About Sylvia Bergthold Expertise I can answer questions dealing with roommate situations including compatability, leases, placing roommate wanted ads, what you have to offer to a roommate, sharing of utilities and other services, interviewing techniques and questions, some legal aspects of housesharing, clearance information, etc.
Experience I have had roommates in my home for over 32 years and am the author of:
"SORRY, THE BOA HAS GOTTA GO!" A Roommate Survival Guide
Publications The Los Angeles Times, The HB-FV Independent, The Arizona Tribune, Lansing Michigan Rental Guide, Roommate Locator Newsletter, The Plain Dealer,, Las Vegas Sun, Apartment Lifestyles Magazine, Instyle Magazine, The Whiz.com, Cosmopolitan, Under 25, The Portsmouth Herald
Expert: Sylvia Bergthold Date: 12/6/2006 Subject: Roommate From Hell...
Question Sylvia,
I apologize in advance for a long introduction to my problem. I just want you to see the whole situation.
I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with my mother as a cosigner. My mother and I put down a $600 security deposit together in June on 2004. In fall of 2004 I found a roommate, Orlando. He had a job and seemed nice (I hadn't known him well before moving in together). He sent in a application to be added to the lease he was denied (my original landlord was quite racist and Orlando is African American), but shortly after the denial my landlord sold the property to Stan, my current landlord. We signed a lease together with Stan as our new landlord. I did receive in writing that my original security deposit was transferred to Stan. Then the problems began...I am a nice person (which is my downfall). I have big problems saying no to people, and I tend to get into situations where I am used because I am too DAMN nice. I hate confrontations also...I will avoid them at any cost. Orlando is an ass, he has to control everything, he thinks I can't do anything myself, he thinks he is my owner. Seriously he treats me like a dog. He opens all my mail, he wants to know where every single dollar I make at my own job goes, and he is basically in charge. I should have gotten out of this situation a long time ago but honestly I was scared. Orlando has a horrible temper and does not think it's wrong to hit women. He has strangled me over spilled milk. He has grabbed and bruised my arms a few different times. And, a month ago he came at me with beer bottles and threw me over the kitchen table. I know what you're thinking why didn't I defend myself. Well, I failed to mention Orlando is 6'4" and 300+ pounds. There is no winning with this guy. For the past two months I have been staying at my boyfriends (the sweetest man on Earth), but I have been paying all the bills at the other house. Orlando (to once again control me) had a family cell phone plan for the both of us that he MAKES me pay $200 on each month. SO I probably pay the whole bill each month, but I don't know because he won't show me the bills and I have to no access to the account.
So, after the beer bottle and table breaking incident I had enough. This week is the week. I called my landlord and told him everything. He told me as long as Orlando was taking over the lease that he would rip up our original lease. I told him I needed to talk to Orlando and I would call him to come out to the house when both Orlando and I would both be there. Today, I cancelled Orlando and my "family" YMCA membership which I don't use, yet it comes out of my checking account each month. I also went and got my own cell phone plan under my name for just me. I plan on erasing all my info of the phone he gave me under his plan (I can't be held liable if it's all under his name?) Orlando texted me about the Y membership and I told him what I did. He went ape-shit. He told me I was a selfish bitch and that I don't consider anyone else. He told me to reopen it ASAP. I told him no. Needless to say he is probably pissed. Now Orlando does not know I plan to move out, he doesn't know I got my own cell phone and am planning on giving his back, and he doesn't know I spoke to our landlord. The thing is I have most of all my belongings in that house, and I don't want to tell Orlando till I have my stuff out of there because I'm scared he might ruin my shit. But, then if I'm moving my shit out he is going to go crazy mad because all the furniture and the computer is mine (which he calls his stuff because "It's his house...and a woman can't own household things when it's a MAN's house", those are his words exactly). SO my question for you would be what is the wisest way to tell Orlando that I've had enough and that I want out? I already know I need a witness there in case he gets physical. But, should I tell him and give him notice or should I just do it all in one day?
I would really appreciate your input in this matter. Thanks.
Katrina
Answer Hi Katrina
I cannot believe you put up with this crap all this time. You have a serious problem Katrina and it is not being nice....it is you are much too passive and easily manipulated. I would suggest STRONGLY you seek counseling and learn how to stand up for yourself. You have made a good start with the cellphone thing....good!
Meanwhile, I would NOT tell Orlando anything about you moving out. No notice, no nothing. Then I would gather as many big guys as you can find,(a lot of them) even if you have to pay them. Go to the local college, talk to the "fraternity" guys and hire them. Football players would be even better. Do the damsel in distress thing. Then have them all go to your apartment and help you move out all your stuff from the place. Put it in storage if you have to or move it to your boyfriends place or to your parents or friends place. But get out NOW.
DO NOT give Orlando another dime, and if he gives you a rash of shit, you call the police and file a restraining order on him ASAP. In fact, you might want to call the police before you move out and explain to them your fears. They might come out to watch things so it doesn't get nasty.
Carry a can of Pepper Spray at all times and learn how to use it. You should have called the police the first time Orlando got physical. If you had, it would have been on record and easier to get a restraining order. He has a serious attitude problem and probably thinks every one who confronts him about his attitude is a racist. I know the type.
Now get going....remember, lots of big guys. Storage space for your stuff. No forwarding address except to postoffice (if necessary). And restraining order if warranted.
