AboutPatricia A. Schafer, Clinical Counselor/Supervisor; LICDC, NCC Expertise I am a Licensed Professional Clinical
Counselor in Cleveland, Ohio and a National Certified Counselor. I am presently working on my PhD at Kent State. I specialize in Seasonal Affective Disorder, and other depression problems. Also, I counsel families of alcoholics/drug addictions; social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues and a variety of other issues. If I can help, let me know. Thank you.
Question I am a 27-year-old male who has been actively dating for maybe 7 years. I have always been nervous around girls, but I have trained myself out of it (or at least to function despite it). Nevertheless, I have found myself in a pattern over the last several years of getting into relationships and then, somewhere along the line, panicking and feeling an often overwhelming need to "jump ship." The anxiety has become so pervasive that now I don't even have the initial infatuation stage with a new girlfriend before feeling the compulsion to dump her. These feelings have caused me so much torment that I have avoided relationships for years at a time and am usually happier (or at least more at peace) without them. But I feel that what I am experiencing has nothing to do with the girl and everything to do with me, so that even if I dated a Victoria Secret bibliophile with a 180 IQ and the spirit of an Everest climber, I'd still find something to be unhappy about. Please give me some advice. I have thought this to death, have come up with a dozen reasons and solutions, but still have these moments of utter agony. Thank you.
Answer Hi Matt:
Sounds like you could be suffering from a form of social anxiety such as a social phobia around girls and your fears and doubts creep in.
I think talk therapy would be good for you to work on your self-esteem, what your fears are, etc. If something is not taken care of it can get worse as time goes on. So, you do mention that the anxiety has become "so pervasive" - so it does sound like it is getting worse.
It may be good to seek out a male therapist for you. So, look for people with titles such as LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, PsyD - Clinical Psychologist, LISW - Licensed Independent Social Worker, Psychologist, etc. Ask if they specialize in anxieties and depression. The reason why I say depression is that it is common with anxieties.
Ask the therapist how much experience they have and what techniques do they use. For example: for talk therapy - behavior modification and cognitive behavioral therapy techniques are good or REBT - rational emotive behavior therapy. Also, have them evalute you because you may need medication too.
