Dealing with Depression/On & Off.
Lately I have been dealing with a lot of sadness and feeling depressed. I find myself crying a lot and wanting to hurt myself. I never get to that point but I have hit my head. I know it sounds disturbing but I went through so much in my life and people are amazed how how much I have accomplished. A lot of great things have happened to me and I am a successful woman who is 29 being on a cover of a magazine, accepted to be on the young professional board for an organization that is a part of the NYU. I am excellent at my job but therefore it is just a step and doesnt pay well.
I know why I am depressed...I lack experiences, friends who care and I deal with a lot of lonliness. I need fun and more experiences but I lack that and I find myself feeling sad. I also attend to isolate myself. There are things that I hope to experience before I turn 30 that most people have experienced years before...it is really sad.
From reading your email, I get the feeling that you are two people living in separate worlds. One is the PRESENTATION face you put on when you ACT like you think others want you to act, and also what you THINK is the meaning of life, public success, fame, doing a good job, etc., etc. You are TRYING to be PERFECT, to live the ILLUSION, and that is a foolís game. And then there is the REAL you that is afraid to show your true self as you are afraid that others will not like what they see or hear.
Itís the ACTING that is the problem as any people that could be real friends can also see and feel that you are a phony and want nothing to do with you, in the same way that you withdraw and isolate yourself from the ACTING you. Now this dual persona didnít just happen, it developed over years and goes back to your childhood. One way to begin to identify the real problems behind your depression is to write down what you are feeling and any past experiences it brings up. While you are doing this, it is also important to acknowledge and release any feelings and emotions that surface as this is what will release the trapped energy that is in part, creating your reality.
If you are interested in healing and empowering yourself, you may want to download my free ebooks from my website at http://shenreed.com/index.html
You may want to begin with book two and read any sections that appeal to you. Life isnít about making other people happy, itís about being happy with what you are experiencing and want to experience. Once you let go of the old imprints, programs and beliefs of how life should be, you will be free to enjoy the life you desire..