Dealing with Depression/OCD or else?


QUESTION: i m a 28 year old male, married, 1 kid 1.5 year old daughter.. i was diagnosed with OcD 2 years back. unwanted thoughts of incest with my daughter, mom, sisters, sexual thoughts giving yuck feeling r my chief complaint. despite that i dont have any wish to act on these thoughts still they keep on coming again and again. my heart keep on trembling whole day. i m feared that what if i start acting on these henious unwanted thoughts.i feel anxiety whole day. recently i had a very strange thought pattern that if my family dies then i will be free from work burden. i will sleep whole day without any restriction,.. i feel extreme guilt that i wished death of my whole family. I LOVE THEM N NEVER WISH ANY PAIN TO THEM> i feel that GOD is angry with me and i will be destroyed... i took SSRI for 7 months. but no benefit. then 2nd psychiatrist medicines for 2 montha. no benefit. then 3rd medicine for 1 month no benefit. now i took 5 sessions of hypnotherapy completed last week. no benefit with HYPNOTHERAPY n HOMEOPATHY. please help me some how. i have spent all my savings in HYPNOTHERAPY treatment. please help me somehow. i m in extreme pain. please tell me what is the chance of me getting alright. thanks in advance. noone in my family knows about my disease.

ANSWER: Hi Sanjeev,

If you are having sexual thoughts about your 1.5 year old daughter, and are in denial that you would act on those impulses while doubting you have the strength to resist that specific act, tells me that your daughter and you are in danger. My recommendation is that you seek direct, one to one, therapy immediately to specifically address those sexual concerns.

Due to the severity of concern for the safety of your daughter, her age (any sexual act perpetrated on her would be an act of rape and paedophilia, and would have very severe consequences), coupled with your unrestricted access to her, puts your daughter at a very high risk of being abused. The fact you keep this secret from your family causes me to question weather you have addressed these sexual fantasies with your previous therapist, or psychiatrist even? Keeping these sexual urges a secret does not procure safety for those females within your environment, and it does not provide a means to address these serious psychological concerns for you. You need to get these fantasies out in the open through professional counselling where you can begin to seriously address the root cause of these persistent fantasies.

Your pattern of thought dysfunction consists of fantasizing about sexual acts with family members, which includes your own daughter. This generates feelings of guilt over the joy you get from the fantasy. Fear springs from that guilt, whereby you begin to wonder if God is angry with you, and therefore will punish you. This in turn puts you in an anxious state due to the continued resurfacing of this pattern within your daily realm.

This pattern is maintained by the thoughts you permit to remain in focus. If you dwell on the fantasy, constantly feeding it with attention, then it will persist and grow to bloated proportions. Wipe the thoughts and they can not harm you or those around you.

Here on my blog you can find some information on how to deal with this pattern of psychological dysfunction in thought patterns. This will help you to understand the process better, however, you should definitely seek immediate therapy to help you deal with these serious concerns.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: dear advisor

i dont fantasise about incest. I get HATE kind of feeling even with thoughts of incest. I told all my therapist about this. They told me its a kind of OCD. I never feel of acting on these thoughts. I LOVE my daughter more than anything else. She is absolutely safe with me. I told you i hate been diagnosed with OCD. Consulted this free site because i didnt have more finances to meet the expenditure of malpracticing psychiatrists. But free services lack quality i have realised now. Better you get some more knowledge of subject because your lack of knowledge can make anybody COMMIT SUICIDE. Thanks for your kind concern. I didnt tell my family about my depression and OCD because they will be shattered to see me to see me suffering from a mental disease.

ANSWER: Hi Sanjeev,

You wrote " i m feared that what if i start acting on these henious unwanted thoughts". Does that statement not reflect what I wrote in response, "If you are having sexual thoughts about your 1.5 year old daughter, and are in denial that you would act on those impulses while doubting you have the strength to resist that specific act , tells me that your daughter and you are in danger." You claimed in that statement that you are afraid that you could act on that impulse! If you have fears like that, it shows me that you have self-doubt about the concern, and self doubt spells danger for you and your daughter. Where in that milieu was I in error?

