Dealing with Depression/jelious
a person i know has been spending her vacation in new york city. she's taken pictures all around in manhatten. the clincher was when i saw a picture taken in brooklyn. that's the place i really would like to go more than anywhere. i never once thought she would go there. i feel so envious that it's really got me down. i've been avoiding facebook over fear that i'll see yet another picture that will fill me with jeliousy. i need to find a way to rise above my negative feelings toward her. what would be the best way to cope with it. thanks very much for your time.
I see you are still having trouble controlling the thoughts which give rise to problematic emotions. You contacted me once before regarding a woman who cut you off in her car while you were walking on the street. You seemed perplexed as how to stop the emotions from controlling you. The same information that I supplied you with then still holds true in this situation, so I will reiterate those suggestions here as well.
Pass your hand in front of a mirror. The mirror does not anticipate the hand coming nor does it cling to the image once it has passed. The nature of the mirror is simply to reflect the hand that appears before it. Let your mind be like the mirror. Do not anticipate events to come, nor cling to those that have become a part of past events. Reflect only on what is before you now. Do not allow any image to form in your mind. Only reflect what is happening in the moment. No reaction is allowed to form. It is only when you stop to think about it, then the mind becomes obscured. When walking, walk only. When stopping, stop only. Any thought that attempts to invade this nature of experiencing reality directly, wipe it.
Dust collects on the mirror and it obscures the image present before it. If enough dust collects the image will not reflect at all. Wipe the dust and the mirror is restored to its pristine reflective state. Thoughts are the dust. If thoughts collect in the conscious mind the images before you become obscure (unreality). Reality becomes diffuse with thoughts that form emotions, feelings, and they lead to other thoughts. Soon the thoughts run rampant in the consciousness. If enough thoughts are entertained within the mind you can not see reality at all. The dust has gathered and it hinders the ability to reflect with pristine clarity. Wipe the dust from the mirror and the mind is restored to its pristine state of interacting with reality as it happens now!
The brain interacts with the external world through the senses of sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Through those senses the brain constructs a reality about the environment. The body is firmly rooted in reality: it can never leave reality, while it is the mind that wanders (this wandering is the illusion that the mind has regarding it's "different status from that of the body). The mind foolishly believes that the thoughts it entertains is real and thus it falls into illusionary discourse with fantasy. The mind however can find its way back home to reality through the body and its connection with the five senses. Wiping then, is a process of focusing on the senses, or any one of them, as reality interacts upon them in the present moment. Focusing on the senses as they are happening in real time without forming reactions to what is sensed is wiping the dust from the mirror. If you form an opinion on the sensed object or event thoughts form and this pulls you form the center of experience and this allows aberrant processes to form. When touching a full cup with the palm of the hands: do not think hot, or cold. Just experience the temperature without forming judgements upon the sensation. Then thought can not enter into the equation and control you. Wiping through the body this way permits you to regain power and puts you in control of the thoughts.
There is no right or wrong to any of it. Right and wrong are products of thought and enforce the value system, beliefs, behaviours, and feelings of thoughts. Focus on your present reality and the senses within it, as they are happening. When you become aware that thoughts are forming, wipe! It is a continual process of thought, illusion, and wiping, to bring the mind under control, bridle its interaction that separates it from the body of experience, and see reality as it appears constantly before you. The mind will grow stronger and the things that bother you now will fade into the illusion which they truly are. Strengthen your present reality through the study of the mirror analogy, dust on its surface, and the reflection before it. Remember, you are the master, not the slave!
In particular, with jealousy... that emotion comes from a place of "ownership" and "objectification". These two entities are the product of mind and it's inherent tendencies to attach opinions to the object (this girl) in the form of thoughts centering around "what you think is happening, what should happen, how can she treat you like this (ego), plus other similar thought patterns". Rather see what is really there. This girl went to New York and Manhattan for vacation. That's all! Any more than this and you are not centered. Your mind will pull you so far off course from the moment. You will fantasize about all sorts of false things happening. You will not be able to see what is truly right in front of you. Everything you "need" is right here, right now! Ego will need time to adjust and calm down from the thoughts you permit your mind to entertain. When the ego has "let go" of the initial tantrum of emotions reread this note in that new frame of reference for the insight that a new perspective may likely unfold at that time.
Jealousy is thought entertained in the mind and allowed to grow to bloated proportions. Return to the center of all existence, reality, as it reacts with the body through the senses and then unite the mind with the direct experience of those senses within the body.