Dealing with Depression/Dating someone dealing with depression
Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 20 months, when we first started dating he told me he had been suffering from depression throughout his teenage and adult life and was very honest about trying to commit suicide in the past. The whole time we have been dating he has never had any issues... until now. A few weeks ago I moved in with him in to his house, since I have moved things just haven't been the same, he has been distance, snapping at me and just generally being hard to live with. I have asked him if it's me moving in that has made him feel this way and he said no he feels depressed and like he doesn't want to live any more. I have now moved back in with my parents temporarily to give us both some space, but I'm scared of what he could do. His behaviour has become unpredictable and I'm not sure if it's the depression or something else. I have tried to suggest counselling medicated and he immediately dismisses it saying it doesn't work. I understand this page is about depression and not relationships but I'm asking if you have any advice for me on how to deal with this situation because I have no idea how to come with this.
Depression and relationships are always linked in some form or another. While you were just ďdatingĒ he felt safe in his little world (his home) as it was his retreat from the outside world where no one could see or hear him, and he didnít have to deal with anything that was coming up with anyone other than himself. When you moved in, that ILLUSION of peace and safety was SHATTERED, and no matter what you say or do; things will never be the same as now you KNOW his little secret and he THINKS that the relationship is over as he canít pretend anymore.
He knows that if you were to move in, he would be triggered again and he feels that you donít love him since you had to move out. He also feels that he doesnít love you because he now sees you as the SOURCE of his depression, hence his withdrawal and distancing himself. He is depressed because his game was exposed and his illusion shattered when he was faced with his deepest fears, that of commitment, abandonment and change.
Before you try to have a chat with him about beginning to heal his issues, you may want to download my free ebooks from my website at http://shenreed.com/index.html
. I suggest you begin with book two and read any sections that appeal to you and then go from there. Know that you canít HEAL him, you can only help him heal himself. Also know that this is an opportunity for you to heal any issues you may have that this relationship is bringing up, as any healing and relationship is never only about one person.