you could be hypoglycemic. (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2011/what-is-hypoglycemia/
,) This causes the over-production of stress hormones. These form the symptoms of mood disorders over which you would not have conscious control. This unnecessary stress hormones can make you eel, inadequate and cause a low self-esteem, which is necessary if you what to be successful in life and love.
This can be treated by going on a Hypoglycemic Diet (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2011/the-hypoglycemic-diet/
Treatment of a Low Self Esteem
and follow this up with our self-help psychotherapy course at:
Summary of Psychotherapy Course
Let us know how you go?
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist.
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search