AboutJames Middleton Expertise I am happy answering questions about handling stress and panic attacks, overwork and similar problems.
Experience I am a practicing hypnotherapist of 18 years experience and a qualified Occupational Therapist in community mental health.
Organizations belong to Council for Professions Supplementary to Medicine, Member of the National Register of Advanced Hypnotherapists, Full member of ANLP.
Publications UK Journal of Association for Neurolinguistic Processing.
Education/Credentials Dip Cot, Certificate in Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy, Certificate in Co-counselling, Reiki 1, Reiki 2, and Reiki Masters. Practitioner of NLP
Awards and Honors WARP Freefall Coach for the British Parachute Association.
Question Hello I've been having huge anxiety and depression over thoughts of being an homosexual. I've always thought myself to a heterosexual and until recently have only thought of girls while fantasizing/masturbating. My stress has been going on for nearly two months and started when I failed to maintain an erection for sex with my new girlfriend. At first I was worried about getting her pregnant, looking like an idiot, or just in general being a big disappointment but then the whole what if im gay thing just popped in my head and it hit hard and now i cant get it out of my head. So I tried the whole gay porn thing and I had less than positive results, if i was gay it would have been like a moment of realization and self fufillment in a way even if it was a secret. I just became severly depressed and incredibly confused. I've only had crushes on girls and only wanted to date girls no questions there. But with this problem constantly in my head my focus has been switched incredibly. I've never had an erection around a guy only with girls but when im around guys Im constantly thinking do i find them attractive do i want to touch them and it bombards my head so much i get anxiety and i cant look them in the face and then i think since im acting this way i must find them attractive. If this is really attraction then i want to be a priest and never have sex again cus it feels like my brain is gonna explode. this thing has completely broken my focus on women I know thats what i really want cus i keep trying to get a reaction but these thoughts keep pounding my head and i cant act on instinct anymore. But i notice when something distracts long enough for me not to think about it and a girl gets my attention ill think "hey shes really cute" and then theres the moment of normality but then its instantly kicked in the groin and im back where i started. I think ive had this thing to a small degree for a long time cus ive had these weird impulses to kiss two guys when i was younger but i got so much anxiety and i felt so weird about it and it didnt seem right so i instantly assumed it was just my head playn tricks i immediately discarded them. and that was years ago now this has come back and it doesnt make me happy like the feeling i get when im around a girl. I dont think being gay is wrong or its a sin, I just think its not right for me or it doesn't fit me. the only time i would look at guys would be to compare their features to mine but this thing is really fucking with me. What im asking is do you think i have an ocd or im just in denial. The thought of someone calling me gay makes me feel like my chest is collapsing so i really think its ocd but i just want an outsiders opinion.
minor note...prior to my new relationship. i had a really traumatic break up with a girl of three years and i think it really fucked me up. she cheated on me with a guy that i could not understand why she would like him better so my self esteem plummeted. so maybe i entered a new relationship too soon and i was too low on myself at the time. i want to mention also that i had a smaller freakout like this hocd when i was with my old gf cus i was masturbating and then something really gay popped in my head randomly. i dont remember if i thought of it while i was climaxing or right before but all i remember was that i had two days of extreme anxiety but i was able to calm myself down cus i realized i loved women and my gf too much to be gay and it was just my head tryn to fuck with me. so maybe ive had this fear for a while and my lower self esteem is just made it worse and the fact this thing is afflicting me head is also lowering my self esteem so its just some continuous circle. I dont know..sorry for writing so much. So am i crazy or what? Thanks
Answer Hi Roger,
Under stress and pressure, your feelings are much more common than you would think. A fair explanation of some of what you are thinking and feeling is here at:
As long as you recognize that these feelings are brought on by stress, and that the root worry is just stress and worry then you have a way of handling it much better.
If you can find a good self hypnosis program to help ease your stress and boost your self esteem, then in a few weeks of regular playing, you will feel back to your old self.
I hope this is helpful, if you need anything else, just let me know.
