AboutPatricia A. Schafer, Clinical Counselor/Supervisor; LICDC, NCC Expertise I am a Licensed Professional Clinical
Counselor in Cleveland, Ohio and a National Certified Counselor. I am presently working on my PhD at Kent State. I specialize in Seasonal Affective Disorder, and other depression problems. Also, I counsel families of alcoholics/drug addictions; social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues and a variety of other issues. If I can help, let me know. Thank you.
Hi
I am really asking what I should do. Maybe its obvious but it doesnt feel it at the moment. I'll give the story. I am a student in my final year of quite a stressful course. I took last year off due to one of my brother being ill (he died in May) and another having problems with alcohol. I spent the first few months looking after my brother's business as he was going through rehab and then went to be with my other brother. This all happened last year. After the year out I came back to uni but felt exhausted. I also had fallen back a long way in my studies and with my skills and really struggled to get back. nearly all my friends were in my original year or the years above. I know very few ppl in this year and the ppl i do know seem to blank me. I dont really understand why (I thought it might be because they thought i'd failed.) There's probably only one person in the year who knows whats happened and she seems to have drifted away. A friend who's left recently said others might also know as she probably told a few ppl. This might be why the others are blanking me. I don't know. My family live all around the world. I have one brother in the Uk but its very much a one way relationship there (he is the one with the drink problem - he will only really talk when he is drunk or going thru a crisis and has never asked about my life - I don't think he'd really care). The rest of my family are nice ppl - they are however v.religious and I am the only family member who does not follow their religion. I don't really wanna open up to them as in the past they have always told me that the problem is that I am not converted and and I am rebelling against god etc. I feel worse after I talk to them and so now dont. I think they think of me as emotionally cold. Anyway I just dont know what to do. I am usually quite a strong person but I feel exhausted now. I've struggled thru the year to try to make up what I've forgotten but I've run out ofenergy now. I've got finals coming up and I just feel unab;le to do the level of work I need to. I also really dont care anymore. I have a job I should be starting in August and I cant work out if to have to carry on at uni or to start work is worse. I feel like I'm pushing for something that doesnt matter any more. The truth I'm struggling to see anything in the future that may be good. It seems melodramatic I know but I feel I have few roots in my family friends or even where i live. I feel I will alwasy be moving and never connecting to things. Thats kinda how we were brought (I've lived in various countries)and for my parents it was their faith that gave them some roots (although trhey were often in the pits themselves though they tried to cover it from outsiders). I dont know I just feel aimless and i dont think I care anymore. I also feel really angry at times about things in the family and wider randon things. I'm not turning into a very nice person with it.
ok so I'm sorry i've just given you my emotional vomit. I'm sorry you had to hear it (i know how hard it is to have to hear this all day) but I thought I was going to burst if i didnt write it. I'm not sure if I have any real questions. Maybe I just wanted to write to someone.
hope it hasnt brought you down for the day,
Leah
Answer Hi Leah:
You have been through a lot and all the support you gave your brother while he was in rehab and then to have another brother die of an illness. That is a lot of emotional stress and strain.
It all sounds like you are emotionally worn down and you do need to vent and to have someone listen. So, have you thought of going to the university student counseling department? Also, you may have some depression and have that checked out too.
Now, here is an idea, I don't know if you will like it or not. But since you have a brother who is alcoholic (whether he is still drinking or not) you qualify for Al-Anon (family and friends of alcoholics). They are just warm people to be around and maybe that is what you need now. Just look up Al-Anon on the web and check out the locations (all over the US) and pick your city. There are MANY, MANY meetings because so many people are hurting and need to be around others.
YOu mention you think you are not turning into a nice person. Well, Al-Anon helps you to release anger and that "emotional vomit" and you can also get help at the counseling center for the anger. Also, don't worry about turning into a mean person - when you realize there is help for you, you will be able to be the person you want to be - that is a choice you can make and have help making it.
You mention your family is religious. Well, Al-Anon is spiritual but not religious - you can believe in God or not. So, just check it out.
Sound like you need to be around warm and loving people who accept you for the way you are and for all the feelings you are going through. So, please take time out to care for yourself - it is not selfish. You have cared for others, now care for yourself by going to counseling or Al-Anon. Try counseling and/or AL-Anon for 6 sessions or meetings and then decide if you like it or not.
You are not alone, although right now it does feel like it. And definitely do go to the school counseling center and get assessed for depression. You may need some medication to help you through this.
