AboutPatricia A. Schafer, PCC-S, NCC, LICDC Expertise I am a Licensed Professional Clinical
Counselor in Cleveland, Ohio and a National Certified Counselor. I am presently working on my PhD at Kent State. I specialize in Seasonal Affective Disorder, and other depression problems. Also, I counsel families of alcoholics/drug addictions; social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues and a variety of other issues. If I can help, let me know. Thank you.
Question Ok, so maybe I'm not exactly spinning out of control...but I bet it's close. Let me explain. I am 30 years old, and I have 3 children; ages 3, 2, and 3 months. If you are asking yourself what my husband and I were thinking, I know I too, am thinking the same thing. My older 2 kids make me crazy. They fight... A LOT. And scream...A LOT. And disobey...A LOT. And hit each other...A LOT. And this happens day after day after day. And I want to pull my hair out. My 2 year old daughter will take every opportunity to escape on me when were out. Always when I'm in the middle of 10 other things, and not able to run after her easily. My son repeats himself over and over. Mommy, can I have juice? Mommy can I have juice? Mommy can I have juice? And he will just say it and say it until he get what he wants--or until I yell back...which ever comes first. I am frustrated with my life. I LOVE and ADORE my children. Absolutely no doubt about that. But there are times when I miss my old life. When I wish I could get a break, if even to just use the bathroom in peace. And speaking of bathroom, I just started potty training my 2 year old escape artist. She is tough, and wants to use the potty, but has suddenly realized that it wasn't as much fun as she imagined. This only adds to my stress. I often have to sit in the bathroom for 10-20 minutes at a time with her, which affords the opportunity for my son to wreck havoc! Today while I was with her, he found a little baggie of pretzels in our living room. He opened the bag, dumped them on the floor and them stomped them to bits (well, tiny particle dust actually). While I was cleaning that up my daughter decided to pee our couch--because I was unsuccessful at getting her to go on the potty just 5 minutes prior. Then while I was getting that cleaned up, I had a bottle from my 3 month old left on the coffee table. My daughter has a fetish with tipping it over and watching the formula drip out onto whatever she thinks looks fun. Today it was the loveseat and my laptop. I was at my wits end. I spanked my daughter (Which I have NEVER EVER done--and regret deeply) out of sheer frustration. And then I sat in the bathroom and cried my eyes out! I don't know what to do. I feel like this black cloud hangs over me constantly and I don't know what to do to get rid of it. I used to think that help was what I needed. But when I get help it doesn't really ease my stress. What I've come to realize is that what I really need is some family/close friends to be an outlet for me when I'm on the verge of insanity. I don't have that. My family all lives upstate, and for reasons I won't go into, much of them are estranged from me. My husbands family all works, and I don't feel comfortable calling them. My mother-in-law is especially judgmental--and I don't need that on top of everything else. I do belong to a mother's center but I have been unable to go to any of the classes since my baby was born. Besides I can't just show up and start dumping my emotions on people I barely know.
On top of my fragile emotional state...I've also developed some odd health issues. Stomach aches, diarrhea, chronic headaches, and body aches. I've even had some vision problems. I don't know if it related to pressure I'm under or not.
On a side note...my husband is a wonderful support person, and an amazing husband and father. But let me tell you that he doesn't get it--I suppose that is typical of a man-but that's no consolation to me though. He doesn't help me around the house as much as he should either. He's NEVER given our children a bath. The other day I asked him if he could run the bath water. He asked me "what temperature should it be at?" I said I don't know, just not too hot. He just stood there next to me, as if he was frozen in fear of not getting it right. I told him to forget it--which I think it exactly what he wanted to do in the first place. I do ask him for help but I always get an attitude. He sighs under his breath and asked me what I want him to do with an enthusiasm of the slowest turtle you can imagine. I hate getting the grief and so I just do it all. He will vehemently deny that he has an "attitude", but I assure you that he does. I don't know what to do to cope. I don't even know what my options are. I need some coping skills PRONTO! Otherwise I am going to commit myself to the nearest psych ward...if even just to get a break for 48 hours. WOW! 48 hours--that sounds good...as I hear all 3 of my kids screaming right now!
Thanks in advance.
-Tanya
Answer Hi Tanya:
There is an excellent book entitled "Backtalk" by Ricker - it is an oldie but goodie.
Next, buy any book that Super Nanny has out - she is excellent.
Next, call up the local grade schools and ask if they know where there are parenting classes called: Parent Effectiveness Training (PET).
Next, seriously talk to your husband about going for a couple of session in marital counseling to help you both bring out your needs and how each can help the other.
Also, to think how you do all the housework - can you hire household help? Also, check for Mother's morning out or help for mothers in your local neighborhood where you can help each other so you can get out.
One of the things you have to do with your children is "say what you mean and Mean what you so but don't say it mean" and STICK to it - otherwise they will walk all over you.
Get the BACKTALK book first.
