About Sylvia Bergthold Expertise I can answer questions dealing with roommate situations including compatability, leases, placing roommate wanted ads, what you have to offer to a roommate, sharing of utilities and other services, interviewing techniques and questions, some legal aspects of housesharing, clearance information, etc.
Experience I have had roommates in my home for over 32 years and am the author of:
"SORRY, THE BOA HAS GOTTA GO!" A Roommate Survival Guide
Publications The Los Angeles Times, The HB-FV Independent, The Arizona Tribune, Lansing Michigan Rental Guide, Roommate Locator Newsletter, The Plain Dealer,, Las Vegas Sun, Apartment Lifestyles Magazine, Instyle Magazine, The Whiz.com, Cosmopolitan, Under 25, The Portsmouth Herald
Question I'm dealing with/ an awkward situation here. I'm about 8 months into my year lease. I have spoken with/ the leasing office and I can get out with/ a 60 day notice, sign a rider (to take my name off the lease), then I will pay 2 months rent to my roommate (under the table to cover the 60 days) just to get a one bedroom by myself. The rest of the situation is this: I received an excellent job after graduating from college and agreed to move in with/ my best friend in Denver, CO. About 2 months into the lease I met an incredible girl that I will probably spend the rest of my life with. When she comes over she stays in my room and uses my bathroom and that is it. I work at 8 am and she works at 130 PM. I even gave him the heads up that she would be staying over with me but she would only be in my room or the bathroom. I allow her to stay until about 9 am where she gets up and leaves before my roommate even thinks of getting up. My girlfriend and I go out almost every night until at least midnight. So I never see my roommate and he never sees us, yet he's had the gall to say he hates my girlfriend (he said I need to have standards) and when I do see him he just stares at me judging my life decisions. He never goes out even if invited (admitted homebody, which is fine). I have caught him staring at me walking to my car from the balcony. He is starting to allow people to stay in the common area without giving me the heads up. He is very paranoid. He booby traps his bedroom door to make sure neither me or my girlfriend goes inside. I hate being home when he is because I feel he can "snap" at any second. He's even getting his parents involved now because they are pissed that we agreed to end the lease. By the way we are 23 years old. The friendship is officially over. The paper work can't clear fast enough. My question is: Am I being unreasonable here or this is just the way life goes sometimes?
Answer Hi Adam
I fail to see why his parents are pissed that you are ending the lease....what business is it of theirs? You are BOTH adults for crying out loud. This is a decision that the two of you arranged and decided to break. Period. And your roommate (lets call him Sam) needs to do some serious growing up.
Now so YOU don't get off scott free in this mess, you need to understand why he is unhappy with the situation. It originally was just the two of you on the lease. Then you brought in your girlfriend into the equation. And stop telling me she only stays in your room and bathroom. She is still a presence in the place, using up a share of the utilities, etc. Once she "moved in" or became an almost permanent fixture in the place, you should have been splitting the utilities by three, not two. Sam probably deeply resents this "new" arrangement and therefore "hates" your girlfriend without really even knowing her. You created this problem when you brought her there.
The really FIRST mistake you made was moving in with your best friend. I am sure you have read the many many letters I have received over the many years I have been doing this web space/column and how I feel about best friends moving in together. It VERY VERY VERY rarely works out. Read the letters to prove my point. SO....this arrangement was doomed from the start. And of course the friendship is toast. That is the end results of moving in together.
At least Adam you were able to break the lease (not an easy matter if you have read any of the letters to this column). And yes, you all need to go your separate ways. As a person who has lived a great many years, I can assure you that early childhood friends, high school and college friends don't always continue to stay friends. We all go off in different directions, have at times huge differences in the way we want to lead our lives, what we WANT to do with our lives and it isn't always compatible with old time friends. There is nothing wrong with this. As we mature (or never mature) we start realizing that we have absolutely NOTHING in common anymore with people we previously thought would be in our lives forever. That is the way life is.
So good luck with your job, and your new love in your life. Say goodbye to Sam and wish him well. Try not to burn bridges in your life. You never know when you might require them.
