Dealing with Depression/Hospital
I'm in my late 30's, married with 3 young children. I've been a stay-at-home Mom for 8 years, during which I realized I don't have any parenting skills, my self-esteem is non-existent and I can't seem to get out of depression. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, hence the lack of parenting skills, or any coping skills, I have ADD, general Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar ll and Borderline Personality Disorder. My oldest has ADHD and Anxiety. Our family life is very stressful, my only support is my amazing husband, but he works long hours and travels for work a lot. We are very isolated and lonely. I've tried different meds, still trying to find a therapist but my depression is not getting better, I am overwhelmed all the time and some days I cry continuously. I've been wondering if I should be staying in hospital to more intensively focus on finding the right meds/treatment but I'm worried about how would that affect us as a family. Would the fact that I stayed in a mental health unit affect our kids in any negative way? Would there be a chance that I won't be let out??? We live in Ontario. Thanks for your time.
You may feel as if you are in a catch 22 situation, damned if you do and damned if you don't. The fear of not getting better causes you to consider hospitalization and medication increases in an attempt to remedy your dismal situation. Yet, the fear that hospitalization generates within you when you ponder the effects on yourself and your family, plus the possibility that you may not get back out if you commit yourself, leaves you bewildered, anxious, and uncertain as to what you should do. Add the fact that the DSMIV diagnosis (ADD, general anxiety, depression, bipolar II, and borderline personality disorder) has stigmatized you with a host of horrible labels guaranteed to reinforce the infirmity and ensure that the belief you are seriously unstable is firmly etched within your mind. Rather than aiding you, the diagnosis has actually enslaved you due to the heavy burden that such labels has promoted within your conscious stream. Despite these negatives, you are still trying to maintain a family while dealing with loneliness, and doing all this under the influence of heavy medications... it comes as no surprise that you are overwhelmed, crying all the time, depressed, and desperate for a solution.
When you look at the complexity of your situation it maybe hard to accept that the solution can be actually quite simple, without the use of medications, without the need for hospitalization, without risking your freedom, or without jeopardizing the self-esteem of you or your family.
It doesn't matter how complex the host of symptoms may be, or how great their number, the root of all aberration is quite simply, thought and the power you give it.
All thought can be reduced in simplest terms as being either, normal or abnormal in nature. This is true of all thought no matter how complex the idea. However, if you deliberate on where your mind fits within this spectrum of duality between normal or abnormal, then chances are that thought, in general, is subtly at work initiating some form of mental and emotional aberration for your conscious stream to dwell in. In the meantime reality passes you bye as you begin to dwell in non-existent formulations of fantasy. You won't even be aware that this is what is happening. Thoughts are very impalpable that way. They slip by our consciousness of them and when they produce a negative effect we are often left bewildered as to the cause of the problem. The moment you read that about thought being normal or abnormal in nature you may have passed a judgement based on the content of what you just read. You may not have even been aware you made that judgement. Hindsight may reveal that to be the case. For instance, perhaps you were making a mental assumption that most of your thoughts were abnormal and basing that assessment on your present condition and state of mind. Whether or not that judgement is true is not important. What is important to note is that one judgemental thought leads to another judgemental thought, then another, soon the mind is filled with these judgements or thoughts. This is the root of all aberrant processes. There is no room left for anything else but the thoughts which are generated by the type of judgements you make out of any content. These thoughts then produce some effect on behaviours, world view, emotions, and state of mind. These thoughts will lead you to a certain place mentally, emotionally, and physically, depending on the type of thought content you entertain. Often the effect is negative in nature and it can have devastating repercussions on our health. The mental spiralling that so typical with any aberration, begins the moment you start forming thoughts and then permitting them to blossom into full-blown fantasies (non-existent mental formulations) which are created from the specific type of thought you allow to remain in your conscious stream.
Becoming aware of the thoughts you permit to remain in your conscious stream is the first step in obliterating their power and hold over you. Listen carefully to the chatter within. "My self-esteem is non-existent", "my depression is not getting any better", "I am overwhelmed", "I am lonely". These thoughts reinforce and preserve the condition you so desperately seek a solution for. Pay attention to the judgements and deliberations you make on a moment to moment basis. Watch as you make like or dislike statements about the events in your life, and see how they affect your behaviours and decision-making process. Notice how these internalizations leak out into your real environment and wreak havoc with your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual states.
Once you begin to develop an awareness of the thoughts you permit to remain in your conscious stream, the next step is to "wipe" them. Wiping is a process of focusing on reality to prevent thoughts from forming or remaining in awareness. The body and mind are united in the moment of reality, but they may not be equally grounded in reality. The body is fixed in the moment and can never leave it no matter how much that may be desired at times. The body stays rooted in reality regardless of attempts to alter that fact. The mind however, has the notion that it can wander and so it creates fantasies for itself and it dwells in them continuously. This separation is what permits aberrant processes to settle in nicely to create havoc with the self. If there is no thought there can be no disorder! Using this knowledge of how the body remains rooted in the moment to our advantage becomes our saving grace of how to unite the mind and body in reality and wiping the problematic thoughts which is the root cause of all aberrant formulations.
The mind takes in information about the environment through the senses within the body. Sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch are the main senses. There are many more but these will suffice to deliver anyone from the ravages of aberrant processes. What the body senses, the mind takes in but once that transaction happens the mind begins to form opinions of like and dislike, hot or cold, happy or sad, the list is endless. This is where the separation happens and it is the part we need to obliterate from happening. We need to unite the mind and body within the moment of reality, as it is happening, free of all formulations of thought that distract the mind from experiencing in harmony with the body. When the mind begins to wander from the experience, bring the mind back under control by focusing on the senses within the body. Do not permit thoughts to form, wipe like or dislike, hot or cold, or if they do form then wipe them when you first become aware of their formulation. Bring the mind back into harmony with the senses within the body. It is through the body that the mind can find its way home to reality. This continual practice of control, unification between body and mind, wiping the thoughts that form, are the solution, as simple as that sounds, to all aberrant processes.
Pass your hand in front of a mirror. The mirror does not anticipate the hand coming nor does it cling to the image of the hand once it is passed. The mirror simply reflects what is there without passing judgement on what it "sees". Let your mind be like the mirror, neither anticipating the future nor clinging to passed events. Just experience what is here right now without forming judgements on anything.
When dust collects on the mirror the image before it gets obscured. If enough dust collects the image will no longer be discernible at all. Wipe the dust and the mirror is restored to its pristine state of clarity and all reflections become clear. When thoughts collect, wipe them like you wipe dust from the mirror. In this way, no thoughts collect to obscure your view of reality and you will be able to see with utmost clarity. No dust, no problems! Keep wiping the thoughts which hold you bondage to the aberration you so desperately seek to overcome. Wiping in this way obliterates the fantasies that form within our mind and permits us to see reality with clarity and purpose.
When we look at the complex, it is hard to accept the simple. Thought and the power you give it is the root of all aberrant processes. Control the thought, don't let the thought control you.
In the moment of awareness, reality loses its triviality and shines through exposing its true nature! Take to heart what I have written here. It will deliver you through all trials and tribulations. Without medications, without hospitalization, without fear of losing self-esteem or freedom. Feel free to contact me and here
on my website you can get more information on depression and the techniques I briefly describe in this communication.