AboutPatricia A. Schafer, Ph.D. Expertise I specialize in various forms of depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and also stress, phobias, life changes, grief, women's issues, men's issues, etc. My licenses are: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor -Supervisor(LPCC-S) and Licensed Professional Chemical Dependency Counselor (LICDC) in the state of Ohio and a National Certified Counselor (NCC).
Experience 12 years experience counseling substance abusers, families of alcoholics/drug addictions, and those with codependency issues. I also specialize in social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues; grief and adjustments to life changes. Some therapeutic techniques used are: CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behaviorial Therapy)REBT (Rational Emotive), SFT (Solution Focused) and 12-Step, etc. If you live in the Cleveland area, you can contact me at my office for an appointment at: 440-349-4521. I am on various insurance panels and EAP programs.
Organizations ACA, OCA, NCC, OMHCA
Education/Credentials Ph.D. In counseling
MA In Counseling
BS In Psychology
Question I'm getting panic attacks.
A former co-worker (who was employed for 7 yrs) was re-hired as personal ass't (after 8 months away) in Nov. She is back to taking control over the boss/owner of the small insurance office.
This time around I'm not going to "suck it up" and take her confrontational demanding behavior. I'm sticking up for myself & my role as office manager, so she has returned to finding mistakes and confronting me and getting the boss into the mix. He Loves (not romantically) this woman and is thrilled she is back. He respects me, but I've Only been there 2 yrs. and he is afraid to say No to her.
How do I deal with her criticism, badgering, controlling behavior and generally poisioning the environment? We share a tiny room.
The tension and anger has led to yelling and it makes me phsycially ill.
Thanks for your consideration in this scarey matter.
Marcia
Answer Hi Marcia: Sorry this is a few days late.
Dealing with difficult people is VERY difficult, especially with what you told me you are going through.
There is no one quick answer but there are ways to handle them. Check your library, and even the internet, for books. There is one called: Dealing with difficult people. Use the words "difficult people" to key into the subject at the library and books will pop up. Inside those books there are responses to give them.
Now, some ideas that may help you. In learning new communication "I" messages are the best. Don't use the word "You" - that starts fights. For example if you say: "You always are wrong about that" is really bad because that makes the other person soooooo defensive and they yell back. So, just say: "I really feel that that is wrong." See how much softer that is. Keep your cool and say such things as: "I am sorry we cannot work this out....I think we can agree to disagree...I don't know what you mean, can you explain it"
The other person will react yet (because they arn't interested in learing how to communicate better like you are. So, what do you do if she argues? Remember it takes 2 to argue. So, you can quietly walk away or turn your chair around and continue working. or say "I don't like to be yelled at...we can talk when things are calmer" or "I don't feel like we are getting anywhere" or "I am sorry you feel that way" Or, just refuse to talk to her at all becaues you do have the right not to respond if someone yells at you.
Remember, if you do NOTHING, not resond, just ignore the big hurricane, it will eventually blow over (but will put up a fight). In fact, as you change, she may even get worse. So, expect the unexpected.
Is it possible for you to walk out of the tiny room and go sit in another room or move your chair to the hall or something so you can get work done?
Companies do not want to fire people because they will have to pay unemployment insurance. Which would be good for you if you got fired. But, they don't want to fire you and if she is trying to control things so they do fire you, I don't think it is going to work. So, hang in there and do your honest best, stay cool, and read up on handling difficult people - you may get some new ideas.
