AboutPatricia A. Schafer, Clinical Counselor/Supervisor; LICDC, NCC Expertise I am a Licensed Professional Clinical
Counselor in Cleveland, Ohio and a National Certified Counselor. I am presently working on my PhD at Kent State. I specialize in Seasonal Affective Disorder, and other depression problems. Also, I counsel families of alcoholics/drug addictions; social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues and a variety of other issues. If I can help, let me know. Thank you.
Question QUESTION: I'm from Venezuela I came back to my country after 3 years of living in Uk whit my boyfriend I never felt worry about my sexuality after I came to venezuela, change the country and my life... I develop a big sense of guilt between my family values and religious subjects because my family is super religious.
My boyfriend tried to time bring me back to Uk twice but I was so confuse also about my sexuality and emotional staff that he gave up! Still right now he says he loves me and He would like to tried our relation ship but He doesn't like that sense of low confident . ¨He says I met the most confident and happy guy before. I want him back¨
There was a moment when i couldn't control myself and I had a big depression I was like 2 o 3 days in bed just crying I couldn't Understand what was wrong whit my life.
During this time my family took me to churches and church counsellor !!! But I cried and cried all the time I remember living the church very sad and thinking I want the real Marcos Back.
I decided to stop the religious help and I found trough a friend a counsellor , I´ve been having therapy for about 4 or 5 months little by little i was cleaning all my sense of guilt and depression.
I decided to try to return to my life as I was before but I have got anxiety whit all the physical effects like pain chess, difficult to breathe, Hands trembling and my mind doesn't stop thinking between past and future. I feel like a person whit a different emotional life when before everything was so fresh and pleasant.
some memories, places, sounds gave that anxiety
Maybe I don't have patience but I dont know if this goes for a while !!! I would like to know if these are consequences of my big depression and how the process goes!
My ex boyfriend is the most confident person and really lovely. he sent me a letter were he said that He wants to re-built our relationship in a mature way however my thoughts and anxiety don't allow me to work this out some time I feel that this is killing our relationship whit the topic that he is far away.
last week a friend of friend died because he didn't accept him as a gay and his family didn´t support him so he didn't wake up the next morning.
That gave a shock so that is why i want to do what ever i can do to get over this condition,
Well this is my story If you can give me some support whit your point of view, information and websites would be great
Thank you
Marcos
ANSWER: Ola Marcos:
It sounds like you may need to be treated for depression and anxiety with medication since things are so difficult for you. Talk to your counselor about that because it will help you to feel better and when you feel better it is easier to work on your problems.
I am presuming you are Catholic and Christian values are against homosexuality because of religious beliefs. So, when someone has homosexual feelings they are really confused as it sounds like you are. The hard thing is is that you have to make your own decision about your life style. Maybe find a counselor who is gay or a counselor who once was gay and had struggles like you are going through.
No matter what sin a person commits, or what they consider is a sin - according to Christians Jesus forgives all and Jesus always loves the sinner but hates the sin (homosexuality, lust, lying, stealing, etc. etc. etc.). So, I think if you find an understanding counselor that has gone through what you have and are going through it may help you decide which lifestyle you want and are comfortable with.
I think first getting on medication to help you through your depression will be of benefit to you. Then it will be a little easier to work on yourself with a counselor.
I am presuming you are Christian, but could be wrong. So, maybe there are web sites that are Christian but for gays that could help you. Jesus also says not to judge others lest we be judged the same way. So, find a counselor or someone to talk to that you feel is not judging you but listening to you. That may make it easier for you too.
There is a possibility you may not be homosexual but you were just experimenting for a while. It may be possible that you feel you are homosexual and therefore the guilt due to religious beliefs. This is a deep sensitive area and I hope you find someone who is not judgmental but helps you find what is peaceful for you.
Hope these suggestions help you somewhat.
PS. I used to live in Asuncion, Paraguay years ago and was in Caracus only during stop overs while flying back and forth to the States.
Take care,
Pat
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QUESTION: Thank you Pat (gracias)
I found a really open mind councellour which is nice and I feel pretty confident whit him he gives me the human and gay point of view aswell
Before caming to my country I was spiritual but Not religiuos!!!
It is being two years since I left london and Im working in going back to muy life and relationship.
I dont have that sort of feeling when in the past you did something to try you know!!!
I dont know maybe it is give a try to london and my life but inside my heart feel that would give me right answer!!
My councellour says it normal all the feeling which all the staff Ive been trough!!! and the anxiety or maybe I to worry about the past and the future. ha ha ha
Muchas Gracias
PAT
Answer Ola Marcos:
I am glad that you have a good counselor. Take it a day at a time. Spiritually, every day, look at your heart and know that you are doing the best you can do, one day at a time. We only have a day at a time or in reality - a second at a time.
Sometimes we feel every decision has to be the perfect one but there is no such thing as a "perfect" decision because things always change. The most permanent thing in life is change. So, you must keep the focus on you, your spirituality, and that you are making the best decisions you can one day at at time.
Maybe the Serenity Prayer would help:
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. Dios, concedame la serenidad para aceptar las cosas que no puedo cambiar, cambiar las cosas que puedo y la voluntad para concocer la diferencia. (I think my Spanish is pretty close on this prayer).
