AboutPatricia A. Schafer, Ph.D. Expertise I specialize in various forms of depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and also stress, phobias, life changes, grief, women's issues, men's issues, etc. My licenses are: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor -Supervisor(LPCC-S) and Licensed Professional Chemical Dependency Counselor (LICDC) in the state of Ohio and a National Certified Counselor (NCC).
Experience 12 years experience counseling substance abusers, families of alcoholics/drug addictions, and those with codependency issues. I also specialize in social phobia; stress; anxieties; women`s issues; grief and adjustments to life changes. Some therapeutic techniques used are: CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behaviorial Therapy)REBT (Rational Emotive), SFT (Solution Focused) and 12-Step, etc. If you live in the Cleveland area, you can contact me at my office for an appointment at: 440-349-4521. I am on various insurance panels and EAP programs.
Organizations ACA, OCA, NCC, OMHCA
Education/Credentials Ph.D. In counseling
MA In Counseling
BS In Psychology
Question Hi Patricia,
For the last two weeks I have had hives popping up all over my body. I have had hives before and know that when I get them, they are related to stress.
About the time that my hives appeared, my husband lost his job. We have a side salary, so it's not a huge deal, but it is interrfearing with our normal lifestyle. I have brought this up to my husband a few times, leaning and pushing on him to get out there and find a job. He gets mad at me because he feels pressured by me. I have been trying not to say too much to him, not wanting to stress him out and fight with him, but here I am with all these red, itchy welts all over my body.
Do you have any ideas how to release some of this stress without causing him a lot?
Thanks for any advice you can give me:)
Angie
Answer Hi Angie:
I am sorry you are suffering with hives and under stress. When your husband lost his job, you knew that was a trigger. Losing a job is very, very, stressful and wondering about the future, medical coverage, etc. etc. etc.
Your husand knows he has to get another job. He has only been out of work for two weeks and he is trying to get over the "shock" of job loss.
I don't think you have to mention to him what he already knows. Losing a job is like loosing a way of life, there is a death and grieving process. If he was there quite a number of years, it is even harder - the longer one has been on a job and then to lose that way of life is tough. A man identifies with his work. It is like having a leg or arm cut off. If it seems like he is going into a depression - which is almost "normal" after a job loss, he needs time to get over it and if he has a track record of always working, I don't think you have to worry. He will get on his feet again.
However, if he has a track record of depression and previous job losses, or that he was never able to hold on to a job for very long, then there may be cause for some worry there. But, at this point, it is early (only two weeks).
So, don't pressure him because it is your anxiety that is pressuring you and him. Your anxieties probably come from fears in this situation - fear of if he gets a job, fear of the future, etc. Take it a day at a time.
Have you called your doctor for some type of treatments for your hives?
Now, one way to relieve stress on him and you may be for you to get out of the house. If you are not working, can you call some friends, go to afternoon movies. In other words, leave him alone so he can clear his head and start thinking. What I am say is, if your presence in the home is a "reminder" to him to get a job and he already knows that, then you do other things for the next two weeks and see if you notice a difference in him and you; that is feeling less stressed, etc. In fact, maybe you can go away for a weekend or a few days with some friends, take a mini-vacation so he can just "be". Do you see what I am saying.
This is all temporary, and ideas for relieving stress.
Or, suggest to him that you BOTH get away and take a mini-vacation. Enjoy each other's company. But, don't tell him to "start looking now" because he knows this. If he does not want to go away to "Get away" from the pressure for a few days, then that is fine. But, you need to destress.
Just reassure him that you love him and if you have a past history of some problems that have always worked out, then you can say something like "things will work out, they always have when we had problems."
