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Dealing with Depression/dependent personality disorder


Hi! I've been diagnosed at the age of 39 of having dependent personality disorder. I saw my therapist the other day and she
dropped what felt like a bomb on me. She did tell me that I'm better than I was six months ago..but then she proceeded to tell me that this will take YEARS. Not months, years. I was wondering if you can give me some additional exercises I can do on my own to help the process along and how to deal with anxiety. I realize you can't give me a magical formula either to get better faster...but I Thought maybe some extra stuff to do that has proven to be helpful will encourage me. Thanks

Hi Linda,

A professional diagnoses you with a disorder, and along with that diagnosis comes the stigma which attaches itself to the diagnosis. This further complicates matters. Now you are dealing with two issues rather than just one. Fear and worry grows within your mind over thoughts of having some disorder that will take a very long time to overcome. These thoughts weaken your center rather than strengthen it. The anticipation that these thoughts instils within you is part of the root of your problem to begin with (anticipatory or clingy thought patterns). Now you are being victimized by a profession that exists to defeat mental disorders by solidifying the belief within that you are indeed, broken. The stigma generates its own host of symptoms and they add to the already host of original issues which must also be dealt with. Talk about compounding an issue with more problems than it solves. With this type of psychological approach it is no wonder that their clients take years to overcome issues.

I disagree with the statement that it can take years, months, or any great length to overcome the dependency, or the host of issues involved. Just because it has taken others long periods of time to overcome similar problems does not mean it has to. The length of time it takes to rise above the issues perplexing you is dependent on so many factors. One of those factors involves questioning the ability of the helper themselves. Is the professional defeatist in their own thinking? If their belief is that the issue is a lengthy endeavour to treat and then they pass that taint onto their clients, they are creating their own problems (as well as creating more problems for you) or they are creating their own fortune off the misery of their clients. Length should be left entirely open to the potential of the client to rise above and overcome their issues. "Professional" does not always signify right, or accurate, or trustworthy. To predicate treatment on instilling the belief that it will take you as long as the prophetic months or years only serves to debilitate to you as the client in hope and it instils even more dependency within you for the professional who claims to be able to treat your "disorder".

Despite what anyone tells you, all "disorder" (or rather, aberrant process) is the product of thought. Even if there is physiological element resultant for the particular disorder ( a genetic basis for behavioural issues... not that there is a genetic basis with you but the statement serves to illustrate my point), behind that genetic fault lies the thought which gives power to the behaviours. Thought can be controlled and it does not have to control you. Thought is inevitable but it is not mandatory.

Become aware of the thoughts in your head. Watch carefully the thoughts you have and how you give power to them by permitting them to remain in focus. See how they are able to fester and grow into action, emotion, more thoughts, and eventually full blown "disorder" simply because you let those thoughts remain in your conscious stream. Consider this, if you had no thoughts, where is the disorder? How is the disorder able to manifest behaviours without you giving power over to them to think about the issues?

Wiping thoughts which cause aberrant behaviours is as simple as focusing on the five senses within the body and not letting the mind slip from that focus. The mind will want to form thoughts, opinions, fantasies, and illusions regarding those sensations, and if allowed to do so, by YOU, then those thoughts will fester and grow into full blown delusions. Resist forming judgements about the sensations, and if you do, just return to focusing on the sensations when you become aware that the mind has wandered from the focus. Remain focused on experiencing the senses only as they are happening in the present moment and you have immediately prevented the formation of dependency. You have controlled thought rather than thought controlling you. Watch very carefully the thoughts that come into focus and wipe them from your conscious stream through the bodily senses. If the thoughts cannot form neither can the disorder which grows from the thoughts!

Dependency is the product of the thoughts you entertain about yourself or others. The battleground for overcoming that dependency lies in the mind concerning the thoughts you entertain about yourself or others. Learn to recognise the thought you have and while wiping through the senses keep looking in the world about you for the answer that is always present. Answers come in the form of the simple things happening within the environment about you. A falling leaf, that portrays the independence from the tree it once was a part of, as it drifts through the air on a journey to unknown destinations. The leaf does not worry or fear that unknown. It just remains the leaf, free of the tree, and independent of the ground waiting below. It floats while floating is there. It neither clings to the tree nor does it anticipate the ground. It does  not become dependent on the air either. It simple floats while the air permits it and once the floating is over, it adjusts to life on the ground, until the air once again moves it about. It is quite simply a leaf, and acts accordingly, and where is the disorder in that? The metaphors for learning new schemas is always present, so be on the lookout for the answers that are already here. Wipe! Focus! Pay Attention!

Your center is only weakened, not destroyed! Strengthen your center (center is... your mind and body united in the experience of the moment... free of thoughts, or opinions concerning the experience) and in no time you will feel right as rain!

Dealing with Depression

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Amper Sun


Depression, anxiety, self esteem, guilt, loss, grief, spiritual uncertainty!


Thirty years treating individual, families, at-risk-youth in counselling and psycho-therapy.


Master Practitioner of Counselling and Psychotherapy - M.P.C.P. designation.

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