Expert: Dr. Yogita Goel - 1/6/2007

Question
Hi,

Thank you so much for your answer - I have tried to answer your questions - if you feel you can add from this I would appreciate it -

(a) Yes, his younger sister has blonde, curly hair and very cute - she gets a lot of attention from others and I guess us - I guess he was formerly the only child.  He was happy when she was born and very protective but as she got older he does seem a little threatened.

(b) Yes, again he probably does get less time from myself and my husband as she is a lot younger and requires a bit more help with day to day activities.  I guess we treat him as the older "more mature" one

(c)THe only other event I can think of was that his light did fall on his doona one morning and it smoldered - he woke up but didn't seem too effected by it.

(d) I am a lawyer and my husband runs his own business and is a paramedic - I guess it is a busy household.  I know my son would like to spend more time with particularly my husband.  My husband is a bit stressed so whilst he can be LOADS of fun with the kids (probably more so than me) he can also be extremely strict at dinnertime with manners and eating properly, the latter my son seems to find difficult.  Whilst most of the time I like to think I am warm and loving I can be a bit harsh at time and yell a little but I'm improving on this.  However, we have never hit our children or used any physical form of punishment.

(e) He is a very sensitive and emotional child - but also can be a bit of a skylark when he gets with other boys and is very popular at school.  He behaves extremely well at school and is well liked by teachers and students.  He seems quieter at school but can become quite loud and energetic (possibly attention seeking) at home.  Other parents comment to me that he is "quite a character" - he is funny and likes that about himself.

(f) His hobbies - loves other children - anything which involves interacting with others.  He is also relatively good at sports but what he seems to like most is conducting all sorts of experiments and exploring.  This is probably the only time he likes to be solitary although he does like to do these with others as well if they are interested.  He seems to really enjoy doing things one on one with his Dad.

I hope this provides more insight.  If you have nothing further to add but simply confirms your initial opininion that is fine.  However, if you have something further to add I would appreciate your comments.

thanks!
Sharon


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The text above is a follow-up to ...

-----Question-----
Hi I have a concern with my 6 year old boy.  He has always been a little bit anxious about things such as dying [but every kid is aren't they].  However, ever since part of his school was burnt down in an arson attack (not his classroom) he has been bursting into tears of an evening for a variety of reasons.  THe original evening he was not only upset about the fire but there was some advertised fear about asbestos in the walls (unfortunately, he overheard me speaking to my husband). The other thing I have noticed is that he has become overly concerned with switching of all lights and electricity at night and will burst into tears if I don't promise to (the school fire was not electricity related).  Also, my 3 year old daughter was hiding in the house and we could not find her within a minute and he started getting very upset and burst into tears again as he thought something had happened to her.  He has also started to burst into tears about silly little things like if my daughter touches any of his stuff.   The other thing that is stressful in his life is that he has just finished grade one and will have a new teacher next year.  He had a really lovely teacher for grade one and absolutely adored her and she really liked him.  He is having difficulty coming to terms with the fact he will have someone different next year.  He has been bursting into tears about this too and became very upset when a food item he had brought home from the break up party was thrown out - he said he could never get it again and it reminded him of grade one.  Then on the same evening he was upset about stickers on his wall and what would happen to them if we ever moved - apparently as they were significant to him as he had them as a small child.

Anyway, I think you can get the picture - this has only been going on for just over a week [although the hoarding things and not wanting to let things go even broken things has been longer] so maybe it is all way too early.  I think maybe the fire has triggered something off.  I was wondering if you had any suggestions as to how we deal with it in comforting him or behaviourally and whether this is significant enough for him to go to a counsellor/psychologist.  He is a wonderful child at school who receives glowing reports, although he does act up a bit at home.  Now he just seems to be feeling sad and anxious - he tells me this is primarily in the evenings and he feels a lot better in the morning.

I would be grateful for any comments/suggestions.

thanks
Sharon
-----Answer-----
Dear Sharon,
Sorry for delaying first...

After reading you completely... i may guess only one major thing..
Your kid is suffering with insecurity...
I may not say just now what is the particular thing which effect him a lot..What do you think ? Is the school incident is really big to effect....or any other reason may be found?
I also want to know something more about his history..
(if it is ok...)

*After your second child,did he react negatively even for a moment...?
*Did he get less time than his sister whenever needed from you & his father..?
*any other event which may be elaborate...?
*your family atmosphere & background
*his general nature & hobbies
*your way to deal with your children

Try to discover these answers.
Thanks for your co-operation.

Again sorry for late reply...
Thanks.

Answer
Dear Sharon,
Have a nice day...!

My guess was right. Your child is suffering with Insecurity..
No problem...this is not too much to worry if you take a great care of your little kid...6 year is not a very grown up age when a child can't improve, but you should heal him up very softly...as...

* give him major of your time
* always remember his all special dates, events, needs,  likings & disliking
* Never shout on him or any one else before him
* never compare him with anyone even with his sister
* always take almost same things for both
* must appreciate him on his little achievement
* give him surprisingly gifts, chocolates & balloons
* your husband should also co-operate you...as it is his need to be with his father
* give him some small responsibilities of her sister or home
* try to show your concern to him ever

I think these tips will help you to know him well.
Write me when needed & rate me too.
Thanks