You wrote, "unwanted thoughts of incest with my daughter, mom, sisters," and now you write this, "i dont fantasise about incest." What is it, thoughts are not fantasies? Or you don't think about incest? This contradiction of unwanted thoughts and bold denial that you do not fantasize happens in less than three paragraphs. This solidifies my claim that you are in denial of the severity of the danger you put yourself and your daughter in, due to the inability you demonstrate to grasp the significance of the denial in light of the facts.

You wrote "Consulted this free site because i didnt have more finances to meet the expenditure of malpracticing psychiatrists" (such disdain exhibited for professionals trying to help you while you offer no proof to back your claim of incompetence by those professionals. Failure for you to meet with progress does not translate into incompetence by the psychiatrist. Often any lack in progress has a direct correlation to the resistance to change exhibited by the client, anger and contempt being two components of that resistance. If the helper is incompetent, by your standards, then you do not have to change! By "malpractice" I assume you mean that they didn't please you with their answers either, and hence they fall under your carousel of contempt as have free site helpers, like myself? The emotions that my responses stirred within you obviously triggered the anger that now feeds your contempt for free site helpers? What did the psychiatrist say that triggered your contempt for that service?)

Also you wrote, "but free services lack quality i have realised now." "Free service lack quality", I assume you mean "mal-practicing" free services, like the psychiatrists you have seen who were unable to help you and therefore are guilty of malpractice as a result? Quality is not a measure of how much answers please you, but how accurate those assessments are! Quality in the realm of mental aberration is often defined, not in the state of clear thought, but often in the flux of disorderly internal processes. How clear is the vision that you can walk so angrily in your presumptions?

You feel threatened by the responses of your helpers, and therefore, lash out in anger as part of your defence mechanisms to remain in denial of the seriousness of the thoughts you harbour concerning incest. If this is your response to the impressions that your claims within your story and subsequent denials manifest within your helpers then it is no wonder that progress has been slow. The anger and contempt you levy at me and your other helpers only serves to distance you from the help you desperately need.

OCD, lack of knowledge, resistance, denial, contradiction, anger and verbal abuse directed towards helpers.. regardless what you think about free services and the quality associated with that, you should seek immediate one to one therapy to address, the incestuous thoughts, and the dangers that poses for you and others, the anger and contempt that preserves you in your slow progression, and the denial you feel necessary to protect the claims within your story thereby solidifying your homoeostasis.

I am sorry I could not be of any help to you but I do wish you the best in your search to overcome the concerns that have made you fearful and unhappy.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: look dear advisor,
you are not the first person with whom i m seeking a treatment. I have consulted 3 psychiatrists with full payment. But none of them did any CBT. Why? Why just medicines and those too from their own practice. NO option for me to purchase them at cheaper rates from chemists. That is malpractice. I was given hypnotherapy with full assurance. But now when i searched net then found that E n RP Is the right treatment for unwanted thoughts. I found several blogs and articles which tell that These unwanted thoughts of incest etc are generated by mind suffering from anxiety disorder to create more and more anxiety.

I never said that i wish to act on those thoughts. I repeatedly said i dont have any wish to act on them. I feel henious and yuck even on thinking them. This is my problem. You compared me to a pedophile. Had i been a pedophile then i would have felt joy in such thinking. But feel like to CRY OUT LOUDLY when these thoughts keep on coming continuously.  i defer to even take my daughter in my lap so much uncomfortable i m with these thoughts. Had i been a danger i would have done that harm by now. These thoughts are 2 years old . I m ready to go away from home. I dont have any interest in playing with kids. Had i been a pedophile i would have been a person who always try to mingle with small kids. Its not like that. Never. I know i m ill. Your insensitivity towards my suffering triggered this anger. I m not a pedophi i hope you must be having knowledge of difference between POCD And PEDOPHILE. All my symptoms match POCD But i didnt find even a single thing common with a Pedophile. I tried to consult you people to get some mental relied from a shoulder to cry.

The person who is suffering knows the agony. I feel unwanted thoughts sexual thoughts while praying to GOD in temple. That too with GOD IDOLS. Do you think i have sexual fantasies with GOD IDOLS also? These thoughts come like a tearing to me. I feel like they are teasing me that STOP IF YOU CAN. Whole day i keep on thinking that i m BAD. Whole day i keep on assuring myself that these are thoughts only. Now you have created one more doubt in my mind. I m confident enough that i cant do such henious acts. I just want freedom from these unwanted thoughts.   had i been willing to act on these thoughts i would be happy t
o sleep on same bed with my daughter. But its not so. I keep my whee bed in between our bed so that i dont touch body of my daughter even accidently.  even while holding her i make pure that i hold her delicately with full consciousness of not touching any of her private parts. I m sorry for my anger. W . You labelled me like i m a pedophile. Thanks again for reply.

