Dealing with Stress/Foul Mood Stressful


These days I'm always in a foul mood (except when I'm at work). I'm thirty-one years old, yet I still have not attained 100% independence like my younger brother and three older sisters. When I was sixteen, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, and from that moment onward, I haven't had any peace because I've been branded "disabled".

One problem though - I am not disabled. I am perfectly capable of handling life's problems. I cook for myself, clean up after myself, do my own laundry, and work three part-time jobs (one of which is volunteer work). Yet people still won't get off my back about how I live my life as if they're completely incapable of realizing that I can function perfectly normal in society.

Four and a half years ago, I moved to Humboldt to get away from it all. I thought it would be a fresh start for me. Boy was I wrong. Nothing has changed. Once I had gotten settled in, my oldest sister and mother went behind my back and put me on some "mentorship program" without my consent or permission. Like an abusive boyfriend, my efforts to have an new independent life have been sabotaged by people who think they actually have some control over my life. Even though I have my own baking business, I'm not allowed to go to the church to bake without a mentor. Frankly, this was not the kind of life I expected to live when I moved!

I get the feeling that the day when I am 100% independent will never truly come. My sister had even gone behind my back and put me on some housing supplementary program. Since the program only benefits those with a disability, she told them that I "am disabled"! She's been the most interfering person in the family since the diagnosis sixteen years ago. She kept buying and bringing me books about Asperger's or even trying to introduce me to people with Asperger's and putting me in groups of other people with "disabilities". Just before Christmas last year, her and mom dragged me off to this meeting for "Families of People with Disabilities".

I've had it! I've gone through sixteen years of this nonsense and I'm just sick of it. Now these days, I'm always in a very foul mood. I'm sick of having to live only under certain "conditions". Nobody else in my family has to, why should I? Having a normal independent life like everyone else in the family isn't just what I want, it's what's fair. But above of else, it's what I deserve!

How can I finally attain my independence and get these people off my back?

Hi Dwayne

I first have to say I am not a psychologist or in any medical profession.  My advice is purely intuitive and not meant to replace any professional advice you are following.

From what you have written I have to ask why you were given the label of disabled.  Was there a legal process and an evaluation?  If that is the case, then maybe your first step is to get that legal process reversed.

First arm yourself with every piece of information about Asperger syndrome that you can find on the internet to support your case.  Find people that know you well and would be willing to give their honest opinion about the way you live your life.  

Surely if you can prove that you are not disabled in any way, you can have that decision reversed and rather be labelled as "able" in the society that you live in.

You may need to do this without the involvement of your family, especially if their agenda is to ensure that you remain "disabled" and in some way dependent on them - even if it is only emotional dependence.

There is also another side.  You need to understand that any current advantage or benefit that you are receiving because of being regarded as disabled will be lost if you can prove that you are not disabled.  

However, my impression is that such a situation will only make you work harder to prove who you really are.

You are a beautiful soul and I understand your frustration.  I wish only the best for you.

Love and Light

Dealing with Stress

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Elsabe Smit


Stress is the result of an inner conflict or a conflict between you and the world around you. I deal with relationships (marriage, divorce, teams in business), parenting, money issues, bereavement, conflict, and major life events (serious illness, redundancy).


Trained as psychologist, highly intuitive. Uses a unique and holistic approach that focuses on removing physical and emotional pain.

Published various academic textbooks as author, co-author and editor. Published ten books on Kindle, all also available as hard copies, and eight of them available on Audible as audio-books.

Master's Degree in Industrial psychology, Master's Degree in Business Administration

Past/Present Clients
Businesses with change management, conflict management, communication and teamwork. Individuals with divorce, relationship issues, career crises, personal growth, money issues, mid-life crises.

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