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Dealing with Roommates/Roomate's boyfriend stays over all the time


mbbaby14 wrote at 2009-07-20 15:04:35
i WISH my roommates boyfriend only stayed over two weeks straight. Since move in day, 7 months ago, her boyfriend has stayed over 5 out of 7 nights a week. Now, it's up to 7 nights a week. I told her he needs to split utilities AND rent, and she basically told me to get out if I have a problem with it. I'm going to talk to our leasing dept because like your lease, Monique, our lease said we aren't allowed a 3rd person to stay that often!

That guy wrote at 2012-12-10 01:47:43
I think that you do have a polite solution to your situation.  TALK to your roommate's boyfriend.  Tell him that he is encroaching on your space and you want to be able to sit on the coach without a bra and watch the shared tv.  You shouldn't have to feel like you need to isolate yourself in your bedroom whenever he is over.  It's your place, and you should feel like you can do whatever you please when your there because it's your place.  

What you need to understand  is that you need to let you opinions be known, it's your place and you should be able to be vocal about your concerns.  As the guy that's over all the time, I wish I would've been extended that courtesy.  I stay with my girlfriend a few times a week (not evert night, but 3 or 4 nights a week), and i didn't think it was an issue.  I've hung out with my girlfriends roommate on numerous occasions without my girlfriend. Pick her up from/take her to work, go to the bar or a party together, go get tacos, or whatever the case may be.  I've always thought of me staying over as spending the night with my girlfriend and my buddy.  It never occurred to me that I was imposing as much as I was on the roommate, largely because she never said anything.  

You can tell your roommate how you feel and she may or may not feel like you're being hostile.  If you talk to the boyfriend, he'll appreciate your honesty and do what needs to be done to ensure he isn't creating any issues with his significant other and those that she lives with.  

If you're old enough to move out of mom and dads, you're old enough to know guys aren't the quickest to pick up on your subtle hints.  Please tell us how you feel, and we'll be more than happy to oblige.  The last thing we're looking to do is make trouble.  We just enjoy staying with your roommate and don't realize that we're putting you in an awkward position.

Dealing with Roommates

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Sylvia Bergthold


I can answer questions dealing with roommate situations including compatability, leases, placing roommate wanted ads, what you have to offer to a roommate, sharing of utilities and other services, interviewing techniques and questions, some legal aspects of housesharing, clearance information, etc.


I have had roommates in my home for over 32 years and am the author of:
"SORRY, THE BOA HAS GOTTA GO!" A Roommate Survival Guide

The Los Angeles Times, The HB-FV Independent, The Arizona Tribune, Lansing Michigan Rental Guide, Roommate Locator Newsletter, The Plain Dealer,, Las Vegas Sun, Apartment Lifestyles Magazine, Instyle Magazine, The, Cosmopolitan, Under 25, The Portsmouth Herald

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