AboutPastor Kimberly Lemler Expertise I am an Ordained Minister, Bible Teacher, Life Coach and Pastoral Counselor. I have a radio program called God's Healing Power where I teach on various topics, and I also write for 2 columns. Self Help CD's are available on our website. Counseling services are also available.
Outside of AllExperts I can be reached at:
www.GodsHealingPower.org
Experience I can be reached for counseling services through our website, GodsHealingPower.org.
Education/Credentials Degree in Education. Ordained Minister. Victory Bible Institute. Working on a PhD.
Question Hello. We are both in our 40s, married for 17 years, 1 10 year old child, strong Christian faith. Husband has never supported family financially. He had a business for 12 years, but it was not financially successful and ended upon my ultimatum. Since then he has tried several distinct career opportunities, including 100% travel and out of town jobs. Sometimes he breaks even, or is a little ahead, and sometimes he is in the hole, but never are there any dollars for the household. I work full time, have a part time job, and primary childcare and household responsibilities. I am weary of shouldering the load and being the adult all the time. I have talked with him repeatedly from every angle I can think of including anger, tears, reason, suggestion, support, encouragement and more. I have forwarded job support ministry info from our church, which he has not responded to. He is looking for a job and spends hours on the PC sending resumes, but repeatedly is not successful. I am skeptical of his success potential after all this time. While God has provided me with employment that provides for us in turn, I have a measure of bitterness. He is a good father in most respects, but doesn't seem to realize the pressure upon me and the level to which I am stretched. Currently he is working in another city in a sales job that has not paid him as he expected, though he has been with the firm for a year. When he comes home on the weekends, he easily reminds me of all he is missing at home ... but doesn't seem to recognize all that I am covering here alone. Ironically, we have a good relationship that is mostly strained only in this area and only when I bring the subject up. To be honest though, I have lost respect for him and that does shadow other aspects of our marriage, including intimacy. We attended marriage counseling 5 years ago when I forced an end to the failing business. We attended 3 sessions together and then scheduled separate times. I attended, he did not. The counselor at that time suggested separation. I am a Christian woman with a strong faith. I am committed to my marriage vows and am struggling with resolving this within my faith. Writing this has made me feel better and any suggestions you share are welcome. Thank you.
Answer Hi Susan,
Was his family like this as well? Just wondering because many times it's a generational curse and no matter what a person does, they can't make it work. What are the words he is speaking? Is he saying, "I am never going to succeed", or "I can never get a good job", etc.? It is SO CRUCIAL what comes out of our mouths because what we say guides our life. The Lord say, "What you have spoken into my ear, that will I do.." Many times people will impose a curse on themselves with the words they speak... The topic of our words is woven throught the entire Bible...
I know it's tough on you. It's like you are a single parent and taking care of one more child. It's not fair to you. It really bothers me that he wasn't willing to go to counseling...that doesn't say very much for character.
Divorce or separation is something that the church frowns upon, but we really need to turn to the Word for our answers, not the church world. God does permit divorce... and if your husband is not going to get his act together and take care of his family, then if I were in your shoes, I would be filing for legal separation and then give him a time limit before you file for a divorce. I would strongly suggest counseling for both of you, and if he doesn't want to show up again, then that should be a neon sign to you that he just doesn't think you or the marriage is worth it.
