Dealing with Stress/trouble family
Im in a bit of a caos in my house. Im about to explode!!!! A little about my self is that im extremly shy and good looking. How do I know im good looking? Well a lot of females tell me, but when they start talking to me they walk away and I feel horrible. I am really quiet and laid back. By the way im a male and 21 years old. Well 3 years ago my parents met this family. This family had a daughter that became hell for me. I dont even know why I ever met her. She is not a mean person. But the circumstances I am in are horrendous. Well this girl right know is 10 years old. Well since I met her she became really attached to me. I also have a sister same age. Well everytime my family and the other family hangout the little is always following me. She talks to me a lot and she says she looks up to me. I started to treat her like a little sister. Plus I like a lot that someone looked up to me and see me as a "hero". Everytime im in my house she comes in straight to my room. I give her a controller to play video games and we play for hours. She dosnt even like been with my sister. Time passed and 5 months ago my parents came up to my room and said I should stop seeing that girl. That it looks wrong and if I have any feeling for her... I got extremely mad that how they didnt trust beeing with this girl. I explained that she followed me around and they didnt beleive me. They tought I did something to her. They didnt say it that way but the were trying to insinuating it. I was just dissapointed that my parents that I love think that of me. Since then to know I have been in a different mood and I look at my parents different I know im old enough to move but im in a situation that if I move we loose our house. Im in a good job that I share my money with them. So I cant. Last week I saved enough money to go to a trip to new york for a week for vacation. Well yesterday I found that the family with the girl is going 2 days ahead of me to new york too!!!!! To the same place and my parents told them that they can also stay with the family im staying. So my sister started whinning that she wanted to go to. So just 30 mins ago. Both of my parents came to my room and the told me.... ok so your sister is going to new york too. And I want you to take care of your sister and not that little girl. I got really aggravated that they tought I was going to put the little girl first then my sister. I told them I was going to cancell to go to New York and they got mad and told me if I had feeling for this little 10 year old girl. Let me tell you, my hearr just broke in 2 and I felt a hatred sensation in my heart that I have never felt before. How and why parents dont trust me and why they think of me. Its like they dont know me. For the past year I have tried to avoid the little girl. Everytime she comes to my house I come out. Everytime there is a party or a family gathering I dont go because she is there. I want my parents to stop thinking bad about me. To tell you the truth I like thaf little girl as a little sister because I feel special. Like I say she looks up to me. But I will never or even think of doing anything nasty to her. I prefer killing my self first. Its just a big problem because of a small children. I dont talk to my parents anymore. Im isolated in my room and feel depressed all the time. The only thing keeping me uo is my job. I know it may not see like a big problem but I feel like there is a boundary already in between my parents and me. I just wished I could move but I couldnt do that becuase of money situation for my parents. What can I do. What can I say to my parents so they can trust me. How can I feel comfortable with them again?
My apologies for the late response - I had some computer issues.
I understand how you feel about this girl and about your parents. My view is that there is a boundary of behavior that you would be willing to accept from your parents and everyone else. This is normal and natural because we all have our privacy and we all need our space and our self-respect.
The girl did not overstep the boundary, because she is an innocent child. You did not overstep the boundary because you understand and respect yourself.
However, your parents overstepped that boundary by drawing disrespectful conclusions about you. They did not create an atmosphere where they could honestly and openly discuss their concerns as well as your concerns. Instead, they found you guilty and left it up to you to prove yourself innocent.
It sounds as if this is not the first time that your parents overstep these boundaries, because they are financially dependent on you and ensured that you would feel guilty about anything that would jeopardize their comfort.
I would suggest that you sit your parents down and explain to them how their behavior hurts you. You don't need to explain your innocence, but rather focus on how their assumptions are an insult to you and to them, because they should have more trust in you and the way they raised you. Explain to them that if they don't stop their insinuations and accusations, you will have no option but to leave home and live on your own. If you want to say that, you must mean it, and you must be sure that they understand you are serious.
If your parents want to live under your roof (which is what they do if you pay for the house) then they must show you the respect that is due to you. This is no longer a situation where you live under their roof and they prepare you for life. You are now an adult, and you should expect to be treated like an adult. If taking their home away from them is the only language they understand, then so be it.
You are a lovely man and this is your first step into the adult world where you learn not to let others run your life.
Does this help?
Love and Light