AboutMelanie Nathan Expertise I can answer questions about divorce, custody, child support, alimony, visitation, dissolution of California domestic partnerships, divorce coaching, negotiations in family issues and strategies; mediation and conflict resolution. Also community property and practical solutions to division of property issues. http://www.privatecourts.com
Where relevant, please provide answers to the following when you submit your questions:- Where do you Live - Country, State, County? Marital status = How long have you been married?
Do you have children and their ages?
Do you have any existing Court orders relevant to your question?
Experience Attorney and now Mediator and Coach. CEO of Private Courts. On two Superior Court panels, hundreds of mediation settlements, hundreds hours mediation, document and court filing work.
Organizations Fair Housing of marin, VP.
Education/Credentials BA LLB - Equivalent to JD law degree. Part LLM.
My name is Sara, I am a 26 year old mother of two small boys. One is age 3 the other just turned one. The father and I have recently "moved" from Phoenix, Arizona to California. The reason I say "moved" is because we have been either living homeless or in hotels. This situation is completely unacceptable to me, so I have decided to leave their father. I am moving to be close to my huge family and provide my boys with a more stable and comfortable lifestyle. Their father will not budge on leaving California, so it has forced us to look at creative custody situations. So far the only thing we have been able to come up with is to share the boys and every three months they will travel from California to Michigan and back. Also, nothing has been filed yet, we were going through mediation, but our mediator pretty much gave up on us because we cannot agree on anything. I wanted to file all the paperwork in Michigan so all custody issues would be forced to be dealt with there, especially for when it comes time for them to start school. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Answer Sara, I am sorry about your circumstances. I think that it will be very tough on your kids, at that age, to have a schedule where they do not see either parent for such huge chunks of time. Also if your husband cannot keep a roof over your heads and you have been homeless, are you not concerned about how your boys will live when they are with him for three months. How would it be if they were with you and secure with lots of family helping and then suddenly there security gets pulled and they are off to dad again.
The experts say at that age group the kids should see both parents frequently even if they have one parent as physical custodian; AND also that kids should have a place that is a base where they start going to preschool, make friends.
I honestly think that with this 3 month thing, you are risking serious problems for your kids.
If you cannot agree, yes you need to take it to the Courts and yes if you can get to Michigan with his permission and you should get it in writing so it does not seem like you are running away with the kids. If either he or you file in CA before you leave then you are automatically restrained from leaving with the kids.
If he will not give you written permission you may have to go to the CA courts and tell them that you have tried to mediate, that you are living homeless and that the boys will have more security with you and family in Michigan.
The only way that I could imagine shared custody if you live in MI is similar to what courts would order for visitation. That is both parents agree to share legal custody; Mom gets sole physical custody and father gets generous visitation - that is he can visit kids in Michigan as often as he wants or one weekend per month; that the kids spend seasonal and school holidays with the father and that little ones do not go for more than a few weeks without mom at this age, and even that is a lot.