Hi Sanjeev,

You wrote, "You compared me to a pedophile." Your interpretation of my statement, "(any sexual act perpetrated on her would be an act of rape and paedophilia, and would have very severe consequences)". The dictionary description of paedophilia is;

paedophilia () or pedophilia

1.  (Psychiatry) the condition of being sexually attracted to children

That description should emphasize, "child" rather than "children". Does the term not apply to someone who "perpetrates" against a single child as opposed to more than one? Actually, the definition should correctly be defined as "acting on one's sexual attraction to a child" since many people may be sexually attracted to a child and yet, not be a paedophile. If the dictionary definition were a rule of law many people would be guilty just by the thoughts that enter their conscious stream.

Rephrasing my statement, "(any sexual act perpetrated on her would be an act of rape and "acting on a sexual attraction for a child", and would have very severe consequences)". Even rephrased, the statement does not translate into a comparison, rather it is a warning! Sexual attraction to a child in itself is not criminal, but "acting" on that attraction is! Just like having incestuous thoughts does not make you guilty of incest! Or like having thoughts of killing someone does not make you a murderer. To put a finger on the pulse of the matter I feel it is necessary to cause that warning to permeate your subconscious to iterate the seriousness of that particular attraction within the realm of incestuous thoughts surrounding your internal conflict.

That you assume a comparison is being made is faulty logic and the anger it stirs within you blinds you to the accurateness of meanings within phrases. This can have a detrimental effect on the outcome of associations within your cognitive realm. This anger does not stem from my insensitivity but from the erroneous assumption that is generated from "ego". Ego, "I think! Therefore I am!" The "I" in that infamous declaration is pure ego! Ego says, "he called me a paedophile!" Ego retaliates, gets angry, defends itself against the onslaught of injurious attacks on the self, ego begins to write. When in fact, no comparison has been made, except by the ego that is affected by the erroneous assumption. This assumption by ego that a comparison is made between the self and paedophilia is an area of concern for me as a psychotherapist for the proneness to errors that is demonstrated by the identification that ego makes with that term! Is the anger a fašade for fear?

Feeling "yuck" over the thoughts of incest, or deriving no joy in the attraction, does not eliminate anything. Often internal dysfunction is intimate with the feeling of "yuck" over what resides within the mind. What is in the mind is safe. What emanates from the mind into action is not. The results are dependant on the type of thoughts acted upon!

You wrote, "But now when i searched net then found that E n RP Is the right treatment for unwanted thoughts." Did you even visit the link  I gave you to read the information I provide that deals with "thought"? The whole thrust of my work is based on thought, "thought and the power you give it is the root of all aberration"! On my site I provide diagrams which charts the progression of thought. The diagrams show clearly how thought differentiates from a central point in either a positive or a negative direction that affect a clients present moment of reality formulation. I provide techniques to help center thought around a flat line of experience wherein the disorder that is associated with thought differentiation gets wiped! Perhaps before degrading the help offered freely to you, it would be best to read through the material first. Learn from the material how to conquer ego, control thought, rather than letting thoughts control you. By doing at least that much, you may be able to make a more informed decision about what treatment is best for what problem. A little knowledge, as they say, is a dangerous thing!

One parting point of contention for you to consider. "How do you know the prayers you made to God for help, are not packaged as conflict generated to draw you out of anger and contempt, to teach you truth and heal you from the thought that controls you?"
Does not the lotus, blossom out of mud? Does not the gleaming blade, emerge from a hammering process? How are you different from these? Out of suffering emerges the greatest of Gods miracles. When God speaks, do we always hear the gentle whisper hidden in the the swirling winds of a hurricane?

Dealing with Depression

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Amper Sun


Depression, anxiety, self esteem, guilt, loss, grief, spiritual uncertainty!


Thirty years treating individual, families, at-risk-youth in counselling and psycho-therapy.


Master Practitioner of Counselling and Psychotherapy - M.P.C.P. designation.

©2017 All rights reserved.