Dealing with Stress/need advice


Hi i need advice on issues im having in family, i have two sisters both are married and have kids. My issue is my brother in law!Ever since his son was born he is 2 years old now, he completely changed he doesnt want to watch his son, he comes back from work early doesnt even come get him, he makes my sister come get him after work, he is very arrogant,selfish,the list can go on that im at a point he annoys me and basically i cant say anything because my parents dont want a fight happening. We are going away on vacation soon and my sister told me that he is in a miserable mood and he doesnt even want to go on va vacation anymore he is worried that his son will get sick or get hurt and i find that a bunch of bull!! I know fof a fact that he doesn't want to bring him anymore and i dont want to go on vacation end up watching him because its just not fair for me he is 41 years old he wants his freedom and my sister bac My other sister has two kids as well and she is no better like my brother in law she constantly complains about him to with me she even tries to ask me info about my sister and him what they are doing on the weekend, and whenever my  brother in law posts things on bbm (messenger) she will message me and ask me if he is out somewhere and its annoying because she will ask me and just to fish out info from me which i dont give it to her. She has changed as well she is very jealous of people, she wants to know everyones business, two faced and fake. She also hides things from my sister but wants to know her business and my brother in law when he posts things when i see them i dont question it because i dont care he does these things for attention and he wants people to ask. I just had enough now with this family there is so much lies fakness unfairness and me and my parents get taken advantage. I just need advice on this whole situation thank you

Hi Stephanie

It sounds like both your sisters have troublesome marriages and they don't know how to deal with their issues.  Therefore they simply don't deal with their issues and pass everything on to you - as if not being married to their husbands gives you access to all the wisdom in the world.

I would suggest that you do two things:

Firstly, find a few credible persons that you can refer your sisters to for marriage counselling.  This could be a religious leader or a social worker or a therapist.  You can do the work for them by identifying a list of people, and telling them that you will support them in anything these people advise them to do.  If their husbands refuse to go for counseling, then encourage your sisters t go on their own.  Either their husbands will join in and their marriages will be much better off, or their husbands will refuse to work on their marriages.  Either way, your sisters will be in a far better position to resolve their own issues and make their own decisions without expecting you to resolve their problems.

The second thing you can do is to become an observer rather than a participant.  I suspect that you are in this situation because on a different level your sisters are teaching you how not to act in a marriage.  Rather than feel irritated and try to fix them and their marriages, take a step back.  See for yourself how and why their marriages don't work as you would expect a marriage to work.  Take that wisdom into your heart - without blaming anyone but rather with gratitude that you have the opportunity to learn valuable wisdom from them before you get married.

You are a pure soul and that is why these things are so disturbing to you.  Focus on what you can learn and stay out of the situation, and you will see how the situation becomes calmer for everyone.

Love and Light

Dealing with Stress

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Elsabe Smit


Stress is the result of an inner conflict or a conflict between you and the world around you. I deal with relationships (marriage, divorce, teams in business), parenting, money issues, bereavement, conflict, and major life events (serious illness, redundancy).


Trained as psychologist, NLP master practitioner, highly intuitive. Uses a unique and holistic approach that focuses on removing physical and emotional pain.

Published various academic textbooks as author, co-author and editor.

Master's Degree in Industrial psychology, Master's Degree in Business Administration

Past/Present Clients
Businesses with change management, conflict management, communication and teamwork. Individuals with divorce, relationship issues, career crises, personal growth, money issues, mid-life crises.

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