Dealing with Depression/Depression and Fear
I am a 26 year old woman from India. I am currently unemployed but trying to complete my post-graduation after which I intend to pursue a phd. For the past several years or so I am feeling a bit depressed. I am finding it difficult to concentrate on my studies and as a result I have been failing my exams for 4 years in a row now. One of the things that I am dealing with is an addiction to sex. I surf the internet for pornography and I find that consuming erotic content keeps my depression at bay. I have been particularly attracted to bdsm and specifically pain. A few of the relationships I have had failed because I couldnít get my partner to agree to inflict pain on me and I feel sexually very frustrated because of this.
I have been trying to come out of this depression by joining a gym and just trying to do things differently. But in recent months a sort of fear has attached itself to me. I am not a religious person and I am sure it is totally irrational but for some reason it's not gone away. This fear only occurs when I am sleeping. Sometimes I open my eyes and find that I canít move. I feel a sort of shadow and a dark evil presence lurking just to my side. I fear that I am going to be raped and it is terrifying as I have no control over my body whatsoever. So I have been finding it hard to sleep and have been plagued by these extreme fear inducing episodes. Usually I am too scared to go to sleep in the night and am awake till dawn before I go to bed. Is this a sign of extreme depression? I am otherwise a normal person. I donít feel suicidal or anything.
No I do not believe that is a sign of extreme depression- however, I would encourage you to dig deeper into that fear. Rather than trying to avoid it- you know it's not real...you know you're not getting raped...you must face it down. Maybe some self defense courses would be helpful here to build confident- if you aren't afraid of real rapes because you can handle yourself, you won't fear imaginaty ones.
Before you go to bed, think of what you'll do when you wake up with that fear, and how you'll deal with it- keep that firmly in mind and in a short while you won't have this issue anymore.