You are here:

Dealing with Depression/Fiance's Anxiety and Depression?

Advertisement


Question
Okay, I'm 22, and I am a dance teacher. My fiance, Robert, is 25. He is from Sweden and he moved here with his parents when he was 18. We met at college my first year there and immediately hit it off and started dating. We moved in together when I was 20 and we got engaged about 3 months ago, and I couldn't be more excited to marry my best friend. He is sweet and understanding and he always makes me laugh, but he has a lot of problems with anxiety and depression. He is a graphic designer, so he works from home a lot. Sometimes, he is just fine, and he likes to go out with our friends and have dinner and be social, but he'll have these days where he doesn't want to leave the house because he is so depressed and so anxious. It usually lasts about a week where he'll sort of hibernate and he won't go anywhere. He'll work only from home, and he'll stay up after I go to bed for hours playing video games or watching tv because he has some problems with insomnia when he's depressed.

He has tried a lot of different medications, but he says he doesn't like how they make him feel. He goes to counseling, but it doesn't seem to help him. I don't know what to do for him. My family isn't very understanding about mental illness and they think he's just lazy and that I shouldn't marry him because of his problems, but he isn't lazy at all. He works really hard and makes decent money and unless he's feeling depressed or anxious, we go to the gym together almost every day, and we do the fun things together. We go out to eat and go to the movies and go to the zoo or six flags or something fun on our days off. He isn't what they think he is. But I don't know how to help him. It breaks my heart when he gets into these ruts where he doesn't want to leave the house out of fear and depression. I don't know what to do for him. I just want him to be happy. What can I do? I feel helpless.

Answer
Love him for what he is and stop trying to help/change him. These times when he's extra blue, be there for him but give him space. Think of it not as a disease but as ...his time of the month...then it's alot easier to deal with.
As long as these episodes don't last more than a few days at a time and he doesn't get to be self harming or suicidal, just love him as he is.

Dealing with Depression

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Johnny St. Tai

Expertise

It is okay to feel down and out once every so often, as long as you know to reach out for the hands that will pull you back up. I can answer questions about self esteem improvement, relationship with others, depression, and sexuality. I will/cannot give medical advice without an actual examination of the person and his/her medical history, so for those issues, best to find a local specialist/doctor to be safe.

Experience

Ten years of professional and volunteer counseling, and volunteering for the Crisis Center. Born of a conflict-laiden family, I've walked through violance, addiction, abuse, and more. I survived, scarred but still strong, and I will do my best to help others do the same.

Organizations
Richmond Chimo Crisis Center

Education/Credentials
Interpersonal/Social Relation Specialist, University of British Colombia Socialwork, 2005.

Past/Present Clients
over 500.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.