Dealing with Depression/do i need help?

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Question
Am I crazy? I feel empty and worthless I feel that darkness is eating me up, whenever I'm like this I can't help but think about cutting myself I want to see something bleed, I want to feel pain, I want to hurt, I keep seeing this image of myself stabbing an eye, digging throw my chest down to my heart, I want to bleach everything out, paint it black, I want to take my eyes out, reach deep in my throat and grab my breath. I feel scared, lost, empty, very hollow and lonely. I never want anyone to find out how much of a freak I am, I feel sick, sick of everything, I just want to fly. I'm not a violent person so I don't think I would go as far as doing any of that, but still what if I snapped? The road to madness is very easy after all, very easy indeed. What should I do? Must I tell someone? In my poems; they're always dark about bloodshed and suffering, those who read some, say its dark and scary. Will this fade? Will I lose my sanity? Is this depression? Or madness?

Answer
Hi Ai,

I am sorry to hear how down you are.  Depression can cause all of that negative thinking.
The more you think negatively, the worse it will get without help.

You do need to see a doctor to be assessed.
Also, look at your family background.  Are their others suffering from depression and also anxiety? Your parents; siblings, grandparents, aunts or uncles?   If so, your depression may be
genetic.  So do go get help.

Meanwhile, there are over the counter items that may help.  Look the following up on the web and also let your doctor know what you are taking.

St. John's wort;  5 htp; if you have trouble sleeping try Melatonin;
and go to a health food store and ask the clerk what is popular for people with depression.

Also there is an oldie but goodie book: Power of positive thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

The negative things you think about doing will not help you at all.  Go see a doctor about your depression.  I think that that is the root of your problem.

Take care,

Dr. Pat

Dealing with Depression

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Patricia A. Schafer, Ph.D.

Expertise

I received my Ph.D. from Kent State,in Ohio in Counseling.I specialize in various forms of depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and forms of addictions such as substance abuse,eating disorders and gambling. My licenses are: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor -Supervisor(LPCC-S) and Licensed Professional Chemical Dependency Counselor (LICDC) My experience includes counseling substance abusers, families of alcoholics/drug addictions, and codependency issues. I also specialize in social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues; grief and adjustments to life changes. Some therapeutic techniques used are: CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behaviorial Therapy)REBT (Rational Emotive), SFT (Solution Focused) and 12-Step, etc. If you live in the Cleveland area, you can contact me at my office for an appointment at: 440-349-4521. I accept insurance and EAP programs.

Experience

Twelve years experience as a professional clinical counselor; 30 years member of Al-Anon.

Organizations
ACA, OCA, OMHCA, NBCC

Publications
Experiences of prejudice among individuals in African American and Caucasian Interracial Marriages: A Q-methodological Study (Doctoral Dissertation - December 2008; Wilsnack and Beckman's book: Alcohol Problems in Women (1984). Alcohol use and marital violence: Female and Male Differences in reactions to alcohol(pages 260-279.

Education/Credentials
Ph.D. in Counseling - Kent State MS in Counseling - John Carroll University BS in Psychology - University of Pittsburgh

Awards and Honors
Previous president of NCOCA (North Central Ohio Counseling Association); previous president of Chi Sigma Iota. Two years VISTA volunteer on Navajo reservation in Inscription House and Shonto.

Past/Present Clients
confidential

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