Dealing with Stress/still breathing

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Hello, my name Jay and I am a 22 year old male. When I was 15 I had dreams after high school. I wanted to be in the NFL, if that didn't work I wanted to be in some sort of job that helps people. A cop, a fireman, in the army, ane list can go on and on. But at the age of 16 I realize my thosr dreams were not going to happen early. Why? Ill tell you why.....

I have a family of 5 Mom, Dad, Brother Sister and myself. My parents have always been full of love to all of us, over protective, and they have give us joy in life. We were all illegal immigrants when we came here by plane. I came here when I was little and my brother too. My sister was born here. Well my parents were always job after another trying to supports us as a family. Well that is as long as I remmeber. Well I started to work when I turned 16 my brother also he is 2 years older than me. We both were trying to help out because my little sister was going to be born and my mom had to quit the job. I had to quit football (my dream, my stress-reliever, my passion).. so my days consisted of wake up, school, work, sleep and all over again. I am a person that never takes the bad thing from life, I always positive. I didnt care that I was always bussy. I did good in school plus I was helping my parents out. We both didnt keep any money we all shared it. Of course we were not rich but every now and then my parents buy us stuff. And that made me happy. It was like that for 4 years until I got out of high school. I wanted to go to college and "be someone!!!", but I couldn't.  College was expensive, I got no fincancial help because I was illegal. So that broke more dreams, but I always found the way to be happy. I worked more and more same as my brother. I was 18 and asking myself what I am going to do with my life. But thoughts vanished so I just kept on working on a minimum wage job. My Dad got extremely sick. Had 9 surgeries  for one year and a half. So that ment only my brother and I were working. That means more and more and more work. I work harder to not let my family down. My family was sad but for some reason I still find the positive way to be happy at life. I was always happy! My brother got married with an american girl after my dad was better, I was 20. My Parents were devasted that my brother was going to move out. He became a resident of the USA. My mom and dad had depression, less money and plus they were loosing a son. Remmeber my parents are over protective. But my brother left us. Love, erased his mind because he knew that we needed money but he still left. That ment only my dad and myself were working. At the age of 21 I had a work permit, so I was legally in the usa thanks to Obama. My parents were still illegal. My dad lost his job do to paperwork. So that ment only I was going to maintaining the family. I find an extremely good job that support all of us. It helps through out the days. To eat and to have a roof. I never kept any of my pay check. I just gave it to my parents. I was happy. But since my brother left evrything has been a little different. There was arguing in the house by my family for any small reason. My little sister in the era of bothering me and just tried to be calm. My parents getting sick because they couldnt find a job. Well I am 22 now. As of now. I am the only one working in the house. I am not complaining, but I still give all of my check to my family. As long as we survive I am happy. But like half a year ago till now, is when I am about to explode!!  Every time I come home there is always an argument between any of us for the smallest reason. I try to avoid by walking away. But my parents say I am beeing immature. I cant have friends because I have no car, no money, and no time. My parents are always judging me just like when I was little. If I stay in my room too much, " whats wrong", if I get out for a walk " something is going to happen to you! You are going to loose yourself on the streets!" They still treat me like if I wad young. If I work too much, why' If I work to little why'. They dont want to beleive I am 22 already. I cant have girlfriends because theu judge them. They always arw saying they want whats best for me.just recently I found this amazing girl, I started to talk to her. I forgot that I had problems and everytime I with her she made me happy. But once again. My parents said she was not good for me, (I am sorry for the language) and I was a fucking idiot that I always listen to my parents said. And stopped talking, she moved so I lost her. So my days as of now are waking up, work, work, home for arguments and just screaming. Sometime I just want to move out and leave. But I cant and I wont. If I leave that means my parents wont have any money. I cant do that. During the weekends I started to babysit for some extra money. I try to get away from home as possible because when I get there. Its like I just go in to get mad. Well I babysat a 10 year old girl. She was my only friend. I talk to her about my problems and she did too. I just need someone to talk to and get my stress away. I started to have a connection with this little girl. Not a bad as love but as a friend. But guess what?! My parents said I looked like a pedophile beeing with the little girl............ and once.....again I listen........... I cant do anything..... I just want to end this. I cant see a future. I cant find a way to be happy anymore. Im just giving up. Althought I am a male I always cry myself to sleep. Its hard. It difficult. I cant see myself saying " I do" to the love of my life at church when we get married. I cant see myself having a career. I cant leave my parents like this. Its like everyday that goes by I loose thay love connection in between them. Piece by piece. Work is more like home. I am always happy there. I miss my girls I love, I miss having friend, I miss school , I miss babysitting the 10 year old girl that I treat like if she was counselor.  My life I just nothing.  I cant do anything. I just got less hours of work due to not too much work. I just lost my cell phone signal. I just lost my cable. Whats next? My home? My car? What am I going to do. What are we going to do. I know we can still go through this. But just the way my parents are I just feel I cant. I just cant. Im not a religious person. Buy sometimes I ask God "why". I see other people happy, having a wife, having fun. I dont. I cant go to school. I cant advance.

Im sorry that you have all of this....I guess i am just looking for someone to talk while I tears run through my cheeks. Im just lookign for a friend. Someone I can talk my problems with. So what do you think, why? Why me? Have a good night.

Answer
Hi Jay

It sounds to me like you are close to breaking point.  You have a lot of stress and no stress relief.  I would not be surprised if you have a mild form of depression as well.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you know what is best for you.  Yes, your parents say they want what is best for you, but then they don't want to accept that you are an adult, and they tell you how to lead your life and what decisions to make, so that you do what is best for them while they tell you what is best for you.

You need to find some quiet time and focus your thoughts and decide on five things you want to achieve.  They don't need to be massive, but they need to be achievable when you focus your thoughts.  Write these five things down, spelling out to yourself what you want to do, how and by when.

That is what is best for you, no matter what anyone else says.

Then you set out and take focused, specific baby steps until you have achieved each one of those goals.  

If your parents try and stop you, remember that they have their own agendas.  They don't want to lose you and the money you bring in, and they won't necessarily understand what you want, because they have a lower level of education than you have.  They have also had their opportunity to live their lives, and they now need to give you the opportunity to live your life on your terms.  

So if they do try and stop you or criticize what you do, listen to what they have to say.  If you feel they give you good advice, tell them so and use their advice to go ahead and achieve your goals anyway.  If you don't agree with what they say, tell them in the most loving way that you disagree, and that you are not going to change your plans, and you expect their support just like you support them.

Once you have achieved your five goals, do the same, and each time set bigger but still achievable goals.  In that way you will continue to make progress, and your parents will stop standing in your way and support you without fear of losing you.

Let me know if this helps.

Dealing with Stress

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Elsabe Smit

Expertise

Stress is the result of an inner conflict or a conflict between you and the world around you. I deal with relationships (marriage, divorce, teams in business), parenting, money issues, bereavement, conflict, and major life events (serious illness, redundancy).

Experience

Trained as psychologist, NLP master practitioner, highly intuitive. Uses a unique and holistic approach that focuses on removing physical and emotional pain.

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Published various academic textbooks as author, co-author and editor.

Education/Credentials
Master's Degree in Industrial psychology, Master's Degree in Business Administration

Past/Present Clients
Businesses with change management, conflict management, communication and teamwork. Individuals with divorce, relationship issues, career crises, personal growth, money issues, mid-life crises.

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