AboutLauren Kaufman Expertise I have been through a long costly divorce process that took three years. I know what it feels like first hand to be immobilized by the effects of divorce. I know that finding the motivation to move forward can be a challenging experience alone.
Experience I am a member of Tansitions, a divorce support group for newly separated and divorced people.
Expert: Lauren Kaufman Date: 7/18/2008 Subject: Identify Strategies To Keep and Remove Child Custody
Question My wife and I divorced officially in March and she has our 4 children in her care. Our final court date is in Aug for Custody and my challenging her DV allegations. She is actively seeing a man, he is spending weekends in her house (she lives with her parents), was with my kids on father;s day (I was not allowed due to a TRO she has placed on me) and it seems to me that her entire family is aligned to absorb this "boyfriend" into the family structure asap not only to help our children grow comfortable with him, but to also establish some type of standard, whereby, when they are married that the court will view their household as "established" and therefore in the "best interests" of the children for them (the kids) to be custodial to.
I am certain my wife is driving for full legal and physical custody. My question has to do with this boyfriend/fiance' and whether his current and "continual" presence in my kids' lives can be used advantageously by my wife when making a bid for full physical and legal custody - especially when they "announce" their marriage plans?
I've just caught wind that a two-parent household could be used to win child custody of MY children away from me, and if so, I want to know what I need to do to prevent this from happening. I mean, if I get married (which I am as able to do as she) will THAT have significant sway with the courts preventing them from granting custodial rights of my children away?
The story gets more complicated in that I have suffered a head injury and am unemployed, on SSDI. I will be in rehabilitation for the next 6 mos to a year (and thus unable to have any physical custody till done, and minor visitation too). It is clear to me that my former wife is doing all she can to acclimate our four children (all under 10 yrs old) to life without Dad, but WITH her new man. Will she now also be able to use my injury and time in rehabilitation to her advantage in seeking to obtain full legal and phsyical custody?
Basically, I know she is aiming to remove me from her and the children's lives altogether and I am seeking, first, to identify every strategy she is pursuing (i.e. readying to marry and creat a stable household), and second, to outline everything I must do to ensure my custodial rights are preserved.
Court Case is in California, Amador County. Thanks.
Answer Hi sorry to hear about your injuries. It would take a lot and I mean a lot, for a court to give full custody to a dad. If the mother isn't a danger to her children, then the court will ALWAYS go for joint custody of the kids with MOM as a primary caretaker. Even if the mom is a drug addict, the court will find a temporary placement for the kids until mom is cleaned up. The fact that she is getting married will have no bearing on the courts decision. There will be clear visitation outlines for you to see your kids and she can't violate that order. You can't keep her from remarrying but you can see your kids as often as you would like.
