About Sylvia Bergthold Expertise I can answer questions dealing with roommate situations including compatability, leases, placing roommate wanted ads, what you have to offer to a roommate, sharing of utilities and other services, interviewing techniques and questions, some legal aspects of housesharing, clearance information, etc.
Experience I have had roommates in my home for over 32 years and am the author of:
"SORRY, THE BOA HAS GOTTA GO!" A Roommate Survival Guide
Publications The Los Angeles Times, The HB-FV Independent, The Arizona Tribune, Lansing Michigan Rental Guide, Roommate Locator Newsletter, The Plain Dealer,, Las Vegas Sun, Apartment Lifestyles Magazine, Instyle Magazine, The Whiz.com, Cosmopolitan, Under 25, The Portsmouth Herald
Expert: Sylvia Bergthold Date: 12/5/2006 Subject: roomate problem? can we kick her out?
Question My boyfriend and I decided that we were going to live together a few months ago. So in May we found the apartment complex we liked and put down half of the deposit. We decided that we would get a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment. He and I would share a room and whom ever else lived with us would have their own room. So when it came around to it we ended up getting a 2 bedroom and had a "friend" of mine move in with us. I am not sure if she officially signed the lease when she moved in (she moved in two weeks later than we did) but my boyfriend and I did and we pay for most of the rent ($945) while she pays ($420) to have her own room and restroom.
Anyhow she has been causing problems since the first week we moved in. She and my boyfriend began to argue while I was stuck in the middle trying to keep peace between everyone. She occasionally gave me attitude but because I tend to be passive at times I let it go. The real problem started when she began saying that she wanted a dog. She asked me if I thought that my boyfriend would be okay with it and I told her, at the time, that I honestly did not know. Later on that same night I asked my boyfriend and he said, "absolutely not!" Soon after I let her know and she got upset and said that it "wasn't fair." Over the next few weeks she continued to ask me to convince him to say yes but i knew, as well as she, that the answer was no! So a few weeks passed and over that time she would continue asking and when she would be on the phone with her friends she'd mention how she really wanted a dog.
After a month of trying to convince us she finally got a dog. The problem was that she did not even let us know! When she did tell me she was scared and kept on asking me not to get mad. When I finally promised not to get mad at her she finally told me. The first thing that came out after the revelation was, " do you think your boyfriend is gonna get mad?" At that point I was upset and told her " i didn't know" knowing very well that the answer was yes! (she knew as well or else she wouldn't have feared telling me!) When my boyfriend found out he was furious and told me to tell her that she needed to take the dog home (we are off at college and she goes home most weekends)! so I did and she told me that it was "not fair" (once again) and started comparing having a dog to having a few friend sleep over on the living room couch. (which had happened only about 4 times and should be fine because my boyfriend and I furnished the apartment, with the exception of her room.) After a few days I noticed that the dog was quiet and she was having "problems" (depressed... among other things, basically i felt sorry for her, stupid me!), so i convinced my boyfriend to let her keep it. He said fine but that she need to go to the front office and pay the deposit for the dog. When I spoke to her she told me, she did not have the money at the time but that she would pay it when she did. So the problems continued and surprisingly it wasn't because the dog was loud, but that its owner would continually leave the light on to the restroom (she would leave the dog in the restroom while she was away at school)! Due to this the electricity bill came out significantly higher. So my boyfriend left her a message asking her to please turn the light off. she did so for about 2 days but then went back to it. A few weeks later he left her a note once again asking her to please turn the light off and to pay the deposit!(about a month and a half after she got the dog). This time she and I spoke and she told me she really did not have the money... she was going through "problems" which i will not name. I knew her situation and felt sorry once more and told her I would let my boyfriend know the situation that I would ask him to be a little more patient(which was stupid) and ask him if it would be okay if she paid it when she came back from winter break ( she would be gone for about 3 weeks, the second week of December through the first of January). She told me that would be good. I talked to him and he said it was fine. she also asked that if we had anything to say to her, that we be adults and please talk to her instead of leaving notes. So after that the problem continued. she continued to leave the light on for about 2 weeks after the talk we had, had. So this past weekend on Saturday we decided (my boyfriend and I) we were going to talk to her. When she came home my boyfriend asked nice, " can we please talk about the light?" and she proceeded with attitude "not now! I don't want to talk about it, okay!" and just simply walked away.(we tried to talked to her just as she had asked and she gave us attitude in return!) A day passed and on Monday he tried talking to her. When she came home from school he asked her once again, "can we please talk?" she simply ignored him and walked away! For some reason a few minutes later she came out and asked "what's up?" he once again asked if she could please not be leaving the light on. She began yelling and in her defense said that we always leave the light on (which is not true it is only on when we are home and need it). I was in the kitchen and got upset at the fact that she would even try and defend herself with such a lie! So I got into the argument and began letting her know how i felt. I told her that we did not leave the light on and that if we ever had (which we never had) that it was most likely an accident! I said the f word a few times and told her that she left the light on for her dog and it was running up the electricity bill. My boyfriend also proceeded to tell her that she need to pay the deposit for her dog by the time she got back from winter break. Before he could finish she interrupted and told him "I don't have the money okay! I already told you! what do you want me to do!" Once again I began to yell and I told her that if she would let him finish that she would know that he meant when she got back from winter break! she once again stated that she did not have the money and she wasn't going to pay. My boyfriend said well then I'm going to let the front office know. she told him to go ahead. I told her once again that she had to pay it by the time she came back and needed to have proof. Once again she said she didn't have the money and so I told her "then you should have thought of that before bringing a dog." she told me that I knew that she was getting a dog. which I responded by saying,"no you told me you wanted a dog but I had already told you my boyfriend didn't want you to have one and you still went out and got one!" She repeated once again "I don't have the money and I am not going to pay it when I come back!" so I told her that she could do us the favor and get out of the apartment. She slammed the door to her room and blasted music (like an immature teenager).
I was just wondering, what if anything, can my boyfriend and I do about the situation? Can we go to the front office and explain our situation? Can we evict her if we are willing to pay her part of the rent each month?
Thanks,
Patty
Answer Hi Patty
Go to the leasing office and find out if she is on the lease agreement. That is the very first thing you should do. HOPE she is not because then you can evict her with a WRITTEN 30 day notice to vacate. If she signed the lease, she has as much right to be there as you do, so let's hope she didn't sign the papers.
Then explain to the landlord this entire situation. The dog deposit should have been paid BEFORE she brought it home. If I was the landlord, I would give her a WRITTEN 3 Day Notice to Perform Convenant or Quit. It basically says you will get rid of the dog within three days or you leave.
There is no way your roommate (lets call her Sue) is your friend and she is totally disrespectful of you and your boyfriend. Stop coddling her okay? You need to get mad at her, stop with "I don't know" when you do know.... she has manipulated this roommate arrangement into chaos. And since she is always "broke", she will NOT come up with the dog deposit nor will she come up with the extra money for the electricity that she is generating on a daily basis.
She might have depression problems but she is also making extremely stupid and childish choices in her life to cause depression. And I might add here that leaving an animal in a bathroom all day while she is away at school is cruel and inhumane. I would have called the Humane Society a week after she brought home this dog.
Tell the landlord you don't want the dog in the apartment, and you don't want Sue living there anymore either. You are sick and tired of arguing with her about everything. You and your boyfriend will pay her rent amount every month until you find a suitable replacement for her.
And before you get a replacement for Sue, buy my Roommate Survival Guide and find a responsible and compatible person to share you apartment with. The FIRST rule in my book is NEVER roommate with a friend (or relative). Now you know why.
