About Sylvia Bergthold Expertise I can answer questions dealing with roommate situations including compatability, leases, placing roommate wanted ads, what you have to offer to a roommate, sharing of utilities and other services, interviewing techniques and questions, some legal aspects of housesharing, clearance information, etc.
Experience I have had roommates in my home for over 32 years and am the author of:
"SORRY, THE BOA HAS GOTTA GO!" A Roommate Survival Guide
Publications The Los Angeles Times, The HB-FV Independent, The Arizona Tribune, Lansing Michigan Rental Guide, Roommate Locator Newsletter, The Plain Dealer,, Las Vegas Sun, Apartment Lifestyles Magazine, Instyle Magazine, The Whiz.com, Cosmopolitan, Under 25, The Portsmouth Herald
Question My boyfriend and I are renting a very small one bedroom cottage. Our friend, "Jim", asked to use our workshop out back and perhaps stay the night when he did. Jim stayed with us with increasing frequancy and eventually asked to move in after about a month of staying at our house three or four days a week. We agreed, thinking that he could help us out with rent, and made the dining room into a second bedroom. He's lived with us for two months now and has paid his part of the bills, rent, and bought groceries but not without my boyfriend and I hounding him about his time limit. Everything is in my name, I will not pay bills late and I will not pay rent late but Jim leaves everything till the last minute, including working, and it worries me. He makes just enough to get by with us and only works if he feels like he's in danger of not being able to pay what he owes. He doesn't save up for next months rent or look ahead at other bills he may have to pay. We love Jim like a brother and really want to help him out but when we remind him about bills or working he gets mad and says things like "I didn't move in to get ahead" and "I hate it when people start trying to tell me when to work" To make matters worse he frequently borrows our only car and doesn't fill it back up when he's done using it. He has borrowed money also which we don't expect to get back really. And the other day he brought home a hippie to stay on our couch for "I dunno... A few days?" Didn't consult us, and didn't consider that the living room is the only space we have left in the house. How can we get through his head that he is being inconsiderate? If we can't resolve this soon we are going to have to tell him to find another place to live. How can we tell a brother nicely that he's overstayed his welcome when he does pay his part of the rent and has not been late yet? I don't want to wait until we're all screwed.
Answer Hi Jess
Let's face it your "friend/like a brother roommate" is not a very stable guy; He is a flake okay? Let's not mince words here. He is perfectly satisfied with paying his share just to get by.
Meanwhile you are fretting about paying your bills on time; when if ever Jim is going to get his act together (it is NOT going to happen in your lifetime so get this dream out of your head NOW);and is Totally disrespectful as your rights and privacy. That is because Jim marches by a different drummer than the rest of us. He will always live on the "fringe" because he is perfectly happy this way.
You on the other hand are a stable person, think ahead, and are a responsible individual. In other words Jess, you have an incompatible living arrangement with Jim.
You could write up a roommate agreement (not my choice at this point), outlining when bills are to be paid, adding a late charge of $25 when they are late, having a WRITTEN set of rules with the agreement such as: no drugs, no overnight guests, no late night parties, etc.
Or MY choice would be this: It is time to give Jim a WRITTEN 30 day notice to move out on his own. You were glad to help him for awhile but it is time you ALL moved on with your lives. Since he didn't move in with you "to get ahead", what was the point?
If you really want someone to help pay with rent and utilities, believe me there are better alternatives than to have Jim there. My Roommate Survival Guide will show you how. The first rule is NEVER have friends or relatives move in as roommates. But you already know that by now.
And yes, if you continue to have Jim live there, you will financially become insolvent. You have already loaned him money KNOWING you will NOT get it back. It is not your "responsibility" to provide Jim shelter. If he is desperate enough, he will work like the rest of us.
