Dealing with Depression/ocd with depression n guilt of past life
QUESTION: Hello. I m a 29 year old male from india diagnosed with ocd n depression 2 years back n being treated for the same. But no benefit. I took medicines first for 7 months. No benefit. Then hypnotherapy. No benefit. Now again medicines fir past 5 months with mood elevators. But no benefit. I experience unwanted thoughts of sex with family members, death of family members etc intruding my mind while i dont eish to act on them. They r terribly real. Like that i really wish to act on them. But when i think them intentionally i hate those acts n will never act on them. I m doing self EXPOSURE N RESPONSE PREVENTION therapy after some guidance. But the thoughts r increasing day by day. I m married n feeling impotency because of this mental condition. Even viagra doesnt act now. When i was a kid of 10-15 years i felt impulses of doing naughty things. I did them once .never repeated but did once to experiment. Those impulses used to pop up like they r popping up now a days. Like fondling genitals of my mom,sisters, n a kid 1.5 yaers old who were sleeping with me in same room. I watched sex scene in english movie which popped in my mind when i went to sleep n did that fondling in a curiosity of HOW IT FEELS. THose were 15 years back. I never wished to repeat. For last 4 years i was feeling guilt of those acts continuously n was diagnosed with ocd n depression. I have left my work .unemployed now. Keep on fighting with all these thoughts. Keep on blaming myself for my condition. Keep on remaining sad n tearful in guilt of these real seeming thoughts. Unable to commit suicide because of love of family.. Please help me. Please guide me. Thanks"
ANSWER: Hi sanjeev,
Things are never simple and there is no simple solution to your issues. While you have guilt and shame over your past experiences when you were between the ages of 10 and 15, those experiences are not really the issue. I say that because you don’t get those feelings and urges from nowhere. The fact that they even include a 1 and a half year old child should tell you there is more to this than meets the eye. You need to look at who, what, where, when why and how you were abused as a child, that then manifested itself to what you did to others.
You need to challenge the VOICES in your head that are feeding you these ideas and keep asking questions until you get an answer that “feels” right, and gives you insight into your issues. You can also begin to write your thoughts, feelings and emotions in a journal as that too will begin to give you insight into what is really going on. You can also ask your family members if you were abused as a child, or if you were put in the hands of relatives or friends for any periods of time. Another thing is that you can meditate to find what you don’t remember and help you heal your issues. Here is a link to my website http://shenreed.com/index.html
and the free eBooks that you can download that will help you help yourself.
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QUESTION: Thanks sir. I thought deeply. Found few things...
When i was 5 ,i was playing doctor doctor with my younger sister. We were fondling nipples of each other. My mom saw us n threatened us very badly n thrashed.
When i was 7 i was trying to touch private parts of a doll. My mom saw me n threatened of dire consequences. I kept on hiding here n there whole day.
When we were kids around 8-10 years my mom used to sleep topless with me in summers due to hot atmosphere. I used to play n enjoy nipples.
All i could remember. No remebrance of somebody molesting me. Pleade help ow. Thanks
Your mother has a hypocritical double standard. It was OK for you to play with HER nipples when you were 10 years old, but NOT OK for you to play with your sister when you were five and innocent. The fact that she chastised you is enough to imprint and program you…
If you read my books 1 and 2, you will find how YOU can heal YOUR issues. You might want to read the section on fragmentation in book 2… This is not something that I can do for you as it is way too involved and complicated and will also take time to uncover the root cause and then to heal it..