About Sylvia Bergthold Expertise I can answer questions dealing with roommate situations including compatability, leases, placing roommate wanted ads, what you have to offer to a roommate, sharing of utilities and other services, interviewing techniques and questions, some legal aspects of housesharing, clearance information, etc.
Experience I have had roommates in my home for over 32 years and am the author of:
"SORRY, THE BOA HAS GOTTA GO!" A Roommate Survival Guide
Publications The Los Angeles Times, The HB-FV Independent, The Arizona Tribune, Lansing Michigan Rental Guide, Roommate Locator Newsletter, The Plain Dealer,, Las Vegas Sun, Apartment Lifestyles Magazine, Instyle Magazine, The Whiz.com, Cosmopolitan, Under 25, The Portsmouth Herald
Question about 4 months ago a friend of 12 years moved herself into my house(i own). i wasn't expecting a roommate but apparently she misunderstood me and thought it was an invite to move in. she has no job, doesn't cook much, cleans when i raise Cain, but she does watch my kids for me when i go to work. anyway....I'm about to get married in April and on top of that its stressing me out to have another woman/person in my house full time(i like my space alot). how can i ask her to leave without totally severing the friendship?
Answer Hi Sarah
Perhaps because your roommate (lets call her Sue) is watching your children while you work, she feels this is her way of paying her "share" of the rent and utilities. After all child care cost lots of dough. And how much is it worth to you to have someone watch your children while you are working and not having to pay for it? You don't mention if she is paying you anything but I am assuming not as she doesn't have a job.
This is really your problem Sarah and not Sue's because you never really sat down and discussed this arrangement between the two of you; and since it is your house, you are the boss and make the rules. And if you have known her for twelves years, you certainly should be able to talk about this situation rationally and calmly.
You don't want or need to sever the friendship at this point. What you need to do is be totally honest with her. Tell her because of the stress of wedding plans, etc., it would help you a whole lot if she moved out by the end of January. You need to concentrate on the wedding and all the stuff that goes with it. You will of course have to now pay for childcare but I have to assume that is the lesser of two evils.
Meanwhile, make a daily list of chores for her to do, including cooking and don't back down. You will expect dinner when you get home. You will also list things like dusting, vacuuming, and other stuff you need done around the house, especially if you celebrate any of the upcoming holidays. She has to help with that too. You are allowing her to take advantage of you. It doesn't matter that she is a long time friend, you need to take control. You now understand why I STRESS in my Roommate Survival Guide to NEVER roommate with a friend of relative.
I might add though that you also have the perfect excuse for getting her to move. You have a new husband coming in shortly and you have to prepare your house for that.... assuming that he is moving into your home.
So sit down and start talking....
Good Luck
Sincerely
Sylvia Bergthold
www.aroommatesurvivalguide.com
