About Kimberly Expertise Hi, I have suffered through years of depression and the many disorders that
come with it. It is a very scary experience and hard at times to get through
the day. But I have now gotten to the other side of the pain and found hope
and courage and life. I want to be a person you can feel comfortable talking
to, and in talking with me that you can feel at ease knowing that I have
been there and I do understand. I want to be a friend and listen and I will
do my very best to ease the feelings you feel and help you in your journey
to a better happier life. You are not alone and I would love to be there to
help you fight.
Experience My greatest accomplishment is knowing that I have been there and today, I'm here to help others in their healing. The biggest accomplishment lies in those who write for help in so doing they are taking a huge step in their healing!
I am currently a student in Psychology, and have been certified in Crisis prevention since 2001.
Question Hey,
I’m 18 and may or may not have depression (the alternative is that I’m a pathetic whinger, which is highly likely). I saw a psychologist a while ago, and she was completely useless. She actually admitted that she hadn’t done anything for me.
The problem is: I need something to distract me from how I’m feeling on a minute to minute basis.
Over the last few months, school was that major distraction – it was still hard to do things there, but the variety was useful. Also, I’m more nervous around people, which basically clears my mind of all other thoughts and feelings... which was, in a way, helpful (despite how much I didn’t want to be around people).
However, I graduated from high school a couple of weeks ago. I don't want to go out or see friends (some sort of social anxiety thing). While I have plenty of things I could do now that I’m on holidays, I have almost no desire to do them. I used to enjoy playing a particular computer game, but even that seems too draining. So instead, I end up checking a couple of forums at least once an hour when there’s nothing to distract me, just hoping that someone will say something interesting that I can read for a while, but that isn’t too involved. I’ve tried to help others on advice forums, but I get triggered by things that they’ve been through, or just because I have no useful advice to give. I don’t want to be sitting around hoping for others to post things (it sounds pathetic, for a start!) but there’s just nothing else I can get myself to do. Nothing seems worth the effort, really.
I just want to know how I’m supposed to cope with this: the mood swings between sad and angry every couple of minutes, all the thoughts about hurting myself (every minute if there’s no distraction)… I want to, yet I don’t. It’s so tempting to try to knock myself out for a while… but I can’t because I’m too weak to do it. I dunno… *sigh*
Compared to what other people have to deal with, this is nothing – really, I should be putting up with it on my own. Sorry for wasting your time with this rubbish, and thanks for reading.
Answer Ellie,
You aren't pathetic, and these feelings and thoughts you are having are part of a disease and not you wanting to be a burden. Nobody wants to be sad all the time.
Unfortunately it isn't uncommon to have a psychologist who is unable to help you. There are many reasons why that therapist was unable to help. Please don't let that bad experience completely deter you from therapy. Contact your local YWCA for counselors. If you have insurance you can look for therapists through your insurance website. Also psychologytoday.com and goodtherapy.com have listings of screened therapists. Just because a person is licensed doesn't mean they are a good fit for all clients. Email or call the therapists. Ask questions, you are interviewing them because you are hiring them to work for you. Ask them what their approach is, how much experience they have dealing with young women struggling with depression and anything else you would want to know.
You recognize that you need distraction from your feelings; that is good. Everybody needs something to look forward to. Congrats on finishing high school? Do you like school? Is school something you are good at? I would recommend obtaining a copy of a catalogue from your local community college. Take a couple of classes that interest you. Also look at your local park district. Learning something new will keep your mind occupied and give you a sense of accomplishment. Can you look into getting a part time job?
A good therapist can help you overcome these social anxiety issues you are experiencing. They will help you figure out what causes the anxiety and how you can overcome it. I think finding a new interest and being around some fresh faces will help build your confidence. Try not to isolate yourself because it will only be harder to come out of that rut. Try to motivate yourself to do the holiday activities. You don't have to go and stay the whole party, but make an appearance.
Stay off the internet forums that are triggering to you. You don't need to save the world or drain yourself on these forums. It is kind of you to want to help but your main focus should be on you and your health and feelings.
You need to find something that is worth the effort. That is why I am suggesting looking for a class to take or a skill to learn or even getting involved again in something that you loved but stopped doing.
You are not weak for not hurting yourself. You are strong for not hurting yourself. The mood swings will get better when you start working through issues in therapy and finding supportive people and engaging activities. Have you tried journaling? When you don't have something distracting you write out your feelings. Write what you are thinking, that is one way to deal with both being bored and feeling sad and angry.
Don't compare yourself to other people. What you are dealing with is real to you. It is real and it is unnerving and you are a strong young woman for seeking help. Your struggles are hard and don't belittle yourself. Don't underestimate your strength to fight the depression and win. You can do it. Good luck!
