Expert: Spirit - 4/17/2005

Question
first of all, i want to thank you for helping poeple who suffer from these horiffic feelings. Im one of those poeple who find themeselves overwhelmed by sadness and gloom. my name is asmaa, im 24 years old, i ll be graduating from university this year. from my chilhood, i find myself excluded, well, not excluded but not spoiled like my brother, also i realised that he was loved more than me  by everybody especially mom. my heard has been broken many heart( the last one was on february). also, i failed twice in my life( at university)and it was the worst thing that happend to me during my life.now my probelm is that i find myself useless in this world, i have no dreams to realize. also, i feel that i become so old and i feel shame when somoene ask me about my age:( and without hesitation i lie. recently i discoverd that i suffer from a genital disease that can prevent me from having a family or even sex.the problem is that i don t from what it comes as i have never a sexual affair.  im so sad and distressed that i can t concentrate on my studies and i have the final exam after 20 days. im afraid that i ll repeat this year again, im afraid to see a doctor and tells me that i can never be a mother or even a wife or ...maybe dying so soon. im really lost. i dare not say all that to my friends, and u know how it's hard to keep all that in ur heart, and pretending that u are happy while u feel all the sorrow of this world. do u think that i can regain my smile again and live like those poeple in this world? im waiting for ur answear... thanks in advance.  

Answer
Dear Asmaa;

First of all, I want you to understand that what you describe is not a clinical, biological problem, but a logical and understandable human emotional reaction to life events that lower your happiness potential.

You CAN be happy.

But in order to be, you need to conquer and gain control over the areas of your life that are out of control right now.

First of all, it is possible that you have had family situations that have made you feel unworthy or unloved. This is wrong, and you don't deserve that. And you need to overcome the feelings this has created in you. For that, please look into Dianetics (www.dianetics.org)

Secondly, you must stop thinking of your university attempts as failures. There is no failure if you're still going, and there is only success at the end when you complete your studies. Even the everyday learning is success. So realize that you're judging yourself too severely, and that this is probably not even yourself but others judging, and that you've assimilated this judging into your head, into your thinking patterns, and now you punish yourself unnecessarily with these "borrowed" thoughts. For this, please look into the course "Overcoming the Ups and Downs in Life" course, at any Scientology Organization.

Thirdly, you're NOT old. You're 24, and only at this age peope mature into adulthood and become somewhat aware of their journey in life, and it takes even more years to figure out where one's life is heading. 24 is YOUNG.

Last but not least, you need to gain control over your body and your health. you DEFINITELY need to consult a doctor, possibly two or three to get more than one opinion, immediately.
Something is wrong here, and you need to learn all about it. If you've never had sex, then you need to learn how is it possible for you to have a genital disease. There are many possible explanations and I won't speculate, but it is important that you EDUCATE yourself about it.

Please know that a disease is not the end of your life. You may have to have precautions, take medications, or have protected sex (use condoms, for example) or make other decisions. You may or may not be able to have children. If you are physically unable, then you can still adopt, or other choices. LEARN about it. Get knowledge. Don't remain in the dark. Don't be a victim - be a survivor. Take charge of your life.

best,
Spirit
www.liveandgrow.org